WWTNT (What would the neighbors think?)

Don't drive angry. Its Wednesday, February 2, 2011, I'm trapped in a time loop reliving this day over and over, and this is The Side. I've made this same post over a hundred times now. I don't think I'll be able to get out of this loop until I manage to post it without typos. I may be stuck here a while.

Yes, it is Groundhog Day. I don't think the groundhog will be seeing the shadow as most of us are going to have a hard time even seeing the sun today. Oddly enough, we're supposed to figure out today how long winter will be lasting this year and its going to be the warmest day we've had in weeks.

OLD MAN NOZZ

The other day I was painting a fence and the rain caught me. It was already cold enough, so this was sign for me to go grab a late lunch and warm up. Being in Norfolk, I just had to head over to Dog-n-Burger. The place was pretty slow as i had missed the lunch rush. The guy in line behind me looked like a kindred fellow. As I waited for my food to be ready I noticed him reading through the same free magazine I was. Its a little magazine they carry there which covers art, food, and the local music scene. He was a fellow that appreciated such things but still made his living with sweat on his brow and dirty on his hands.

Food was ready. We ate and read in silence, listening to the hustle and bustle behind the counter and radio playing. Sure enough our peaceful lunch was disrupted by a distinctive "raw raw raw raw raw". Lady fucking Gaga. Our eyes rolled simultaneously. The conversation was engaged as we both just wanted nothing more than to enjoy our food without having to here her. We discussed our appreciation for talk radio as the music that is played on the FM stations is either horribly tired or just plain horrible.

I know Lady Gaga is a virtuoso level pianist. I also know that Justin Bieber can bang the living hell out of a drum kit. I wish they'd both just cut the shit and make music. Real music. Joey Fatone of nSync was asked once if he liked the music he sang. He said "no". When asked why he sang it, he merely looked at the person asking him and replied "Do you know how much money they pay me to sing this garbage?"

I heard once that the music that's out there when you're 23 is your music. This may be true for when I get knocked down, I get up again. Ain't never gonna keep me down. I don't know. One of my favorite songs is from that year, but I don't know if that year defines my musical taste.

I pondered that as I finished my lunch. I then went a block over to Local Heroes. This marks the first time in a half dozen visits to that store that SCOTT PILGRIM VERSUS THE WORLD was not playing on the flat screen. I marveled at this for a moment, and commented as much the to manager. He asked my thoughts on Scott Pilgrim, and I told him I wasn't a fan of the comic. He asked about my thoughts on the movie. I told him I didn't feel like seeing a movie based on a comic I didn't like. He shrugged.

"Maybe you're just too old, man."

He didn't say it in a mean way. He just stated the fact that this entire thing was geared towards people who are younger than me. This was sobering. My time as a young Generation X bastard-at-large is over. I should probably accept that my notion of cool and quality stuff is not shared by these young up-and-comers. Its probably what my father had to deal with when listening to "my" music.

The problem with that is "my" music is awesome. My dad dug a lot of the tunes I liked. This crap coming out now is just that. We're lucky as hear if he hear anything decent on the radio.

Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber don't make music. They sell music. Maybe when they make enough cash they can buy their artistic integrity back. And Scott Pilgrim is the story of a moron who would be much more interesting if he spent the entire comic series gagged, tied to a chair, and hit in the face with bricks.

Yes, I am too old.

Too old to put up with this shabby shit that's barely passable entertainment that the drones want to call "art".

FUNNY BOOK FLICKS!!

Henry Cavill has been cast as Superman in the next Superman film. I don't know anything about guy. I can't think of anything that I've seen that he's been in. Christopher Nolan is still attached to this, so I'm not looking forward to this. Zack Snyder will be directing it, and I liked 300, and haven't cared to see anything else he's done.

The response to this news has been predictable to a degree. There's a bunch of people ticked off that Tom Welling isn't playing the role. SMALLVILLE has been around for quite a while and still has a very loyal fanbase. With the show in its last season many of them were hoping that movie would be a transition of sorts with Welling finally playing a fully realized Superman. Hope now of them were holding their breath. Best they can hope for is a made for TV flick. And really, why do these people want a big theater release. They'll probably all download off the internet anyways. That's why that SCOTT PILGRIM movie flopped so badly. The fanbase loved it, but they aren't going to shell out the cash to actually go see it.

Then there's the group that's upset that Superman isn't being played by an American actor. I'm wondering where this mob has been fermenting. I can imagine them sitting in their basements pondering:

"OK, Batman isn't being played by an American. Well, that's alright because Christian Bale is a good actor. Oh, Spider-man isn't being played by an American now. Well, that last movie was complete shit, and anything would be better than that. Wait. Superman isn't being played by an American? THIS TIME THEY'VE GONE TOO FAR!!!! TO THE INTERNETZ!!!

I have heard the point made that is would be like James Bond being played by an American. Who cares at this point? If Cavill can effect a good American accent, then have at it.

The one I thought was really funny was one comment I saw: "Why was a BLACK man cast as Superman. There's no reason why Superman couldn't be BLACK." Silly man. Of course Superman can't be black. Its a Christopher Nolan movie. We all know the only black guy allowed to play a prominent role in a Christopher Nolan movie is Morgan Freeman. Do you want Morgan Freeman to play Superman? Well, do ya?

Snark aside, yes the iconic superheroes are mainly white guys on parade. There absolutely needs to be more diversity in the genre, and there's been a lot of strides in that direction. Honestly, I really do want to a black guy to be cast as Superman. The meltdown on this on the internet would be absolutely epic.

Ah well. In the glut of superhero movies I can afford to be choosey. I wish this guy the best since this is his big break and all. Still, its a Nolan flick. So most likely, I'm out.

MUSIC!!

That's it for this time around today. Stoopid time loop. Where's Rip Hunter when you need him? See y'all Wednesday over and over and over and over again.

Bieber's Cowboy Caterpillar Crisis!

Great Caesar's Ghost, its Friday, July 30, 2010, and I'm talking weird smack lately.

Putting the kids to bed...

"If you don't get in those beds and stay in them so help me I'll whup you both until you have to repeat pre-school!"

Dealing with cashiers...

Cashier: "How are you today, sir?"

Me: "I dunno. I had all these plans for today, but some guy rocketed to Earth as a baby from a doomed planet keeps screwing up everything? That ever happen to you?"

COMIX!!

Right now Lex Luthor is so much cooler than Superman its not even funny. ACTION COMICS #891 was the read of the week. Bobby Fresh was stunned that he was picking up a Superman book this week when I saw him at Kings. We all told him "Its not a Superman book. Its a Lex Luthor book and its awesome." Paul Cornell is just kicking complete ass on this. Right now the main Superman title is boring as hell, and really needs to take some cues from what's going on here. While Straczynski has Superman walking around dealing with "real world issues" and being kind of a douche about it, Cornell has Luthor matching wits Mister Mind in a COWBOY CATERPILLAR CRISIS! It a completely wild and all out fun tour through the brain of Lex Luthor, as well as offering a bit of a tribute to the entire Bruce Wayne bouncing through time bit. Read it, because its awesome. And Robo-Lois rules.

Quick note to anybody who wants to step up with an argument about how Straczynski's run is superior because of the realism it brings to storytelling and the intellectual content: Fuck off. If I want realism, I'll watch the news, or the History Channel. These are comic books. Superhero comic books. I want big damn action! I want asses kicked! I want evil thwarted, or at least being really freaking fun to watch. I don't want a guy who wrestled the King Angel of the Bullhost and sang the God of Evil into submission walking down the street being utterly pedestrian. OK, that note wasn't so quick.

BATMAN: THE RETURN OF BRUCE WAYNE #4 hit this week as well. The mystery of the time traveling Dark Knight goes gun-slinging as he goes up against Jonah Hex. Each issue has dealt with Wayne reclaiming an different aspect of what made him Batman. This time it dealt with his grit and dogged determination to see evil doers brought to justice. The veil is lifted a bit as we see some more clues as to The Black Glove's role in things. There are two things bothering me. Both are minor. First, we haven't seen anything of Rip's Rescue Rangers in two issues and last we left them the universe was ending. Second is the art. Not that I don't like Georges Jeanty's artwork it's just that there's so much going on and a lot of it is visual clues that I wish there was one artist to make picking up on things easier. But the tale moves onward, and so does Wayne, which may be a good thing because those super villains ain't resting while he's gone.

Speaking of Batman, DETECTIVE COMICS #867 started a new storyline which has me hooked in. David Hine is a bit hit and miss with me, but when he's got me, he's got me good. This story has nothing to do with the Morrison "The Once and Future Batman" story, so readers can jump right in. I dig it because there's a team-up with The Question that makes it look really natural like it happens all the time. I also like that we've got Scott McDaniel drawing Batman again. I loved his NIGHTWING run, and his art isn't to everyone's taste, but I've always thought he was a great fit in the Bat-corner of the DCU.

On to unpleasantness. I read WONDER WOMAN #601 so now you don't have to. This story is crap. Its actually worse than the Jodi "Derp, I dunno how to pump gas, derp" Piccoult run. Its like a really lousy Elseworlds story. And I know this isn't permanent and once this runs a ways things will be set right with WW's proper origin restored, but really we don't need to see the character drug through the gutter for people to realize how special the character is. Last issue Gail Simone gave us "Keep faith, trust to love, fight with honor, but fight to win." This month Straczynski gives us "I'm going to kill them. I'm going to kill all of them." That's on top of Hyppolyta committing suicide by jumping to a fire and burning to death as she cursed her enemies, and a thug dressed a clown in an ice cream truck expressing a desire to shoot a little boy.

Shame on you J. Michael Straczynski. Shame on you for making me leave this comic which I used to support with every bit of my geek heart.

THE BIEBER REPLACEMENT!!

Sitting around the house the other day I did some channel surfing. The loin spawn were distracted by toys so I was happy to watch something besides PBS. I landed on The Ellen Show where there was some kid on the piano getting ready to sing. People were cheering and young girls were going bonkers. The song was lame and ridiculous that some 11 year old was singing about a girl breaking his heart when he looks like he's still slightly worried about cooties. And of course he's coming out with an album. It quickly became obvious that this kid, Greyson Chance, was created in a lab in Hollywood to replace the aging Justin Bieber.

Let's face it, Bieber ain't getting any younger. He can't keep posing on those Tiger Beat covers forever. Heard a rumor he's actually driving now and this won't do. Won't be long until he's just another burned out has-been hanging onto his past as he's mistaken for a lesbian.

Chance has every advantage over Bieber. He made is big splash singing a Lady Gaga song so that's going to attract the weirdos thinking this kid has depth and soul because they think Lady Gaga music has some mysterious brilliance to it. He's got a much cooler name, which is totally wasted on a pop star and would better suite an action movie star or comic book character. Imaging preparing to due epic battle with Greyson Chance and then actually seeing the kid. It would be a bit of a let down. You prepare to do epic battle with Justin Bieber and you know just from the name that the battle is going to be less than epic. Much less.

AIRING ALL THE LAUNDRY

I dumped Facebook a while back and I'm really glad I did. More people's info got leaked to the public. Just remember this: anything you put on Facebook will be made available to public. Forget privacy settings. They're worthless. If there is something you don't want out in the public eye you're better off keeping it off the web altogether.

MUSIC!!

I'm going to continue to give you people a break from my taste in music and mine a little more from Pickle's Pantry Parlour! Enjoy.



That's it for today. Remember: TGIF. Tiny gnomes in fuchsia.

Justin Bieber dances inappropiately with horrible piercings!

Sweet Mother of Pearl, its Wednesday, July 7, 2010 and I'm not typing like a maniac trying to get this done in time!!

*Swoons.*

The holiday weekend and the activities thereof did make it a bit tricky to get the Sunday edition of the Side posted up. But at least it was educational stuff kept me busy. I learned that my neighbor doesn't care about local fireworks laws. I learned that one of my daughters is still horribly afraid of loud noises. And I also learned that filming things for 3D is very obvious even when watching a movie in a regular formatting. Freakin' 3D. I know the 80s are the popular retro era at the moment, but we really didn't need to bring back that crap.

BATTLEGROUND: BIEBER!!!

4Chan has been busy as of late. For those who don't know what 4Chan is, you're probably better off. They're a nasty stew of internetdom who have no qualms about pretty much anything. But now they seem to have have hit a new low with their creation of pop sensation and lesbian spokesmodel Justin Bieber. YouTube was recently hacked and there was the attempt to send Bieber to North Korea. Rumor has it the plan was originally to send him to Thailand, since in the country that originally spawned 'ladyboys' its no doubt that Bieber would make a fortune.

4Chan is obviously jumping the gun here. Although its not the first time they've turned on one of their own. Bieber is an obvious media troll who has been artificially created to annoy people with any taste in music. He is an artificial lifeform, computer generated, created as the ultimate prank. A pop sensation with no musical talent? Whoever heard of such a thing! 4Chan users creation of the Beiberbot has been very thorough to the point of fooling tween audiences into thinking he really exists. Its too the point that when they thought the joke had run its course and it started to annoy them as well they attempted to kill him off, but the rabid fandom would not allow it. The Bieber-meme had taken on a life of its own. It's too the point that Twitter had to actually change its trending algorithm just to do away with him.

You've annoyed people the world over with your creation. Kudos, 4Chan.

DANCING RIGHT AND WRONG

Some footage is stirring up quite a bit of controversy. In a dance routine little girls performed to the song "Single Ladies". Now before you go clicking on it, let me warn you, its pretty distasteful. I know the tune is getting a lot of airplay and was featured on GLEE and the ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS sequel. Its a popular song and there's nothing wrong with it.

The problem is that someone had the idea of putting little girls in outfits that are way too revealing and had them doing moves that put a sexual context to the routine. The girls range in ages from 7 to 9 years of age, and all of them were very talented from a technical standpoint, but these are still kids. You do not put pre-sexual human beings into sexual contexts. That's just wrong. This broke down on numerous levels. First, the person who decided on the costumes has a screw loose. Second, the choreographer of the routine needed to be reminded that they are dealing with kids, and if they don't see the problem with this routine, probably doesn't need to be working with kids anymore. Third, and most important, the parents of these girls are nuts for letting them do this.

Dance as an art form can take on many contexts, and yes some of them are seductive and sexual. I understand this, and don't have problem with it. HOWEVER that does not mean you put little girls or boys in routines with those contexts. You certainly don't put them in those outfits and have them gyrating their hips. Yes I've seen plenty of revealing and sexy outfits in dance competitions, but each person wearing them was of legal age.

Dance can be interesting and beautiful without excessive skin or sex. I recently sat down to enjoy Olga Kay's Circus which featured a few dance pieces that were fun and interesting to watch. And yes some of the costumes showed a little leg, but they still weren't nearly as revealing as the outfits the kids in the Single Ladies piece wore.



Art is art, but making pedo-bait and calling it dance ain't cool.

FASHION VICTIM!!

Check that guy out. You know why he has that look on his face? It's because he knows he's never going to get a job that involves having to deal with the public in any way shape or form. I did have a could discussion about facial tattoos with Kristie who lives in Hawaii and was quite informative about facial tattoos in Polynesian cultures. The guy in the pictures however ain't from the islands. I bring this up mainly because of the gauges. I've seen a lot of guys with them, albeit not to that degree, and its of course stupid.

As the Big Guy says, "You ain't shit until you can stick a Wild Turkey cork in there."

You know what I see when I look at someone with gauges like that? I see a target. Its not impressive at all. It certainly isn't intimidating. In fact I can say with quite a bit of certainty that if confronted by someone with gauges like that I know exactly where I'll be grabbing while beating on them with my free hand.

Recently a man realized that fashion doesn't mean squat when you need to eat and support your family, so take a look at what it took to fix his ears. Think about that if you're considering body alteration. There's nothing wrong with tattoos or piercings, however you need to consider the consequences. You're changing yourself. Don't expect society to change to accommodate you. Moderation, folks.

MUSIC!!

Has nothing to do with anything other than I really dug this song when it came out, but never really liked any of their other songs.

POP QUIZ!!

1: Got any piercings? Don't send pictures! Just tell me! I don't want some nutter sending a picture of his pierced scrotum!

2: Anyone else a bit upset about little girls dressed inappropiately and doing sexy dances or stage?

3: What would it take to destroy the Bieber-bot?

Alrighty, that's the wrap up for today. See you Friday for some time traveling.