Geek Overload!

Hang on, I'm comin'. Its Sunday, May 15, 2011, I'm limpin' like a pimp with polio, and this is The Side. Blogger was down for most of Thursday and Friday, so I'm making up for that today. As for the limp, I'm pretty sure I aggravated an old injury. I came off a roof years ago and broke my heel. Taking the down time necessary to let it heal right wasn't an option, so I kept going on with things, and typically its fine. However, work this week involved jumping over some railing repeatedly, and eventually I landed wrong.

Guess its time to put my feet up and talk some comics.

FALL OF THE AMAZON

Well, I said the Wonder Woman TV show was looking and sounding pretty bad, and it seems that upon seeing the pilot episode NBC agreed with me. I've followed this story and read a bunch of articles about it and I've looked at comments attached to the articles. No one had much of anything nice to say about it.

Look, the girl was pretty, and she might be a pretty good actress, but she looked either freaked out or constipated whenever she was photographed doing any stunts. The costume was redesigned three times based off the latest Jim lee design which no one really cares for. It doesn't look like Wonder Woman, plain and simple. Word is the script was atrocious. I heard there was a seen with Wonder Woman crying over her ice cream with Etta Candy over the stress of being Wonder Woman and running a business, which wouldn't surprise me one bit since David Kelley was behind this.

This thing didn't have a prayer.

Fans keep bitching and moaning about the lack of a live action Wonder Woman project. I still say be happy with the awesome animated feature from a few years ago. But, if you want to do this right you put Greg Rucka, Gail Simone, and Eric Kripke in a room together, and you let them have it out. Rucka and Simone understand what is great about the character of Wonder Woman and Kripke knows how to make epic TV and still ground it. You let them get the ball rolling. You then find an actress who is athletic, and preferably with a strong background in dance. Dancers perform incredible physical feats while making it look graceful and easy. Wonder Woman is as tough as they come, but she's incredibly graceful. This is important, just as much as having the acting chops to pull off a character who is elegant and caring and very compelling.

This can be done right.

COMIX!!

This week FLASHPOINT #1 came out in which DC let's us all know that Barry Allen is the greatest hero ever and without him the DC Universe would be doomed, but not in a way that made sense like "Chain Lightning". The effects of this story will be felt through out comics everywhere. In fact, Marvel's "Fear Itself" storyline concludes with Barry Allen telling everyone that 'everything will be alright' and then resurrecting Johnny Storm with the power of his awesomeness.

Let's light this candle with BATMAN INCORPORATED #6 in which we discover quite a few things, but foremost is Chris Burnham is one hell of an artist. Love his work here, right down to him drawing Bruce Wayne's eyebrows to suggest little bat wings. These previous issues have been a lot of build up. We've got an idea of what's going on. If you haven't been following but were thinking about maybe trying to jump on this train, this is the issue to do it. I've talked a lot about how Bruce Wayne is structuring this thing and here it all is laid out pretty for us. We also get a good taste of how this organization is going to operate. There's a couple of new members including a mysterious new Wingman who will be Bruce's ace-in-the-hole in the upcoming fight with Leviathan (Its Barry Allen, because Barry Allen is the awesome-est hero ever). This new foe has been creeping me out. He weaponizes children and its revealed that the youngest one is 18 months old. That pushes all the buttons I need to make me want Bruce Wayne to take this guy out. This book is flat out cool.

Moving it on over to R.E.B.E.L.S. #28. This is the book's final issue. They've had a great run. This was definitely a sleeper book which I don't think had a huge following, but everyone who got onboard really dug it. Word is this book got axed to make room for all the FLASHPOINT stuff, because Barry Allen is so awesome that there's just not enough room for all of the existing DC titles and the amount of awesomeness Barry Allen possesses. We get the conclusion of the battle with Starro. There wasn't a ton of loose ends to get wrapped up, so this book is nice and tight. Thank you Tony Bedard, Claude St. Rubin, and the rest of the creative team for a really fun ride.

In RED ROBIN #23, Time is up against assassins who are in competition to kill important people and he's got to stop them before they get to Barry Allen thus depriving the world of his awesomeness. Tim's running a nasty risk trying to get the inside track to take this group on, and its one that Commissioner Gordon and Batman don't quite approve of. Marcus To is back on pencils, and thank goodness for that. The story is pretty good. Tim's walking a fine line, and I'm hoping to see this pay off.

Things are getting thick in BATGIRL #21 as the Reapers send their latest agent, Harmony, on missiony types things which our gal Steph has to stop, which she does with a "huzzah", thus validating me for bringing back "huzzah". She also has to deal with her stalker, The Grey Ghost, who turns from annoying to creepy to jerk. I've enjoyed the dynamic in this book with Steph and Wendy, but its looking like that's coming to an end as Wendy is leaving to go to Nanda Parbat to try heal herself and start a church devoted to the Awesomeness of Barry Allen. This book continues to be consistently entertaining.

BIRDS OF PREY #12 has Jesus Saiz joining Gail Simone in this new storyline, and I'm one happy little nerd. I totally dig Saiz. I loved his stuff on the old CHECKMATE series and hes true to form here. The Birds latest case connects with one of The Questions, so we get a Question/Huntress team-up which is always a blast. We have the Birds working an infiltration, which makes it so fitting that Saiz is onboard with a superhero/espionage angle. I'm going to be honest, this felt like a Greg Rucka book. This is what I think it would be like if Rucka took a turn writing BoP. I mean this as a complete compliment to Gail Simone, as Rucka is in my eyes one of the top espionage story writers working today. I loved this. I loved this so much that I can't even slip a Barry Allen awesomeness line in here.

In HELLBOY: BEING HUMAN, HB and Roger the Homunculus head to South Carolina to investigate a weird grave robbing that takes a nasty twist. Its a nasty case with some bad voodoo involved. Roger is forced into action which he's not very comfortable with. He's not the violent sort. Fortunately, Barry Allen shows up to tell him that everything is alright. This is a fun little one-shot. If you haven't gotten a good, creepy Hellboy fix in a while, then this should be just what you need.

This has been the word of Barry Allen for the people of Barry Allen. Praise be to Barry. Allen.

NOZZ'S FAVORITE SUPERHERO MOVIES: TOP 10!!

Mike Federali wanted to know, so here we go. These are my favorites, and not based of critical reviews or how much money they made. These are also strictly live action movies, because if I start factoring in animated movies this list changes entirely.

10: The Phantom The first hero to wear tights, and purple ones at that! Billy Zane hit the weights like a champ because he refused to wear a padded costume. Same writer as INDIANA JONES AND LAST CRUSADE. Its a family friendly adventure and a great popcorn flick.

9: The Crow This movie pretty much hit cult status upon release. This was going to be Brandon Lee's star maker, but ended up his swan song. Great film with an awesome soundtrack.

8: Spider-man Tobey Maguire and Willam Defoe really brought their a games. While I'm not a big fan of Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane I'm willing to look past that for the many great scenes in this film.

7: Sin City They filmed a comic and did it well. Brilliant cast. Robert Rodriguez brought Frank miller's comic to the big screen in a way no one was really ready for. This was the big comeback for Mickey Rourke and he played Marv to the hilt.

6: Ironman 2 Speaking of Rourke, notice how the first Ironman flick ain't here? Its because Mickey Rourke drove this film like a champ. Robert Downey Jr. did his thing, but the rest of the cast were just as stellar.

5: Hellboy If you want to talk about great casting, Ron Perlman as Hellboy is spot on. This movie is a blast. Del Toro brought us right into the Hellboy world and mythos without a cop out or apology.

4: Batman Begins This is the best Batman film to date. Christian Bale is a great Bruce Wayne. And just when things got too heavy you have Michael Caine with every bit of charm you'd expect from Alfred Pennyworth. That's exactly what was missing from THE DARK KNIGHT: charm.

3: 300 No prisoners! No Mercy! This movie kicks ass on a primal level. They expanded on the comic quite a bit, but it was done so very well. This movie is one to watch when you need to get fired up to do what you've got to do.

2: Spider-man 2 Alfred Molina was remarkable here. Tobey Maguire again played an excellent Peter Parker. The train fight was remarkable. We really felt horrible for poor old Spidey making cheering him on as he saves the day that much more satisfying.

1: Thor That's right, I'm going there. Like I said when I reviewed it, this movie was a blast. Just a whole lot of fun. Good action. Funny as hell in parts. And it had a very solid plot and story. Top notch work and wasn't afraid to pull us straight into a fantasy world which it showed off gloriously.

MUSIC!!

Been a bit stressed this week. Missing Friday's post due to technical problems didn't help. Still, when you feel down, and Barry Allen is busy saving the world, there's only one thing to do.



That's my load for today. No numbers jump after the Pocoyopocalypse, but I'm keeping an eye on it. I'll see y'all Wednesday. My Barry Allen bless you and keep you.

Eat your heart out, Leonard Snart!

Yes, I'm continuing banging the drum as to why FLASH: REBIRTH is wrong in nearly every way imaginable. This may seem petty and vindictive, but I get cranky when the unspoken yet fundamental rules of popular culture get stamped upon. So, here we go looking way too deeply at the paradigms that mold the science fiction sub-genre which dominates the particular medium I love and have loved for decades.

Superman was first. He started it. He's the iconic figure representing science fiction in the sub-genre in that he's an alien from another world who's very presence on Earth gives him nearly omnipotent powers. Batman is on the opposite end of the spectrum representing the pinnacle of human achievement and using personal tragedy to form himself into something greater. Wonder Woman represents the aspect of mythology in the sub-genre giving credence to mysticism and tales of ancient times. These are the three fundamental aspects of the whole ball of wax: humanity, mythology and pure sci-fi. This is why these three characters are not only considered the "trinity" of the DC Universe but of the sub-genre of comic book superheroes.

So where does The Flash fit into the key elements of all of this? It's simple. The Flash does the obvious: he moves.

The Flash is what moves the genre forward. The creation of Barry Allen ushered in the Silver Age of comics. Hell, everyone immediately recognizes the Carmine Infantino designed costume and I guarantee that every speedster character created since owes at least a small nod to that design. Following Barry's creation in 1954 came a revitalization on the sub-genre that even spread over to Marvel in 1961 when Stan Lee and Jack Kirby made that company what it is today.

Then came Barry Allen meeting Jay Garrick. This added in the concept of the "multiverse" into DC continuity. This opened the door for characters from the old Whiz and Charlton comics to make their way into the DCU. Think of the DCU without Captain Marvel or the Blue Beetle for a moment. Not a very nice thought.

The Flash mythos knows when to pass the torch. They knew the time was right for Barry Allen to start running and move away from Jay Garrick. Likewise they also knew when it was time for a sidekick to actually fulfill the promise of the role. Wally West has grown up, too grown to be Kid Flash. The time for the 'Multiverse' in the DCU was to come to an end. Barry Allen was killed off. The character that had introduced the Multiverse concept died in the same storyline that the Multiverse did.

But as always, the Flash moves forward. Wally West picked up the mantle. Sure, Dick Grayson was Batman for a short while. Donna Troy has been Wonder Woman. Wally did it first and, unlike Grayson and Troy, his move stuck. This opened the door for the creation of new and exciting characters just as Barry Allen's creation had. Think of the DCU without Kyle Rayner, Connor Hawke, Ryan Choi or Jamie Reyes. When you're done cringing, thank Wally West.

Despite the forces that would make the genre a dark and 'gritty' area of the pop culture imagination there will always be things moving the thought stream in the right direction. "When Mark Waid took over writing THE FLASH, Wally West was one more 'realistic' jerk in a field obsessed, since the mid-80s, by rapists, serial killers and tormented, unshaven 'heroes' doing tormented, unshaven, repetitive things." (Morrison, 1998) Then came the start of the greatest study in character development in comics. "Born To Run" didn't just change the Flash, it was the start of a movement in comics which saw heroes being heroes again. Saving the world every Wednesday and still willing to rescue a kitten out of a tree.

In all these times of great progression it's been the right time. Something in the collective subconsciousness knew it was time to move forward. Something was in the air and things that were as grand as year long events, as interesting as a new writer seeing things differently or as simple as one person wanting to tell a cool story changed the course of an entire sub-genre.

The forward progression is important. Mark Waid made people stop asking the stupid question of "When is Barry coming back?" Great writers do such things. If you want more proof, did out old issues of STORMWATCH and notice how the question "When's Diva coming back?" promptly stopped after Warren Ellis knocked the fanboys on their flabby asses.

And herein lies the problem with FLASH: REBIRTH.

You can't move onward when it's not time. The idiotic notion of "It's not a Crisis until a Flash dies" had been snuffed back in ZERO HOUR where it was thought that Wally West perished. What readers were subsequently treated to were THE FLASH #0 (Which is easily one of my favorite Flash stories of all time) and then "Terminal Velocity" which had to be one of the best love stories disguised as an action story anywhere. When the edict came down that there was to be a new Flash after 2005's INFINITE CRISIS if was doomed to failure. There was no one ready to pick up where Wally left off. This led to aging Bart Allen to adulthood, thereby stealing what was left of his youth and forcing him into the role. The progression was forced. It was obvious, and it could not be sustained.

Now, since the current editorial powers could not shift things forward, they shifted it backwards, back to Barry Allen. This move is doomed for multiple reasons. First, and as I've said before and repeatedly, you do not move forwards by passing the baton backwards. Second, this move had always been done with Green Arrow and Green Lantern. The Flash leads. He does not follow. If the will and consensus of the tides that are the ocean of humanity's pop culture imagination had decreed that it was time to dig out all these Silver Age characters and have them drive the stories then Barry Allen would have been the first one back.

This project is doomed. It was from conception. Not every editorial staff can be blessed with being in the right place at the right time and having magic happen under their watch. A guy in New York needs to stop trying to force it.

Look forward.

Barry Allen made me Marty Nozz

Yeah, I know I said I was going to stay away from the FLASH: REBIRTH idiocy, but the part of me that has to look at car accidents as I drive by made me check it out. For those who don't know Barry Allen was the Flash way back when i was a little kid and watching SUPER FRIENDS. In the mid-80s, Barry died saving the universe during the CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS series. Since then his sidekick Kid Flash, AKA Wally West took over. So Wally's been the Flash for over twenty years.

So why bring Barry back now? It's simple, Dan DiDio is the DC editor-in-chief and he wanted Barry back just like he wanted Hal Jordan back. Guess he really liked SUPER FRIENDS back in the day. Yes, it's a stupid reason. Yes, it's a horrible idea. Yes, I'm not the only one who thinks so:

"And Barry... well I love him, but he was a stiff. Did he have any personality at all?"

"Barry Allen was the perfect hero for his time. The 1960s."

Those quotes come from a conversation from when this topic was brought up before. If you don't know who said them, I'll tell ya later.

As for the issue at hand, it's not a total loss. The art is really nice. Ethan Van Sciver isn't afraid to put a ton of detail into his pages, and i really dig that. There is a one little coloring error in there. Not as bad as Mister Miracle's ethnicity change in the middle of FINAL CRISIS, but it made me smirk.

Let's start with the line that gave this post it's title. "Barry Allen made me the Flash." Now, reading this out of context one would think that this line would be given to Wally West. But no. That would make sense. It's given to Jay Garrick who was the first Flash back in World War II. In continuity, this was the guy who Barry idolized. Following that line is a bunch of poppycock about how Barry inspired Jay to come out of retirement, and that led to the Justice Society returning and so forth.

Here's what gets me: Barry Allen is the Saint of the DC Universe. He's the guy who sacrificed himself for everyone. That claptrap that Geoff Johns wrote trying make Barry Allen feel important is rubbish and a waste of time. He's a very important character because of the sacrifice he made. That sacrifice is pretty much null and void now.

On to another really stupid line: "The bow ties weren't my fault." This seems really trivial but it's really not. Barry Allen was not cool. He wore the bow ties because they went well with his pocket protector. He always wore those bow ties, and he didn't apologize for them. However, he did tell that line to Hal Jordan, the poster boy for 'it's not my fault'. Perhaps Barry was possessed by the cosmic entity Geekallax who caused Barry to wear those bow ties.

As for appearances, whatever plastic surgeon Iris Allen went to, he's absolutely fabulous. It had to Doctor Midnight, because only a super-hero surgeon could make a woman approximately fifty years old look like that. Kind of spoils the illusion of Iris supposedly being in her late 20s when her GRANDSON appears in the very same issue. When Iris returned from the future with her grandson Bart she was in her forties. That was being really generous too. Time has passed since then. Now it's getting wound backwards. I get that Barry's body is physically the same age as when he died and now he's supposed to be about the same age as Wally. Does this make Iris a cougar?

On to the continuity clusterfuck, which really surprised me because Johns made his rep by plugging continuity holes. Seems according to this issue Barry's father was arrested for murdering his mother. Never mind the fact that both his parents were alive and well and helped to comfort Barry after Iris's supposed death. This is a recurring theme in John's work. The hero must have some sort of tragedy befall them, and it's often revolving around family especially fathers. Hal Jordan watched his father die in a plane crash. Jonathon Kent got killed off last year. Now this. I know a few people would considered John's creation Zoom to be a Mary Sue (note: a Mary Sue is a character that represents the author). Zoom believed that a hero had to go through tragedy to become a better hero. Guess the Mary Sue theory just got more evidence.

As I was reading the issue I just kept thinking to myself 'who is this guy?' They kept insisting he was Barry Allen, but frankly it sure didn't seem like him. He was impatient. He couldn't get away from Hal fast enough to go do whatever he was going to do. He spent zero time with Iris in the issue. I mentioned his makeover before. Frankly I thought I was reading "The Return of Barry Allen" all over again and was waiting for the reveal that it was really Eobard Thawne masquerading as Barry again. That would actually make more sense with how he's acting.

Caught on to who I quoted before? It was a conversation between Mark Waid and his editor Brian Augustyn that spurred from Waid's frustration about people asking him 'when's Barry coming back'. They both knew then that it would be a bad idea, and the "Return of Barry Allen" was a healthy does of be careful what you wish for directed at the drooling fan boys of the time who expected death to not last forever. It seems from what I've heard from critics and readers alike that this is another does. Honestly, I know very few people who wanted this to happen. A lot of them are disappointed with this issue too.

The only bright spot in the writing was the handling of Bart Allen. I'm glad the character is back as Kid Flash. I can understand Bart being upset about Barry's return. He still misses his mentor, Max Mercury, and with Barry could return, then why couldn't Max?

So, where's this thing going to go? Pretty easy to answer. Barry is going to investigate why the Speed Force is acting for weird and think he's at fault for it. It'll turn out to be the killer shown at the beginning of the issue who as it turns out framed Barry's father for the murder of his mother. This will be followed by Barry racing Superman to figure out who is faster even though Superman is supposed to be away for a year and the fact that this notion has been done to death and then some. I have no basis really for any of that, but let's see how accurate I am.

Welcome back Barry. Now go away.