Idiot Box Zombies

Eat Blue Shell of Death! Its Wednesday, April 20, 2011, the Wii has taken over the house again, and this is The Side. I've always enjoyed video games. I've got my PS2 which still gets plenty of play time. The newest system I have in the house is a Nintendo Wii. I actually caught a bit of grief over this as friends who do game told me I should get a PS3 or an X-Box. Personally, I wanted something a bit more kid friendly, and I've got no regrets. The system is fun.

But as with all things, it got a lot of action, and that tapered off. We don't buy a lot of games. Its still a lot of fun. However, since getting that thing assessed to the internet over the weekend its gotten more action than ever.

FEAR HER WRATH!!

We don't have many TV channels due to lack of cable. This doesn't bother us nearly as much nowadays because we have Netflix, a Wii, and a wireless router. But we still love TV and we have our guilty pleasures when it comes to TV. So when it was announced that ABC would be canceling ALL MY CHILDREN and ONE LIFE TO LIVE it was not a pleasant moment in the Nozz Compound.

"THEY CAN'T DO THAT!!"

"Well, Honey, they're doing it."

The Missus sat down to look over the article I pulled up online concerning the impending cancellation. I was fully expecting her to launch into Dragon Rage and something to lose 40 life points.

"Is there anything on ABC that we like?" She demanded to know. It seemed like if I was going to stop listening to 96X due to them changing formats and axing my favorite radio show, she could certainly boycott a TV station. There's not much we do watch on that station. The reality TV shows are pretty lame. WIPEOUT is fun but we can deal without it. The kids like AMERICA'S FUNNIEST VIDEOS but that's also something we can work around.

"CASTLE."

"Dammit." She was defeated by the power of Nathan Fillion. The boycott has been narrowly avoided thanks to one ruggedly handsome Canadian.

A POX ON THEM!!

I learned a little something this week as well with the Wii now being internet assessable: Japanese people cheat. Not all of them mind you, but something is definitely fishy. I have MARIO KART, and I'm pretty good at it. I think its safe to say that if you play against me in MARIO KART then I'll be able to give a normal person a run for their money.

Japanese gamers don't seem to be normal people. I'm racing on tracks that I've raced on dozens of times before. I have these tracks down to the point that even if I am half asleep I can come in first place. Now, I understand that another gamer is going to have a lot more to offer in terms of strategy and drive as opposed to the game's pre-programed opponents, but when some Japanese person nearly laps me and I'm running the course really well I have to question things.

I think there's a cheat code in there somewhere that's only passed out to Japanese gamers. There's some kanji floating around the internet that translates into "PWN GAIJIN N00BS" that once clicked instructs players as to how to make their little Mushroom Kingdom racers go twice as fast as anything else on the track.

And the worst part is: I don't speak Japanese so I can't even yell at the TV properly. If I'm playing against Diego from Spain and I'm gaining on him, and he suddenly dumps a banana peel right in my grill, I can at least yell, "Dammit Diego! I'm gonna have yer ass!" with as much Christian love as I can possibly muster. But getting lapped by a Japanese person and only seeing a bunch of kanji over his little racer takes some of of the fun out. I like to personalize the insults and venom I hurl at a the TV. I can't insult this person if I don't know his name! I thought mark Zuckerberg said that we should know everything about each other!

Therefore, I proposed that Japan stop speaking Japanese and formally adopt English as its official language so I can insult gamers from half a world away, even though they can't hear any of it, from the privacy of my own home.

MUSIC!!!

Seems every posting of the official video has had the sound removed, so here's four guys singing and not moving.



That's a wrap for today. I'm going to try to avoid using the Wii today so i can actually draw something. See y'all Friday.

Batman and Nathan Fillion pwn Charlie Sheen

It is the Tango of DEATH! Its Friday, March 11, 2011, I still can't dance, and this is The Side. I've been talking a bit about the Wisconsin protesters. The bill they were protesting limiting the collective bargaining rights of public sector unions got passed despite a lot of idiocy. There was a major brouhaha and a lot of morons were pissed. Michael Moore called for students to do a walk out, which of course would mean even less work for the teachers would actually cared enough about their jobs and students to keep doing their jobs.

So what will this all mean?

These teachers and other union workers will continue getting the same pay they were getting before. They'll still have their pensions. They'll still have their benefits. That is if they still have jobs, because I know I wouldn't if I fucked off for a couple weeks. But they are still union workers, so they probably can't be fired.

They all yelled as they protested "This is what Democracy looks like!" Once they stormed the capitol building in Madison. Makes me glad we're a Representative Republic. Anyone care to imagine what the news coverage would be like if it were the Tea Party pulling this nonsense?

Ah well, on to happier things.

FILLION IS BETTER THAN SHEEN: THE TOP 10!!!

Sure, Charlie Sheen is winning, but there's someone who is winning even more and without even trying. That is of course the greatest living dude and one ruggedly handsome sum'bitch: Nathan Fillion! Why is he winning more than the tiger blood fueled stud of studs? Glad ya asked!

10: My kids' top three favorite superheroes? Ironman, Batman, and Captain Hammer.

9: Nobody is trying to help Charlie Sheen buy the rights for his old TV show.

8: When the police approach Nathan Fillion its either to get his autograph, or ask him to help fight crime.

7: While Charlie Sheen is praying for the possibility of a MAJOR LEAGUE sequel, everyone else is praying for a SERENITY sequel.

6: Charlie Sheen may have a million more Twitter followers than Nathan Fillion, but none of Nathan Fillion's followers are just there waiting for him to self destruct.

5: Charlie Sheen's co-star: Jon Cryer. Nathan Fillion's co-star: Stana Katic. No contest. Sorry Jon.

4: When a girl fantasizes about Nathan Fillion when in bed with her fella that's perfectly acceptable. When a girl fantasizes about Charlie Sheen while in bed with her fella he may catch something he can't wash off.

3: The last time anyone called Charlie Sheen "Captain" he had to pay her for it, and he probably didn't remember the next morning.

2: Charlie Sheen may have Adonis DNA, but Adonis has Nathan Fillion DNA.

And the top reason why Nathan Fillion is more winning than Charlie Sheen...

1: CBS just signed Nathan Fillion to star in their new show "2 3/4 Dudes". The three quarters is Nathan Fillion's penis.

COMICS!!

If you didn't think I was going to start off with BATMAN INCORPORATED #3 this week, you're obviously new here, so welcome aboard. Grant Morrison and Yanick Paquette take the action to Argentina this time for a team-up with El Gaucho. Bruce is hoping to get his old friend to join his worldwide organization, and teams up with him on a case. What really knocks my socks off is that in the last storyline we had a distinctive Japanese feel to things as Batman and Catwoman went to Japan. This time around we have the same creative team giving us a story with all the fiery heat I would expect in a "Scorpion Tango". We see a lot of parallels between Batman and El Gaucho and get just a glimpse of El Gaucho's life, and its enough to make me want to see a series about him. The highlight was Bruce's tango with Tristessa. Gorgeously drawn. I'm digging this grown up Bruce Wayne. He's not the preptime bad ass of fanboydom. This guy is a freakin' stud.

The batiness doesn't stop there. BATMAN AND ROBIN #21 continue Dick and Damian's case with a weird religious themed murderer. The White Knight is revealed and this new addition to the Batman rogues gallery is just creepy. He's methodical in picking his targets as well as in how he leaves his victims. This is a great storyline, which I expected of Tomasi. He's got the character chemistry down and has given us a case that we can sink our teeth into. Top notch stuff.

Was that all the Bat-stuff this week? Not a chance! BATGIRL #19 pits Steph against new foe, Slipstream. This story is actually a follow up to the events of the "Death of Oracle" storyline and ties in nicely to the Batman Incorporated brand. There's a bit of a new status quo emerging, with Steph getting online backup more from Proxy. Firewall also gets a major upgrade. This is a solid little story with Steph not only trying to track down and take down the new high speed thief, but also dealing with her fanboy Clance, AKA the new Grey Ghost. I really don't like Clancy, but that's on me as the old "Grey Ghost" episode of BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES is one of my favorite episodes. Its nice to see the Grey Ghost in the DCU, but I'm a little ticked he's such a goof. Still, its another great issue from this really fun series.

Oh hey, about that whole "Death of Oracle" thingie, BIRDS OF PREY #10 wraps up that storyline. Gail Simone knocks it straight out of the park. I just wish that the series would get a solid artist. Since the departure of the overly exploitative Ed Benes, the art has been serviceable, but not terribly exciting. Fortunately Simone keeps our attention with some of the best writing in comics. This issue sets up the new status quo that I mentioned in Batgirl with the Birds taking on the Calculator and his hired thugs after the seeming death of Barbara Gordon. This story is a nice little reminder that these ladies aren't to be trifled with, ever. Black Canary and Huntress are utter forces of nature.

Rounding out my reads this week is ZATANNA #10 which isn't a bat-book, but is written by Paul Dini, so it still sorta counts right? This book is a bit of a sleeper. The Missus loves this title. We've seen Zatanna for years playing off the Justice League and aiding other heroes when magic cases pop up. This series gives us a better idea of Zee's heritage and the baggage that comes with it. This issue is very creepy in often a very subtle way. Is the man transformed into a puppet by Zatara really innocent? Zee takes him to her family's ancestrial home to find the answers. Its a big mistake, but one that is gorgeously illustrated by Chiff Chiang.

MUSIC!!

What was hilarious was this song hit right after "Learn to Fly" and bunch of people thought the Foo Fighters were just a nice little pop band. Suckers.



That's it for today. Sunday may be a tad light as there's two little girls who are turning four and there's a Tinkerbell themed party that I shall be smack in the middle of. Pray for me.