Barry Allen made me Marty Nozz

Yeah, I know I said I was going to stay away from the FLASH: REBIRTH idiocy, but the part of me that has to look at car accidents as I drive by made me check it out. For those who don't know Barry Allen was the Flash way back when i was a little kid and watching SUPER FRIENDS. In the mid-80s, Barry died saving the universe during the CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS series. Since then his sidekick Kid Flash, AKA Wally West took over. So Wally's been the Flash for over twenty years.

So why bring Barry back now? It's simple, Dan DiDio is the DC editor-in-chief and he wanted Barry back just like he wanted Hal Jordan back. Guess he really liked SUPER FRIENDS back in the day. Yes, it's a stupid reason. Yes, it's a horrible idea. Yes, I'm not the only one who thinks so:

"And Barry... well I love him, but he was a stiff. Did he have any personality at all?"

"Barry Allen was the perfect hero for his time. The 1960s."

Those quotes come from a conversation from when this topic was brought up before. If you don't know who said them, I'll tell ya later.

As for the issue at hand, it's not a total loss. The art is really nice. Ethan Van Sciver isn't afraid to put a ton of detail into his pages, and i really dig that. There is a one little coloring error in there. Not as bad as Mister Miracle's ethnicity change in the middle of FINAL CRISIS, but it made me smirk.

Let's start with the line that gave this post it's title. "Barry Allen made me the Flash." Now, reading this out of context one would think that this line would be given to Wally West. But no. That would make sense. It's given to Jay Garrick who was the first Flash back in World War II. In continuity, this was the guy who Barry idolized. Following that line is a bunch of poppycock about how Barry inspired Jay to come out of retirement, and that led to the Justice Society returning and so forth.

Here's what gets me: Barry Allen is the Saint of the DC Universe. He's the guy who sacrificed himself for everyone. That claptrap that Geoff Johns wrote trying make Barry Allen feel important is rubbish and a waste of time. He's a very important character because of the sacrifice he made. That sacrifice is pretty much null and void now.

On to another really stupid line: "The bow ties weren't my fault." This seems really trivial but it's really not. Barry Allen was not cool. He wore the bow ties because they went well with his pocket protector. He always wore those bow ties, and he didn't apologize for them. However, he did tell that line to Hal Jordan, the poster boy for 'it's not my fault'. Perhaps Barry was possessed by the cosmic entity Geekallax who caused Barry to wear those bow ties.

As for appearances, whatever plastic surgeon Iris Allen went to, he's absolutely fabulous. It had to Doctor Midnight, because only a super-hero surgeon could make a woman approximately fifty years old look like that. Kind of spoils the illusion of Iris supposedly being in her late 20s when her GRANDSON appears in the very same issue. When Iris returned from the future with her grandson Bart she was in her forties. That was being really generous too. Time has passed since then. Now it's getting wound backwards. I get that Barry's body is physically the same age as when he died and now he's supposed to be about the same age as Wally. Does this make Iris a cougar?

On to the continuity clusterfuck, which really surprised me because Johns made his rep by plugging continuity holes. Seems according to this issue Barry's father was arrested for murdering his mother. Never mind the fact that both his parents were alive and well and helped to comfort Barry after Iris's supposed death. This is a recurring theme in John's work. The hero must have some sort of tragedy befall them, and it's often revolving around family especially fathers. Hal Jordan watched his father die in a plane crash. Jonathon Kent got killed off last year. Now this. I know a few people would considered John's creation Zoom to be a Mary Sue (note: a Mary Sue is a character that represents the author). Zoom believed that a hero had to go through tragedy to become a better hero. Guess the Mary Sue theory just got more evidence.

As I was reading the issue I just kept thinking to myself 'who is this guy?' They kept insisting he was Barry Allen, but frankly it sure didn't seem like him. He was impatient. He couldn't get away from Hal fast enough to go do whatever he was going to do. He spent zero time with Iris in the issue. I mentioned his makeover before. Frankly I thought I was reading "The Return of Barry Allen" all over again and was waiting for the reveal that it was really Eobard Thawne masquerading as Barry again. That would actually make more sense with how he's acting.

Caught on to who I quoted before? It was a conversation between Mark Waid and his editor Brian Augustyn that spurred from Waid's frustration about people asking him 'when's Barry coming back'. They both knew then that it would be a bad idea, and the "Return of Barry Allen" was a healthy does of be careful what you wish for directed at the drooling fan boys of the time who expected death to not last forever. It seems from what I've heard from critics and readers alike that this is another does. Honestly, I know very few people who wanted this to happen. A lot of them are disappointed with this issue too.

The only bright spot in the writing was the handling of Bart Allen. I'm glad the character is back as Kid Flash. I can understand Bart being upset about Barry's return. He still misses his mentor, Max Mercury, and with Barry could return, then why couldn't Max?

So, where's this thing going to go? Pretty easy to answer. Barry is going to investigate why the Speed Force is acting for weird and think he's at fault for it. It'll turn out to be the killer shown at the beginning of the issue who as it turns out framed Barry's father for the murder of his mother. This will be followed by Barry racing Superman to figure out who is faster even though Superman is supposed to be away for a year and the fact that this notion has been done to death and then some. I have no basis really for any of that, but let's see how accurate I am.

Welcome back Barry. Now go away.

Sane person in the madhouse.

So, I missed reading SEAGUY, but others have not. And while the hot buzz may be about Barry Allen returning and taking over the FLASH comic fortunately there's a lovely alternative. For those interested in a stunning review of SEAGUY you should go here.

Now, there's a bit in there that I'd like to address, and while I considered doing so by way of a comment in his blog, this way he may get a bit more traffic, and frankly his blog deserves it.

SeaGuy might seem a comic as mad as the doctors think SeaGuy is, but I'm increasingly convinced that it's what superhero comics look like in the 2009 where the industry isn't crazy.

Accessible but challenging, self-contained but richly intertextual, imaginative but disciplined.

In the sane 2009, the one where truly psychopathic books like Battle for the Cowl: Man-Bat or Bomb Queen V don't exist, then the racks are filled with superhero comics that're just like SeaGuy (whilst also being totally different).

We've hit the point in the comic industry where good story-telling has declared open war on fan service. The weird part is that it's not the comic readers that are getting the fan service. Decrees have come done from the editor-in-chiefs of the big two as to what we are supposed to like. It does not matter that Wally West grew up and has been the Flash for the last twenty-four years when the Dan DiDio likes Barry Allen better. It does not matter that people have enjoyed seeing Peter Parker settle down and be a family man all the while balancing keeping his city safe when Joe Quesada likes the idea of Pete as a bachelor better. Change is coming! And we're supposed to like it. They tell us to.

The stories are not as important as the event surrounding the story. And the stories had better be worth getting that extra masthead across the top or it's just not grand enough. But really, it doesn't have to be a good story, it just has to tie into a better story enough that people might think they're missing something for not purchasing it. Oh, and the ending of that better story, the one that has the editor so excited, had better end just like he likes it, or it's going to get changed.

I'm all for accessible, yet challenging storytelling. Unfortunately, the really good stuff seems to be going over the heads of those that have the power to let it see print. Thank goodness for Vertigo.

Times a-changin'...

I'm not liking what I am seeing from where my entertainment money goes. I one consistent expense for my own amusement is my weekly comic fix. The majority of the comics I buy are DC. DC is heading in directions I don't like. What really galls me is that the writer attached to much of what I'm not liking is someone I had been a fan of: Geoff Johns.

What I liked about Johns was that the stuff he wrote was genuinely engaging to me. He's very good at hooking a reader in. I liked his FLASH run. I loved his TEEN TITANS run. He's still doing stuff I enjoy. I love BOOSTER GOLD. But then things start to pop up. GREEN LANTERN: REBIRTH was the first big bump in the road. Its no secret to anyone who has followed this blog for a while that I feel that DC should have never brought back Hal Jordan. I think it degrades the excellent stories, like FINAL NIGHT, however I went along with it. I picked up the first few issues of the new Jordan starring series and now had evidence of something I knew all along:

Even though I loved Hal Jordan when I was a kid, I'm not a kid anymore, and Hal Jordan isn't really very interesting.

Seriously folks, who would you think I'd relate to: the fearless, skirt chasing jet test pilot or the artist/graphic designer who was in the right place at the right time but does his best to step up to the plate?

Fast forward to this week. LEGION OF THREE WORLDS #2 and ROGUES' REVENGE #3 hit the stands. Both penned by Johns. ROGUES' REVENGE wraps up things paving the way for the impending FLASH: REBIRTH (very imaginative title, insert eyeroll here please), bringing the return of Barry Allen to the title role of the FLASH comic. As I've written before, this is easily the stupidest move I've seen DC make. To make matters even stupider, at the end of the issue in question, the Rogues are referring to Allen's return, saying he's the Flash that never cut him any slack. If he's coming back then it's big time trouble.

Barry Allen? Hardcore? Whiskey tango foxtrot?

Moving over to the Legion. Yes, I've written and sent my letter trying to save the current series. Then I go and read LEGION OF THREE WORLDS. I want to say I haven't seen such bias in a long time, but its an election year so we know that's false. George Perez is the sole reason that this book wasn't a complete crapfest. Perez, as always, brings all the goods to the table, and while I rarely endorse a comic solely for the art, I will do so here. Kudos to Mister Perez. Jeers to Johns. We get the textbook, big super villain team up. We get the heroes bickering over whether or not to bump off Superboy-Prime. We get Sun Boy seeing the action from his apartment, making a really corny line about a sun shining and retreating into his apartment, likely to write self-loathing poetry. Nice to know the emo fad has lasted 1000 years into the future. We get the horribly uncharacteristic writing of the Threeboot Brainiac 5. Add in some Green Lantern fanboyism and of course a character from the current Green Lantern books managing to still be alive a millennium later. I'm really on the fence about dropping this book. Lousy writing, but spectacular art.

My current pull list has been hemorrhaging DC titles this year. So what will this mean for my future as a read? Will I go over to Marvel? No, I dropped them back in '96 and see nothing there to entice me back over. Will I drop DC entirely? Also no, they're still putting out great titles like WONDER WOMAN and TINY TITANS, and those are works I'm very much enjoying still.

So which direction will I head in? DC seems to not want my business as much anymore with their insipid "retro trend". Honestly, if I want to read about the silver age Justice league, I'd buy the old comics, I don't need the characters resurrected. I'm not heading back over to Marvel, because I'm not into the whole Skrull-o-rama deal.

It's time to explore other options. More on this later.