Racism, or just needing to try harder?

Its Wednesday, May 18, 2011, all's fair in love and way, and if its not you can always get a lawyer, and this is The Side. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just really, really naive. I understand that life is not fair. There's people out there stronger, smarter, faster, and more skilled than me. But I do try to give myself what advantages I can. I try to pay attention. I try to implement tactics that play to my strengths. I identify my strengths so I know what tactics will work best for me. I identify my weaknesses so I can try to fix them, or at least have a back up plan in case those weaknesses get preyed upon.

So it does kinda tick me off to hear people whine about something not being fair. Of course there is injustice in the world, but it gets hard to spot sometimes amidst all the claims of injustice. If you want fair, play "Chutes and Ladders". That's about as fair as the world is gonna get.

But you can't tell some people that.

THE CHICAGO WAY

So let me get this straight, Chicago has to hire 111 black firefighters and pay out buckets of money because of racist hiring practices? A bunch of people take a test. 64% is considered passing. They have a limited number of positions to fill. They randomly select the number of people they need from those scoring 89% on the test or higher. Now because most of the people that scored 89% or higher weren't black the hiring process must be racist and the city has to stroke out checks?

Just when you think society had a prayer.

Screw this. Screw this on every level. This is the most idiotic, patronizing thing I've seen in a long time. People keep saying its what's on the inside that counts, and we're all the same under our skin, but when there's a check to cashed from accusations of racism folks still line right up. Was there a question on that test anywhere asking "Hey, are you a black guy?" that if answered "yes" knocked their score down a few points? I kinda doubt it. But this isn't the first story of "test bias" that I'm heard. There was a case in Florida back in 04 where the police department was accused of having their hiring practices being biased. It was the swimming test of all things. They said the black candidates were having trouble with the swimming test, so they dropped that test as a requirement. So, for those of you in North Miami, ya better be wearing your floaties.

Now, this differs significantly from the Chicago case. The Miami case happened because they were understaffed and couldn't get people through the test. That's kinda scary that the lack of qualified people was to the point where they had to lower the qualifications. The Chicago case is really different in that the Chicago Fire Department had plenty of qualified applicants. More than enough people passed the test. More than enough people did so well on the test that they were able to hire strictly from high scorers. And that's what they did. They hired the amount of the people that they needed randomly from the pool of high scorers. They didn't factor in skin color.

Which is why they're getting sued.

I'm a white guy. If I was told that standards didn't apply to me because of my skin color I'd a be pretty damn insulted. If I come up short on a level playing field, that's how it goes. I shouldn't get special considerations over people who perform better than me based solely on race. How does that work? "Oh, you're white. You don't have to do as good on this test. We understand you're not as good as other people who aren't white. Have a cookie."

Even worse, imagine being a citizen of Chicago! If there's a fire or emergency, you aren't getting the best qualified people coming to your aid! But you better not have a problem with that or someone might call you a racist.

I thought we were past this. I thought it was supposed to be all about doing your best and trying to better yourself. You didn't get a good enough score on the test? Study harder and try again. My cousin didn't whine about his SAT scores when he knew what college he wanted to go to. He didn't demand that the college lower their expectations. He kept retaking the test until the score was good enough. That college was Harvard, so it wasn't a walk in the park.

But the case in Chicago is going forward. I guess there's a lesson here. You don't have to man up when you can lawyer up. Hope no cows get near any lanterns any time soon.

MUSIC!!!

Ironically, these guys seem a lot more realistic than Lady Gaga.



That's my bit for today. See y'all Friday. Hope you don't have to take any racist tests.

DnC Studios Versus Chicago: No Reservations

We grabbed some grub in the North Carolina airport knowing we would be going on a food safari and we might as well start enjoying ourselves. Chris had some ribs and I had to get some Carolina Bar-be-que. It was on point, but the games had only begun.

Day one of the Con was kinda a bust, but after the show things were looking up. Linda and company helped us take our things back to the hotel and then we hopped the L to head into the city to Giordano's. If you're going to be in Chi-Town then you've got to have some deep dish pizza. We arrived and some friends had a table already, so we joined them. Chris, Dylan, Vince, Linda and myself get a stuffed crust pizza with pepperoni, sausage and black olives. The meat was baked into the crust while the olives rest atop this glorious thing before us. I had a 312 Ale to wash it down as Chris and I absolutely crushed our first pieces. I think we shocked Linda a bit, but construction guys eat fast. We held court sharing our stories of Virginia, and probably guaranteeing that none of them will ever come and visit us.

Then we faced a problem. There were three slices left and five or us. Who would be the asshole and go after the second piece first? Vince and Linda in a show of class begged off, saying they were stuffed, opening the door of Chris, Dylan and myself to descend upon the rest of the pie like a pack of wolves. Never had pizza like that before. Truly top notch.

The five of us then braved the L back to our respective hotels. I say "braved' due to Lolapalooze letting out about the same time and the L was teeming with dirty footed hippies. One of which was in dire straights and spotted the fact that I had a bottle of soda.

Hippie: Dude, can I please have a sip of your soda? I'm dying here.

Me: Dude, before you have a sip of my soda I need to now what you're dying of.

I hate hippies. But I digress.

The following morning there was a steady downpour of rain preventing Chris and I from grabbing fast food for breakfast. We didn't have a vehicle on this trip. So, we had breakfast at the hotel restaurant. I had never had lemon crepes before.

The hotel staff continued to spoil us with complimentary fruit smoothies and pastries. The food was more sophisticated then I'm used to. It was a real treat.

There was a communication break down on day 2 with Linda losing my phone number. So we hit the town with our con neighbors, Andy and Kim. Dodging horrible lumps of stuff on the stairway out of the L we made out way across town. It was a real treat to see the areas that doubled for Gotham city in the recent Batman movies. We saw a guy, drunk to the point of caveman status, stumbling along and dropping his liquor bottles. How he made it back to his hotel and didn't get ran over is beyond me.

We crossed the river and the air was thick. I found it a bit hard to breath as the air was heavy with the scent of the river. I was hoping to be away from it soon. We passed street performers playing drums and break dancing. I looked around to try to spot where we might be going. Andy led us to a staircase in the sidewalk, which had me confused for a moment until I turned to go down it.

Then the smell hit me. Actually, it embraced me. We descended into history.

Hidden from the tourists and the very sky above was a practical hole in the wall: The Billy Goat Tavern. Established in 1934 the Billy Goat is an institution. We had hot dog, double cheeseburgers, whoops, I mean CHEEZBORGERS, with chips and Billy Goat Ale to wash them done. We were surrounded on all sides by pictures of athletes, movie stars and politicians all of whom had come to this place. It was incredible. We sat there, looking at the pictures, enjoying our food and just soaking in the history around us. That place is special. I'm in Andy's debt for leading me there.

Linda brought us Chicago Style Hot Dogs the next day for lunch at the Con, which was an unnecessary but greaty appreciated apology for the previous night. Chicago dogs versus Convention center dogs? No contest.

After the show, Linda Vince and Dylan yet again helped us with our stuff and we hit the southside on a mission. Google maps yet again led us to somebody's doorstep, and they would not feed us. Still we found the Silver Palm.

We were in the hunt for the Three Little Piggies. This sandwich was reviewed in Maxim Magazine as one of the top 5 in the nation. It's a deep friend pork tenderloin, a slice of ham, bacon, two kinds of cheese, a fried egg and an fried onion ring.

I know what you're thinking. That can't be kosher. This sandwich not only isn't Kosher, it's flat out anti-Semitic. This thing is a Swastika on a bun!

Linda and Vince in a fit of sanity did not order the sandwich. Chris, Dylan and myself had no such rationality to save us.

We ordered that thing and the waitress asked about our medical history.

We got our beers and then came the sandwich. The sandwich comes with fries and I still wonder why. We looked at the sandwiches. I pondered briefly what they would say at my funeral. This was beyond sustenance, beyond a vicious case of the noms... this was man versus food. Three of us. There of them.

We clinked our beers and it was on like Donkey Kong.

We tore into our opponents, and Father God save me, it was the greatest sandwich I have ever eaten. I nearly wept. Still this was a battle, and our opponent played for keeps. This was eating the Chicago way! You sent one of theirs to your stomach, it sends your ass to the morgue!

Chris was forced to tap out about half way through. It was up to me and Dylan. Sweet Geebus, even the gristle was good! Dylan subdued his foe. The score was tied: 1 to 1. It was all up to me. The sandwich was an unweildy beast. I had great difficulty controlling it. I approached the end game with the others watching me and cheering me on. Goaded on, I shoved the rest of the bastard sandwich into my gaping maw. After some chewing and hanging onto the table for dear life, I finally swallowed the last of it and then ran a brief victory lap.

It took three hand washings and shower before I stopped smelling like pork.

We returned home the following day. Although we were paupers at the convention, after the show, we ate like Kings.

DnC Studios versus Chicago: the Con Report

This was a really big deal for me as this was the the Con that was in my mind the big one. I could care less about San Diego. It strikes me as being more about other nerd media than comics. This trip was my gift for the year. I cared about nothing else. I just wanted this trip. My wife made it happen.

Johnson has been under siege by a vicious wave of misfortune over the past month. He was hanging in as best he could. He just had to make it to the show. We prepped as best we could. We got out the door later than I had hoped. There was much chain smoking being done as Johnson attempted to decompress. We then confirmed that Goggle maps is indeed the Wikipedia of directions as our directions to the airport led me to someone's doorstep. they didn't have a plane. Still we made the flight, and after dropping down to North Carolina to see people in rocking chairs using their laptops and others gathered around power outlets as if they were campfires in the arctic we proceeded to Chicago.

We stayed at the Rosemont O'Hare which is attached to the convention center by a skywalk, which came in handy due to rain. The hotel was indeed the lap of luxury for the pair of us and the staff treated us like kings. We missed premier night, but got settled in and had a couple of drinks at the bar. We went over our last minute game plans.

The next morning we got up at six and headed down to the complimentary coffee bar. We seemed to be the only guests in the hotel to be stirring at that hour. We discovered later that my phone didn't stnc up with the time zone change and the room alarm clock was off by an hour. Yep, we were up at 5 in morning. Fine, gave us time to pick up the last minute essentuals for working the table: a case of Cokes, a tin of Altoids and a couple packs of smokes.

We found ourselves on the far side of the world in the artist alley, but at least it was a short walk to the can. I was directly across from Tony Moore and Chris Samnee, and was kicking myself for not bringing my QUEEN AND COUNTRY definitive edition for him to sign. We met our neighbors Andy Budnick and his girlfriend Kim. Delightful folks.

Day one was slow and painful. Although we did manage to make about $7.

God bless hot librarians who like Batgirl. You can see Chris Samnee hard at work behind her. Spotting quite a few folks dressed as Doctor Horrible I preceded to do some pictures of the character in hopes of getting some sales. I continued trying up finish out the Twitter event. The major plus side was Linda showing up with Vince and Dylan. Linda's a long time e-friend and this was our first face-to-face meeting. She likes to take credit for my making the trip. While that's not the case, meeting her finally was definitely the biggest perk and made the trip worthwhile.

Our staggering sales certainly weren't.

This was also the day we came to discover our table came complete with a Tom and Jerry booby trap which consisted of 5 gallon plastic buckets which were suspended over us and periodically dripped water down upon us. Nothing like a roof leak and/or air conditioning condensation over what is, in essence, a celebration of paper. We got quite chummy with many of the volunteers.

This Con was in trouble. 100 out of the 135 volunteers that were to work the show never showed up. DC didn't show up. Marvel didn't show up. Dark Horse didn't show up. Seems we picked a great year for our first appearance.

And they seriously need to feed their volunteers too. Poor starving bastards.

Day two was looking up. The Doctor Horrible pics were selling a bit. We got some commissions. I'm surprised we didn't get more considering we were charging $5 for fully inked pictures. My bristol got more use fanning Linda and company who were very warm in their outfits. This was the day of the costume contest so everyone was decked out in their best costumes. Cosmic Boy declared me his arch-nemesis. I answered by pelting him with a wad of tin foil and mocking his magnetic powers. Dick Blick came through for us big time. He was selling art supplies and took excellent care of us. He's got a couple of new life time customers now. I also snagged a copy of Ong Bak 2.

By the end of day 2 fatigue had set in. Johnson was doing well since he ran into Michelle Rodrigez on one of his smoke breaks and got the hang with her a bit.

Day three arrived and I was feeling punchy. I also had questions for one Chris Samnee.

Me: So, with it being day three and everyone's kinda punchy, hypothetically speaking, if you were inking a piece and some one from, let's just say across the aisle here, were to say, hypothetically, chuck a paper airplane at you, what would happen?

Samnee: I'd punch them right in the face.

Me: Hypothetically?

Samnee: Hypothetically, of course.

We then agreed that the guy the Quicksilver costume the day before really should have been wearing underwear. Nothing bonds artists faster than the sheer horror of shiny spandex clad dongs right at your eye level.

I drew a lot on day 3. Did a bunch of pictures. I even managed to walk around a bit. Linda and I walked the aisles. She made some purchases and chatted with folks. I marveled at what a complete moron the kid selling weapons was. It was all a bit of a blur that day and my sense of time crumbled.

That was pretty much it. Coming out of it I determined that a Con is a Con. The mystique is gone, but it was a pretty good show. Johnson wants to do it again next year. We may have to return.