Dear Al....

Dear Al,

I hope this letter finds you well. I know you've been working diligently for the betterment of the planet. You're crusade against Global Warming seems to be going well. Much better than when you tried to rally people behind you with your battle cry about not being able to follow a president who lies. It seems you've gotten pretty popular over it since the world gave you their "We Like You" award otherwise known as the Nobel Peace Prize.

Fortunately for the planet you seem to have defeated Global Warming. Perhaps you managed to get the specs for Rove's Eeeeeeevil Weather Machine which he and George Bush used to attempt to smite New Orleans with Hurricane Katrina because as Kayne West revealed to the world Bush doesn't like black people. I'm glad you've found such a benevolent use for the technology.

That said, would you mind shutting the machine off, or at least turning it down a few notches. It's pretty cold here. I know you say that this snow isn't as cold as snow in previous years and sure the recent blizzards have been downright balmy, but the massive amounts of snow are getting quite bothersome. That's not to say that it's been completely bad. I have managed to improve myself as a human being due to local meteorologist Jon Cash on my TV with his "Snow Hope" report grinning at me with glee about the snow. I have managed not to go to the television station, hunt him down and choke him violently with the cute snowflake necklace thing he wears during times of winter weather. So, that's some progress.

Anyhow, since you haven't come around to shovel the snow or salt the street I humbly request you hold off on your fight against Global Warming before parts of my anatomy freeze solid and fall off. If you want to discuss the matter further, feel free to drop by and we'll have hot cocoa and listen to old 2 Live Crew records.

Your pal,
Marty