The comments, reviews and rantings are for entertainment only. If you are offended then someone else is getting entertained. Welcome to the internet. Have at it. This is where I sound off on what I read in comics this week, and occasionally ramble about other things.
Drat! Its Wednesday, April 27, 2011, I've dropped the ball, and this is The Side. I've been doing Ask Nozz Day on the last Wednesday of the month for a couple of months now. Well I completely forgot this time. I've been planning a beach workout, and my mind has been on that. That and being distracted by Easter goings one. Oh and my neighbor's house burning down.
Y'know, little things like that.
I'll try again next month.
SCIENCE!!!
I really wonder about computer programmers sometimes. I see these stories about programmers trying to teach computers regret and hindsight. And then there's the stuff going down with genetic programming. I have to wonder at what point is this all going to go horribly wrong.
Seriously, sometimes I think these guys sit around sometimes over coffee and discuss how cool the TERMINATOR movies are, but that'll never happen with the stuff they're doing. Oh no, they're so much smarter than those fools in the movie that created an AI. Their AI will be so much better and never ever turn against them.
Cripes.
Obviously, computer systems will continue to advance and computers are everywhere now. My crappy little cell phone probably has more processing power than my old Commodore 128. And there's problems and extrapolations that are so insanely difficult that we need more advanced tools to figure them out. But there seems to be that imp or the perverse in some programmers that just has to fuck with things just to see what happens.
Let's take those guys in Tel Aviv trying to teach a computer regret. They say that'll help the computer's performance, because it'll feel bad about not performing well previously. That's dumb. Its a tool. I don't want my tools to feel bad. I don't want my tools to feel anything. Can you imagine what my hammer (Gussie Manlove) could possibly be feeling? I can't imagine she enjoys the stuff I make her do. Or worse... what if she does enjoy it? Gussie Manlove is one kinky hammer.
I cuss at my computer a lot. Its not because the computer is some horrible piece of crap. Sure its older, but it'll still do stuff. Its because I don't know how to fully operate the machine. Its me, not it, and if I go cussing the computer and the computer starts feeling bad, what kind of monster does that make me? I don't even like keeping virtual pets because I'd feel bad about forgetting to feed them. Forget it. I cuss out my comp because it doesn't feel anything. I don't want to go emotionally abusing an AI.
Sure there's a part of my nerdom which would love to live out a sci-fi story, but I don't really want it to be a robot uprising one. It seems like whenever I find a different story about crazy advancements or stunts like the programmed regret there'll always be a comment from some reader about this is how "Skynet" got started.
I'll stick to my cold emotionless, non-poltting-against-me technology, thankyewverymuch.
MUSIC!!!
For some reason I couldn't find the official video to this on YouTube, with stinks because the cat on the hamster wheel was pretty cool.
Ohm on the range! Its Sunday, April 3, 2011, the reports that Lady Gaga died are false because i started them, and this is The Side. I did manage to fool a person or two for about second with that one. Still, Nathan Fillion trumped me with his breaking news that CASTLE was getting canceled.
Let it be known. You can never top Nathan Fillion.
COSMIC NOZZ!!!
Somehow that stupid book "The Secret" made its way into the Nozz Compound. The Missus has read me a few choice passages from that book, and my brain managed not to explode. Yes, this is the same book that Oprah was raving about a while back. So here's the secret: if you think about something hard enough it'll happen. Congratulation, now you don't have to buy the book. Of course it goes on about the law of attraction and even tries to slip a bit of quantum physics in there to try to make it sound legit, but its pretty much malarky.
Let's wrap our heads around what they're trying to get at. They say by thinking about something you can change things. OK, now let's look at reality. Reality is everything that exists in space and the events that occur through time. Perception of reality is how we take in and interpret reality through our senses. Reality can be changed by actions. And action is an event. Thinking is an event. However, not all actions can change things that actually exist. This is where the book falls apart.
There is a lot of theoretical physics that claim the simply perceiving something can alter it. OK, its starting to get a bit tricky here, but we're not talking about everyday occurrences that can change lives, unless you are a certain cat.
Basically this book is trying to give you Jedi powers through positive thought. Now, I believe in positive thinking, and if you speak your goals, that'll help you stay in the right frame of mind to achieve them. But I can't bend reality to my will through my thoughts. If that were the case I'd be out fighting crime with my new superpowers right now. Still, I've seen people accomplish a lot through strength of will. People with strong, positive attitudes have been shown to recover quicker from illnesses and injuries. The will to succeed has driven champions. Often fights are won before the first technique is thrown.
But there is a certain chain to things. The future isn't hard to predict when its obvious, and some folks just seem to see the pattern to things better than others. Is it luck or some kind of cosmic taoist hoodoo? Is luck cosmic taoist hoodoo? I'm no mystic, but I've seen some weird stuff. I used to buy lotto tickets for the bartenders and waitresses at the bar I worked at, and I'd get one for myself. After making my run to the store I was told there was a call for me from "Ralph" who had some numbers for me. I have no clue who Ralph is or was. I made a mental note of the numbers, but didn't buy a lotto ticket. There were only five numbers anyhow and it was time for my shift on the door. The next morning I checked the lotto numbers and guess what five numbers came up. That's right, and the sixth number was 6. So it seemed I had a mysterious benefactor who could predict lottery numbers, but I never heard from him again. So that chance was pissed away. Upon returning to the bar to work the following weekend I asked the bartender about the mysterious caller. She had no clue who it was. I told her the numbers that they had given me had come up. She asked if i thought it may have been God on the phone. I told her if it was God he'd likely have a better alias than "Ralph".
True story, and like I said weird. But that's how life works sometimes. Things can be predicted logically, but some other times things just come together. Take this post for instance. That book made its way into the house at about the same time I bought a Marvel comic for the first time in sixteen years. What does one have to do with the other?
The Marvel Boycott is a story for another time, and had run its course. The reason I still wasn't buying Marvel was because they weren't putting out anything that made me want to buy their books. But with everything going on with the Fantastic Four, Linda and Richard both urged me to give FF #1 a shot, and I did. I didn't review it on here, because I didn't like it, and didn't feel the desire to do one of my "I'm reading this so you don't have to; save your money" bits. But then that Secret book got into the house, and raised a few discussions about things, and that brought me back to FF #1 and Reed's discussion with Franklin about a video game and his advice to look for the pattern in the programming. Which is immediately followed by Reed being told what he needs to do by two characters that know what the future holds. Essentially, Reed gets a cheat guide thrust upon him.
Life is programmed. It follows set rules. We know a lot of these rules because of science. We've seen how things have operated because of history. Life on this planet continues to advance and change, bringing us to knew and different levels of play. There are things we can't predict, like how life has "programmed" those people and things we interact with. We can't really change the life program. We can see the pattern and try to navigate it more effectively, but we can't break the hard rules. I know this because I can't fly under my own power. Pesky gravity.
But there are ways to make things better for you. State your goals, and not on some piece of paper or a word document or a resumé. Say them. Get up in the morning and say them plainly, and mean it. That gets your head on straight. It focuses you. That's half the battle right there. Do it for the daily goals ("I'm going to clean the house") and the long term ("I'm going to write a novel"). I'm not saying shout it every morning from the front porch, but when you get up to start that morning pot of coffee or before you sit down to check your e-mail and see what the weather is going to be, say it and mean it. You'll be surprised by the results.
So no Jedi powers here. These very well may be the droids you're looking for. However, I gots me some taoist, cosmic mojo workin'. So look out, Loretta.
MUSIC!!!
Two songs today, because one thing can't synchronize with itself.
Parker Lewis proved that synchronize thing using Swatches. That guy couldn't lose.
That's it for today. I'm going to go state my goals and be shift my consciousness two days into the future where all this has already happened and I was great at it. See y'all Wednesday.
Jumpin' Jiminey Christmas! It's Wednesday, March 9, 2011, NBC hates me, and this is The Side. I was pretty stoked with NBC, and especially their show, THE CAPE. It's not the greatest show ever, but its really a lot of fun. They had a spiffy "create a villain" contest which I entered, and was really excited about.
But my entry didn't get picked, which kinda sucked, but the one that did get picked looks cool, so I'm alright with that. Then I come to find out that the show is getting canceled. So, they cancel a fun show, but they keep horrible, insulting crap like HARRY'S LAW. Of course they say its about the ratings, but if they showed THE CAPE three times a week like they do HARRY'S LAW then it would probably so a much different story.
SCIENCE!!
Everyone loves to be listened to. So it makes me happy that after bitching that science had stopped being awesome and really started sucking lately, I'm very happy to report that its started turning up some interesting stuff!
For instance, they've found the fossil of a nuclear reactor. That's right it seems that these did occur naturally a long time ago, which is how Fred Flintstone was able to power his TV. The Earth really is a fascinating old gal. All sorts of interesting things go on beneath the surface. Naturally occurring nuclear reactors from before recorded history. It really does sound like crazy science fiction, but there they are. Of course these are completely dormant now as the radioactive materials are long since spent.
This brings to mind a lot of comments people make that are just stupid. "How can Superman be hurt by a rock from his own planet?" Try holding a piece of uranium for a while, and see how you're feeling. "How can marijuana be bad for you? Its natural." You know what has a really killer buzz? Hemlock. Go try it, stoner.
Of course now that we know about these ancient reactors, now we know what really killed the dinosaurs: Pre-historic Geo-Nuclear War! Couldn't be a rock from the sky!
Hey, speaking of rocks from the sky, guess what they found in one? No, not Jimmy Hoffa! They found evidence of alien life! Yep, fossilized bacteria were found in meteorite. Now, these findings are still being poured over like no finding were ever found before, but its looking legit. Fossilized bacteria, and I'm glad they are fossilized as I hear Alpha-Centaurian Flu is an absolute bitch.
So its not a flying saucer or anything like that, but now we have proof of life not of this Earth. This of course has sent quite a few people into a tizzy. It shouldn't really. There's a lot of real estate out there. Somethings got to be out there. And some people are still waiting for them to show up. Of course if they do get close enough to pick up on our broadcasts, I'd expect them to flee are far from this planet as they can. I fully expect that if we do have an alien invasion, like in SKYLINE or this week's BATTLE: LOS ANGELES, that it'll be because the aliens had seen JERSEY SHORE and have a pressing need to vaporize Snooki.
And, of course, there's those people who are determined to make science suck, like the other NASA group saying that the fossils inside the rock from space are from Earth contamination. They're saying that they fossils being from space somehow implies that life on Earth didn't originate here, which is pretty stupid. Some people have some kind of weird notion that life must have originated in only one spot. Its like the notion that life spawning in more than one place is impossible. That's fairly stupid. Ah well, the findings are still being poured over, and we'll see what's up.
MOVIES!!!
Its a movie with Kevin Bacon AND Nathan Fillion!!! Kevin and Nathan! Nathan and Kevin! This is destined to be the greatest movie of all time!! OK, maybe not, it'll probably be more like KICK-ASS if KICK-ASS was funny and enjoyable.
MUSIC!!
Mumford and Sons has been getting a ton of radio airplay around here, especially on the local rock station. I don't think this tune will make their play list, but for whatever reason Dave Matthews did, so we'll see.
That's all for today. More work for me, which is cool since that's what lets me buy some comics. See y'all on the Foxtrot.
Hit 'em with an internal organ and its three points! Its Wednesday, February 16, 2011, that pesky lung just won't hack up, and this is The Side. Tournament season is approaching and while I'm trying to prepare that nasty cough from my bout with the flu is hanging in there like Oleg Taktarov on the receiving end of a beating. Old Oleg did alright for himself though and has done some pretty sweet movies. I doubt I'll be offered any choice roles upon my recovery, but at the very least I'm hoping to snatch up some trophies next month.
LIES!!
Does this look like a black belt in Karate to you? I don't know either. I read a lot of magazines. When you spend a lot of time riding in work trucks sometimes up to an hour at a time, you pick up anything eye catching and read just about every last bit of it. I've read a lot of comic and entertainment magazines. I read a ton of Maxims back when it was worth a damn. Read a bunch of Black Belt magazine when there wasn't a whole lot of choice in martial arts magazines. Now the magazine I like to keep up with is Fighters Only.
Fighters only is really good. They've got great interviews. There's a lot of training tips. Its also the main way I keep up with news on mixed martial arts. Each issue has a Fighters Only "Babe" and sure enough one month it was Francoise Boufhal whom I have pictured. There's a few pictures and a brief interview. So I read the attached interview and while she says her knowledge of MMA is light at best she did say she was a black belt in Karate.
These interviews do remind me a lot of the Maxim interviews in that I have to wonder how much actually came out of her mouth. Sure some of these girls are very savvy and know what to say to cater to the target audience. I do think the interviewer in many cases is more of a writer making the gals more appealing. See, I could understand if the "babes" were UFC ring girls, or even some of the more attractive female fighters. Sometimes they'll have the ladies in fight gear or wrapping their hands like they're getting ready to pound out a few rounds on the heavy bag. Typically, I'll see the girl featured in a pictorial that has absolutely nothing to do with fighting, and the notion that they do anything fight oriented stretches even my imagination. Its kinda like when you see the star of the latest hot movie say that she goes for the average guy who likes to eat burgers and play video games. Does anyone really think that the Maxim cover girl du jour loves playing Call of Duty when she isn't watching football?
I can live with lie of it all. I really can. I just wish it was a little more plausible sometimes. I know full well I'm not going to see a girl like this in a magazine like Fighters Only and have her say "Gee, I don't know anything about that mixed martial... whatever. I'm just here for a check." but it would be a refreshing change of pace. Of course that's about a likely as hearing a politician say "No, I really don't give a damn about anything you care about, I just want you to vote for me."
Ah, the truth. Don't hold your breath waiting for it.
ST00PID SCIENCE!!
Ya know what really sucks nowdays? Science, that's what. Science used to be so awesome. It used to be all about exploration, and making cool stuff, and blowing things up with lasers. Now all it seems to do is show us how terrible everything is and suck all the wonder out of everything.
Let's look at out old pal Pluto. Remember Pluto? Little frozen rock out in the middle of nowhere. Last little planet on our solar system. We learned about him in elementary school. We had bright colorful posters showing off the planets of the solar system and his little gray self was there on the end. I have a book. Its got all the planets in it, and sure enough, there's Pluto. Then five years ago they demote Pluto. Its not a planet anymore. Buncha jerks! Some of us out here love Pluto.
And all it is is a bunch of scientists being spiteful. I bet they got a lousy grade on their report on Pluto when they were kids and this is payback. They are just dead set on there only being eight planets in our solar system. Hell, some scientists have possibly found another planter out there. Its four times the size of Jupiter and hidden in the Oort cloud (obviously to hide cool, mysterious stuff) and those jerks want to say that it doesn't count either! Just being spiteful is what it is. Its like they don't really care what's out there, they just want to be right about there being eight planets.
Same with triceratops. Seriously, who doesn't love triceratops. I do. My kids do. They like Tank the Triceratops on Dinosaur Train. He's a very popular dinosaur. If he wasn't would there have been a Dinobot of one? I think not! But no! Bunch of killjoy scientists say there was no such thing. Its really a torosaurus.
No its not, you jerks. Its a triceratops. Every last cartoon I've ever seen with a dinosaur in it says so. And so do the Transformers, and we don't argue with Transformers unless they're directed by Michael Bay.
And when science isn't taking cool stuff away from us its telling us how horrible everything is. You can't even eat a cheeseburger anymore because it'll kill you horribly and put a hole in the Ozone layer. Pretty much according to science the best thing we could do for the planet is all die. We cause global warming. We take up too many natural resources. We're all just horrible. But if we drive pansy cars and use those stupid light bulbs with mercury components that aren't worth a shit then maybe science will say its OK for us to live and have kids.
Of course you have the science used by the high and mighty atheist assholes who like to break out whatever they can to crap on whatever religious holiday you're trying to celebrate. They can tell you all these stupid facts about Christmas, yet couldn't bring themselves to wish you a "Merry Christmas" if someone had a gun to their head. They don't need faith because they have science. Well, no one ever gets a present on Science Day, now do they.
Then there's the stupid wannabe science that tells us stupid stuff. Some study just came out and they talked about it on the morning news show that women are the ones in charge of relationships. Yeah, that revelation was worth diverting intellectual candlepower away from finding that cure for cancer.
So here's the thing science. You need to get your act together. Start being awesome again and stop being so damn douchey. Get back to the business of making great and useful discoveries. Quit telling everyone how horrible everything is and start making ways that everything can be really cool.
MUSIC!!
The fact that this was on VH1 Classic is a win beyond belief, except for the fact that it makes me old.
That's it for this go around. I'm going to go kick some ass now. See y'all Friday.
Gobble gobble. Its Wednesday, November 24, 2010, tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and this is The Side.
So what am I thankful for?
I'm thankful to be working steadily. I'm thankful to have a roof over my head and food in my family's bellies. I'm thankful for my family and friends. I'm thankful to all my followers on here. There's ten times more of you now than last year. Some of you are still strangers to me, others are friends, a few of you I see as family, and you know who you are.
So to everyone, enjoy the holiday with your loved ones, and travel safe.
SCIENCE!!
So, I'm thinking about the origin of the Universe, and how it relates to Batman, which typically would be insane, but this times its not (HA!) because Greg Rucka was the one who posted the link.
A universe that existed before our own? Nonsense, you say? PIFFLE! Because we all know Galactus survived the Big Bang so something had to be there, right? And let's not even start on the thingie with CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS, or ZERO HOUR since as it stands a fairly mundane superhero caused the Big Band. Sorry to all the Damage fans out there. All eight of you.
Seriously, a lot of the comics I've read put forth a lot of fun stuff about time. Recently Batman was at the end of time in which the last outpost was being destroyed by the heat death of the universe. The Flash once outran death by running forward in time and looping back to the beginning of time and finally making it back to the present. The big bang has also been shown in comics to have an opposite number "The Big Crunch", which I'm fairly certain Wolverine has survived.
Here's the theory, the Big Bang happened and the universe has been expanding since. But at some point, that expansion will stop and everything will begin to be drawn back into a single point, at which time things will get very crowded. There's also a thought that this cycle is like a loop so on some insane-o cosmic time table this could all have happened before and will happen again.
But that's how the universe is, and that's why I love it so. There's always stuff blowing up, or something getting sucked into something. And there's the weird crap that no one's quite sure what the hell is going on with. And we find thing out there, that might contain or be suitable for sustaining life. Then there's our gas giant planets with cool rings and spots running interference for us with their insane gravity wells to prevent space crap from smashing into us more than it does.
And sometimes I worry that in the center of the Milky Way Galaxy there is a mother of a black hole sucking everything in and we're circling the drain at an insane speed, but its all so big that we don't notice it. I don't know why I worry about that.
But I do think its cool, because its reality. Reality is everything that exists in space and the events that occur in time. While reality TV mostly sucks, reality itself can be pretty damned epic.
It also makes for excellent fodder for writing comics.
As I discussed before, there is a new BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER MOVIE in the works, and it has nothing to do with Joss Whedon who created the character. This came as upseting news to many long time fans. But what does Whedon himself really think? Well, someone asked him, and he answered. So for those wailing and gnashing their teeth about the matter, take a cue from your Lord and Master, Whedon: just laugh at it. It's not the first time Hollywood has sought to cash in on something with an existing fanbase and screwed the pooch. That's why there's a pretty cool looking Kung-Fu movie out now on DVD called "THE KARATE KID".
Still, our sympathy goes out to Joss, that poor guy, as he deals with what's being done with his creation while still soldiering on to work on THE AVENGERS movie. Hopefully that movie will be enough to keep a little food on his table. Its hard being a struggling writer in these tough economic times.
MUSIC!!
Because Thanksgiving is all about family, being thankful, eating turkey and an old hippie with a guitar.
OK, that's it. I'm getting in my car and heading to the mountain in about an hour or so. You have the weekend off from my insanity, but I expect you all back here next Wednesday sharpish. See ya, then.
Look alive, Sunshine! It's Sunday, October 10, 2010, and I have begun the annual six month process of raking my yard. This time might go a bit quicker as I intend to skip the whole bag them up and set them on the curb thing this year. I will miss creating considerable walls of bags of leaves every weekend, but its time to move on.
And by moving on I mean taking a book of matches and some gasoline to metric ton of crunchy brown that'll inevitably cover the yard.
I clear yard with FIRE!!
As such things should be done.
NWA, GO GO GO!!
Wandering over the NWA (Neighborhood Watch Association)HQ last night, I came across our fearless leader in the midst of a dilemma. He had a toothache. He's had it for a while now and he was determined to solve this problem. Going to the dentist was, of course, out of the question. So, he and his partner in crime were in a garage looking for some good pliers and some zip-ties.
Yes, its true. I'm the sane one in the neighborhood.
Take a moment to contemplate that one. Roll it around for a bit.
I'm the sane one.
The zip-ties of course were to restrain our fearless leader as his tooth was removed so he doesn't kill everyone he lays on. I had just gone over there to say "Hi", but obviously I couldn't leave now. Unfortunately, not enough alcohol had been consumed to go through with the deed, but tomorrow is another day.
TO INFINITY AND *POP!*
If you haven't seen this yet, then you've probably been away from your computer this week, and in that case, welcome back. Pleasantries aside, let's go into space.
I am actually a little disappointed that they found the thing themselves. The notion of some random person coming across it or it landing in someone's backyard hundreds of miles away and them sending it back would, first, better a better story and, second, be the weirdest moment ever for the person who finds it.
Unless they were just greedy, ignorant bastards and just hollered "LOOKIE HERE, I'S GOTS ME A iPHONE! GOD SENT IT TO ME! My's prayers done been answered."
THE REAL REASON FOR FACEBOOK
It seems that Facebook founder likes to touch young boys inappropriately. That must be the case since he certainly doesn't look like Marlon Brando. He probably started that website just to lure in young boys so he could get weird over him. Yeah, ignore all that stuff in that there movie. Otherwise why else would he join NAMBLA on his own site.
Oh my word, how could someone do such a thing? How could someone put you in a group without your permission that can be viewed online? Well, pretty easily, because it's Facebook. And Facebook makes it really easy for people to do things to your reputation, like sticking you in groups you don't belong in, or posting candid and embarrassing pictures or you complete with your name that you never wanted to see the light of day, or "signing you into" places when you don't want people to know where you are or you might not even be to begin with. But all that is OK, because Facebook is oh so nifty and all your friends are on it, right?
This NAMBLA prank happened to the creator of the site. What could people do to you?
TOURNEY TIME!!
Time again for my monthly Tourney over on Google Buzz. This time around I've got Monster Hunters squaring off and battling it out for supremacy. Just the thing to get us fired up for Halloween. You can check it out here, and if you have GMail don't forget to get on in there and vote for your favorites.
MUSIC!!
Am I alone in wanting Sid Vicious to rise from the grave and taint-punch Justin Beiber?
That's the whole ball of wax for today. See y'all Wednesday. And don't worry about the whole clearing my yard with fire thing. If I burn my eyebrows off again, I'll make sure to take pictures. All because I love you.
Criminitly, it's Sunday, August 8, 2010, and I dreamed I lost three followers last night. That's the sort of dream that can spur you to action. that's the sort of dream that makes a blogger bound out of bed ready to attack a keyboard ready to prove his e-worth to the e-world!
However, I had just washed the bedsheets last night and sleeping in nice, freshly cleaned sheets kept me in about an hours longer than usual.
Blame the Snuggle Bear.
TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!
When you're a kid and a sci-fi nerd you look to future and think about what its going to be like with people living out in space. The possibility of people colonizing other planets in your lifetime is a dream you hope to see realized. It certainly was for me. When I was a kid we had movies and about the future and that future was now. We were supposed to be making alien contact this year if we're to believe Hollywood's timetable. Of course there are people who think they've already been making contact with us and the truth is out there. Somewhere.
Last Thursday, The Mike and Bob Show spoke with Buzz Aldrin. The interview was alright, and it was obvious that Aldrin had his agenda to get out there, and that's fine. While the interview isn't the most fun one the guys have done (due to no fault of theirs) one very interesting thing was brought up.
Aldrin said one of the moons of Mars should be colonized by 2035. That's plenty to get my nerdy attention. One of the guys who landed on the moon said we should be heading to other planets and relatively soon. He spoke a bit of the new space race with China and India. He, of course, wants the United States to be at the forefront of space exploration and colonization. Now, I don't know if this is going to happen or not, especially with a Government that currently hasn't got a clue as to fixing the countries economy and making America as great as it once was, and worse, seems not to want to. But that's the great thing about the future: it allows us to dream. It gives us hope. Not bullshit hope from campaign speeches. Real hope, from real people who want to work to make their tomorrows and the tomorrows of world something really special.
Heading to Mars inside of 25 years. Plausible or not, it makes me excited.
NEW FIRST LADY OF THE DCU!!!
With Wonder Woman currently being occupied with having a writer on board who is busy crapping all over everything that makes the character great in an effort which seems to be to make fan realize how good they used to have it, someone has to step up and be the interim first lady of DC Comics. And that person is The Black Canary. Those of you doubting her qualifications clearly need to be educated, and that's why you've got guys like me around around. So why is Black Canary the new first lady of DC?
Black Canary could take down Captain America without breaking a nail.
Black Canary could make Superman stop walking around being a douche and make him go home to cook his wife dinner and give her a foot rub.
Black Canary could retcon herself to be either her mother or her daughter. Its her choice.
Black Canary could use 141 characters on Twitter.
Black Canary could restore Pluto's status as a planet while proving Triceratops did exist.
Black Canary could make Green Arrow cos-play as Hawkman.
Black Canary could roundhouse kick a hundred ninjas without getting a tear in her fishnets.
Black Canary could defrost all the women in the refrigerator and make Batman cook dinner.
Black Canary could out-Chuck Chuck Norris.
Black Canary could out-scream every opera singer and porn star put together.
Black Canary could win Survivor, So You Think you Can Dance, and Master Chef simultaneously.
Black Canary could get away with being neither black nor an actual canary without worry of fraud litigation.
Black canary could have her own movie if there as an actress awesome enough to play her properly.
Black Canary could crush her enemies, see them driven before her, and hear the lamentation of their fanboys.
Moral of the story: don't cross Black Canary because Black Canary could do a lot of things to you that you wouldn't like.
Any questions?
MUSIC!!
Wrapping up our week of Elvis Costello. Here's one of his big ones.
That's it for Sunday. Over in my link list I've got a link to my Google Buzz account to hit that up. I started another Tourney this morning and its got Giant Robots.
Its Sunday, August 1, 2010. Welcome of August, you're all doomed. Due to that doom I have turned the comment moderation because Gucci Spam Bombs and the JPI virus are small potatos compared to what is coming.
THE BIG DOOM IS COMING!!!
What you are about to read may shock you, and for that I apologize. I want you all to know that there is hope, and the situation I am about too outline is not cause for utter despair. There have been a lot of seemingly unrelated news stories, that have a very unfortunate connection. The signs are all there.
We turn our attention first to Antarctica and the Icecube. The Icecube is a science station purposed for the finding of neutrinos, which are tiny particles that aren't easily found. What is of note is not the neutrinos, but what is considered background noise by the scientists, Cosmic Rays. More importantly, the pattern in which the Cosmic rays are hitting Earth. It seems that they are hitting the planet from one direction, but there's a distinct lack of Cosmic Rays from the other. Scientists have their theories as to what could be causing so many more Cosmic rays to come from one direction (they theorize a Supernova), but what they've failed to consider is why is there so much less activity from the other direction. What is stopping the cosmic rays?
We now turn our attention to the Straight of Hormuz where there was a mysterious impact with a Japanese oil tanker. The crew of the tanker have said that they don't know what caused the massive dent in the tanker. They claim they saw a flash of light and felt a big impact, but none of the people aboard that ship have any explanation as to what happened. One popular theory points to terrorism as attacks on ocean going vessels is nothing new to them, however there doesn't seem to be evidence of a conventional explosion.
Two seemingly unrelated stories, coming from half the world apart. But as we know, two weird instances are merely a coincidence. It takes three to truly make them a pattern. So what on Earth could possibly link Cosmic Ray patterns and the striking of a Japanese Oil tanker? For our answer, and the third piece of the puzzle, we turn to China.
This happened a few weeks ago, but well within the appropriate timeline for things to fall into place. A UFO was spotted over an airport in China. This is pretty wild in and of itself, but more so is that the fact that the Chinese Government is willing to have dialogues about the sightings. This is something totally new because it used to be they threw people who though they saw UFOs or tried talking about them into prison. So obviously, they're taking this seriously and likely have intelligence that we do not.
Those that observed the object claimed it had a 'lantern-like' appearance. But I ask you, gentle readers, does that image look like a lantern to you? Of course not. I posit that it is indeed something more foreboding. And in the interest of public service I have investigated this matter, and that included calling in some favors from sources I won't disclose, but they have shared with me a picture of the likely source of these phenomena.
I know its a little bit blurry, but you can make out Galactus in the picture which was taken from a really really good telescope. Seems the Mayans knew about Galactus and while we're not sure if their estimated date of his arrival is accurate its still going to be a bad day. Of course this has come to the attention of President which it seems that he's know for quite sometime. The Pop-Star-in-Chief explained that was the reason why he stopped caring about the economy and jobs. He figures if the world is going to get eaten then we might as well spend our remaining time "funemployed", and its no problem with the Government spending money that they don't have since we won't be around anyways.
Unfortunately, I'm going to have to be the fly in Obama's plans, because somebody has to save the world, and it might as well be me. That's right. I'm no quitter! I've already begun building my mighty satellite weapon which I'll be using to kick Galactus's big armored ass. After years of playing Space Invaders I'm ready for him.
Bring it on, you big sum'bitch!
However just in case you don't think I can take Galactus (which means you haven't been here long enough), here's some inspiration for planning your final moments before the planet gets nom'd.
FICTION NOT STRANGE ENOUGH
OK, see what I did up there? I took real life facts and news stories and twisted it into a weirdo jumping off point for a big space action adventure story. This brings us to the crap currently going on in SUPERMAN. In SUPERMAN or hero is currently dealing with societal problems. Now this is being rationalized a number of different ways. Superman fought more human foes and societal corruption back in late 30s and into the 40s when he was introduced. There's thoughts that Superman needs to be taken "down to Earth" so he can better relate to people. There is also the notion that the character needs more realism. These are all crap, and its making for really boring storytelling.
I went and used that nasty word "realism" again. Now, there's got to be a bit of realism in comics. And no I'm not referring to the fanboy definition of terrible shit happening to characters to make it 'real'. I'm talking about human truth. I'm talking about facts. Every good work of fiction has a bit of truth in it. Its how we as readers can connect with even the most fantastic of stories. But we don't want to beat a reader over the head with realism.
If you pound them with too many facts that don't add crucial elements to the story then it can read like a textbook. It'll cease to be entertaining. Same thing if you hammer the reader repeatedly with vows of society. It ends up depressing and not fun to read. Sure it will draw attention to a problem, but with you go on too long all you're doing is lecturing. Greg Rucka delt with the subject of child slavery in his novel "Walking Dead". The issue was handled with a grave seriousness and gave some chilling cold hard facts. These facts added to the drama and urgency of the story. Once again, Rucka got it right.
In comics, specifically superhero comics, there is room for social commentary, but writers can't forget that these are escapist soap operas. Having an issue or two in which superheroes deal with a real world problem like drug abuse or suicide can be a very good and powerful thing, but taking Superman on a year long walking tour of misery is going to do nothing but make readers looking for a good time to look elsewhere.
MUSIC!
Concluding our week on mining Pickle's Pantry Parlour we are going live. Enjoy.
Alright, that's it for today. See you Wednesday and DFTBA.
Its Friday, July 9, 2010 and with Bruce Wayne bouncing around time a bit I figured on doing the same.
COMIX!!
This week was small but solid, and highlighted by BATMAN AND ROBIN #13 which should come as no surprise by those who have suffered through me gushing like a loon about how damn good Grant Morrison's run on Batman has been. There's been a bit of a gap between #12 and #13 to get the current storyline set up with THE RETURN OF BRUCE WAYNE. This is fine because now we have two storylines in two comics both heading to the same station.
Frazer Irving takes on the art chores on this stint of the run and its a joy. His style is so very clean and clear, and it delivers. There's so much going on in this story that it takes this straight forward approach to hit us with it. There's no ambiguity to what we are presented. The history of the Black Glove in what seems like an Elseworlds story, but this character is right in the face of the readers. Then there's the seemingly sane Joker, and this really shone through in Irving's artwork because he made the Joker seem almost normal in a normal setting. There was no exaggeration to him in how he was drawn, but his later mannerisms showed more than all the "dynamic" artwork would properly convey. Even the seeming execution scene at the beginning of the story is presented in a very matter of fact manner.
Note my use of seeming.
The Black Glove seems to be Thomas Wayne. The Joker seems to want to help Batman against the Black Glove. One of the key prophecies of BATMAN #666 seems to come to pass.
But what do we know?
We know there's an eclipse coming and those mark Bruce Wayne's pinballing through time. We know if Bruce Wayne reaches the present then bad things will happen. We know this was set in motion by Darkseid. We also know that the Joker knows something he isn't letting onto quite yet.
Which leads us to our suspicions. We suspect that the Black Glove may be the devil himself, but if this is a the case, and it is the result of the Omega Sanction that has Bruce Wayne bouncing through time, what exactly is the relationship between the two. Everything is wrapped very tightly into a narrative ball, and in the next couple of months we'll see which way it bounces.
HOME ARCHEOLOGY!!
The Missus discovered some books behind a drawer in the kitchen. Many of them contained recipes and quite a few of those were hand written. Beautiful handwriting too. Among the books was IN TIME OF EMERGENCY: A CITIZEN'S HANDBOOK ON ... NUCLEAR ATTACK ... NATURAL DIASTERS which was published by the Department of Defense and the Office of Civil Defense in march of 1968. The following is an excerpt on Improvising an outdoor fallout shelter.
If your home has no basement, no storm cellar and no protected crawl space, here are two ways of improvising fallout protection in you yard:
*Dig an L-shaped trench, about 4 feet deep and 3 feet wide. One side of the L, which will be the shelter area, should be long enough to accommodate all family members. The other side of the L can be shorter, since its purpose is to serve as an entrance-way and to reduce the amount of radiation getting into the shelter area.
Cover the entire shelter with lumber (or with house doors that have been taken off their hinges), except for about 2 feet on the short side of the L, to provide access and ventilation.
On top of the lumber or doors, pile earth 1 to 2 feet high, or cover them with other shielding material.
If necessary, support or "shore up" the wall of the trench, as well ad the lumber or doors, so they will not collapse.
*Dig a shallow ditch, 6 inches deep and 6 inches wide, parallel to and 4 feet from the outside wall of your house.
Remove the heaviest doors from the house. Place the bottoms of the doors in the ditch (so they won't slip), and lean the doors against the wall of the house.
On the doors, pile 12 to 18 inches of earth or sand. Stack or pile other shielding material at the sides of the doors, and also on the other side of the house wall (to protect you against radiation coming from that direction).
If possible, make the shelter area deeper by digging out more earth inside it. Also dig some other shallow ditches, to allow rain water to drain away.
Yeah. Pretty sure I'd be very much dead.
FUTURE TECH!!
And now we move onto the future, where the movies come to life.
I find this interesting from a writer's standpoint. I have no use for it, but I sit and wonder while reading BIRDS OF PREY why is Oracle still using a keyboard? Its like a reverse of when GLOBAL FREQUENCY had that TV pilot that unfortunately did not get picked up and Warren Ellis had described the phones used by GF agents to a Nokia representative and their response was "We've got those." Communication tech is keeping pace with sci-fi, but in terms of how people interact with computers truth seems to outpace a lot of fiction.
But then tech doesn't make people smarter. Take phone solicitors for instance...
Phone solicitor: Hello sir, we're calling to see if you're interested in upgrading your telephone service.
Joey: We don't have a phone.
Phone solicitor: Oh. Alright. Thank you.
Click.
MUSIC!!
And in keeping with our themes of comics and time travel here's the theme song to the movie TIMECOP based off a comic from Dark Horse.
POP QUIZ!!
1: If you could time travel, when and where would you go?
2: What do you think about the true identity of The Black Glove?
3: What's the coolest old thing you've discovered?
That's it for Friday. Leave a comment and if you have G-Mail head over to my Buzz to vote in this month's Tourney to determine the best action movie star.
It's Friday, June 25th despite what the time stamp on the blog might be telling you. The internet is full of lies! Here's something to read while you're at the office pretending to work and hoping to grow psychic powers that'll make time move faster so you can start the weekend.
BATTLEGROUND: TWITTER!!
Here in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia we have one afternoon radio show that dominates all others, and that is The Mike and Bob Show. They've been around over ten years now and there's been many changes over those ten years and different voices have joined Mike Powers and Bob Fresh in entertaining people. The most recent addition in the broadcast booth is a long time listener of the show and an old friend of Mike and Bob: Manny Fresh. He's nowhere near as polished as Mike, Bob or their engineer Little Nick Chappell on the microphone, but he does bring many things to the table. He has the ability to find a lot of things really fast on the internet, so if the guys need some info in mid topic, Manny can usually bring it up in a matter of minutes. Also Manny is a proponent and perpetrator of weird sex, which now that the rest of the guys are all married somebody has to have despicably entertaining stories to inflict upon the listening audience.
But not all are fans of Manny Fresh. And as Manny is pretty savvy with social media, that is how his chief detractor has struck. Oh yes, "Manny Fresh Sucks" on Twitter has began his assault upon the portly Filippino and has gotten a few followers mostly, I assume, in form of the husbands of many of the women Manny has bedded. This quickly got Manny and the show's attention, and has sparked a counter assault. Manny Fresh Great at the time of this writing has more followers than Manny Fresh Sucks proving that either the Manny Fresh Sucks guy is either completely off base in his viewpoint or isn't trying hard enough.
And like the Twilight fandom conflict in which fans have divides into factions of Team Edward and Team... um... whoever that other weird looking dude is, a middle ground has sprung up. Unlike the Team Buffy faction of the twilight nerdom which wants to just off both the weirdos, this little group doesn't have any really strong feelings towards Manny and just thinks he's alright. It should be noted that the shows hosts follow this third faction. You have to keep your bets hedged in these internet wars. And for those who desire a bit more street cred in your not really caring one way or the other, there's this group. There is also a Twitter account supposedly for Manny's Mom, but I steered clear of that, because I've just listed five different Twitter accounts and that's my limit of mentioning twitter accounts that don't have anything to do with me.
So here's the question: how many of these accounts is Manny Fresh actually behind? We know one is because that's his personal account. Manny is Alright was started by another show regular, The Hulkster. He said he didn't create Manny Fresh Great. But the kicker is this: what if he started Manny Fresh Sucks? Or possibly he could have an accomplice. The Manny Fresh Sucks guy hasn't bad mouthed the show and claims to be a fan. He just doesn't like Manny, supposedly. Could this be a cunning rouse, a plot if you will, to create a false controversy? It wouldn't be the first time someone has used the internet to play a cunning shadow game. If Manny did do this, he'll see real quick who his friends are and who aren't. Manny could theoretically do it. Like I said, he very computer savvy.
Or it could just be one nut with an axe to grind.
Time will tell...
SCIENCE!!
Not quite of the mad variety, but when a dude gets up in the morning and says to himself, "Ya know what? After I grab some bagels I'm going to build me a fusion reactor." and then he does it, it really puts a damper on things when I want to bad mouth the school system. This is of course quite a step up from the Boy Scout years ago who built a reactor in his parents shed, and I still think the mad little bastard should have gotten a glow in the dark merit badge. I'd love to be the reporter there in Brooklyn hanging out on the sidewalk asking people what they thought about the dude building and operating a reactor over by the deli. It was New York of course, so most of them were cool with it. Its Baseball season so they've got other things to worry about.
Cue the Beastie Boys! No Sleep 'til Fusion!
COMIX!!!
I'm a big fan of Garth Ennis's BATTLEFIELDS series, and he started his newest story arc "Motherland" this week. "Motherland" is a follow up to his previous story "The Sky Witches". Its about female Russian pilot in World War II. Excellent read and it sparked up a few questions in the Nozz compound. Were there really women fighter pilots in World War II? Ennis knows his stuff when writing about World War II, but just to make sure I did a little hunting and found this article. If you find the comic and aren't already reading it, give it a go. And if you don't give a damn about comics, but are a history buff, check it out. This was my non-spandex reading of the week and it was damn good.
Also this week SUPERMAN #700 hit the stands. Yes, just one week after BATMAN #700, Superman had himself a centennial issue. It was quite different from the Batman issue in that it had multiple stories from different creative teams. Some of them I really liked. One of them I thought was flat out terrible. Like Batman, Superman is having a lot of really big storyline stuff going on in his comics, and this issue does deal with them. Its a transition piece to be sure. One story serves as a wrap up to the previous story. Another gives us a glimpse at the direction the book may be taking. It has a few guest stars. All and all, it didn't really thrill me. I want a bit more from my big number comics.
Also this week, Bruce Wayne continues his magic temporal carpet ride in THE RETURN OF BRUCE WAYNE. This time he's facing Blackbeard the Pirate who is on a treasure hunt and is certain the treasure is in a certain cave. The story continues to be really cool. However, there is one gripe. This series is featuring a different artist in every issue. Well, last issue Hal Jordan was trapped at the end of time with rest of the time jockey bat search party. This issue he was sitting in the JLA headquarters, in a meeting. I'd love to say that it was Kyle Rayner and the lighting was hitting his hair in a particular way, but no, it was an editorial slip. They happen, and this one is a little more understandable than some of the previous ones, but in a book where there's so many visual clues as to what's going on its a bit jarring. I'm scouring the issue for clues and spot something that definitely isn't right, but its not intentionally not right. That or one of the Hal Jordans is an imposture, and hopefully both will die horribly just to make sure we got rid of the correct one.
NERD ROCK!!
Its time for some OK Go!
Great musicians and also their drummer it pretty formidable in staring contests.
That's it for Friday. Until Sunday I'm going to be trying to figure out how it is if someone hands in their resignation, and the boss accepts that resignation, people still say the dude got fired. And since I'm pondering things, you should ponder stuff too...
POP QUIZ!
Do you think Manny Fresh is behind the Twitter War?
If your neighbor was building a fusion reactor in the garage, what would you do?
Do you think Dan was totally robbed in the staring contest?
In answer to the world's energy needs scientists are planning on making a star. But don't worry, its just going to be a small one. Cute really. It would be very novel if not for one scientist having done it before.
Oh that's right kids, you don't just have to worry about CERN and the LHC ending the planet! They're gonna build a star in California, because that's where all the big stars are! And don't worry if it goes horribly awry, because I think Tobey Maguire lives out there somewhere, and he'll stop it! And if he needs help, he can call Robert Downey Jr.
They want to fire that sucker up in 2012. Oh yeah, the Mayans were right!
That article really does not fill me with a ton of confidence, especially when they say how the scientists are in a hurry wanting to get this done. It goes into detail about what they're doing. I just wish they were going to go into detail about how the hell they're going to contain this thing. Crazy shit happens with stars once their fuel is used up. Red giants. White dwarfs. Oh yeah and black holes. Those tend to suck. However, I hear The Hulk once contained a black hole, so I figure between Edward Norton and Eric Bana we should be covered in case that happens.
Crap. I've got enough to worry about. I don't need to worry about a bunch of guys who failed in their auditions for The Big Bang Theory who managed to get funding because they thought Alfred Molina was onto something, and even though they don't have eight arms, they can do it better.
Oh and firing this machine up will use a complete assload of power. In California. That rolling blackout is going to go all the way to Canada. But don't worry, it'll produce ten times the power it takes to operate. If it works. And doesn't kill us all.
Seriously, sometimes I think these guys sit around sometimes over coffee and discuss how cool the TERMINATOR movies are, but that'll never happen with the stuff they're doing. Oh no, they're so much smarter than those fools in the movie that created an AI. Their AI will be so much better and never ever turn against them.
