Ian Holloway > Wendy Williams

I hate Wendy Williams. I click on a video to see a squirrel doing weird squirrelly things and there she is, squawking on inanely in front of people who must have the IQs of brine because they actually give a good goddamn about the asinine shit that tumbles from her big yap. Bad enough she ruined my dinnertime TV viewing habits. Now she's invaded my internet viewing habits. I hate her so hard. I was ready to go to sleep too. I had posted the latest page from the comic that was thrust upon me by a guy so desperate to move copies that I suspect he had stolen it. I bought it with a friend, she had a buck and I had some loose change. We live in different states so I post a page a day so we can share the book and everyone can have a good hard laugh at how terrible it is.

What the hell was I typing about?

WENDY WILLIAMS! That bitch! Anyways, I had scanned stuff, posted stuff, e-mailed stuff, stuffed stuffity stuff stuff stuff, and just wanted to watch a video with a squirrel in it to calm my nerves. I set aside the fact that a squirrel had brought my webcomics to a screeching halt. I mean, it's not like I was going to watch video of that squirrel. That would just be weird. So I click and I wait, because my internet sucks, but I don't care anymore since I'm now convinced that "high speed internet" is all a hoax. And the video comes up, and there's my squirrel. Looking cute and doing squirrel things. Next thing I know there's Wendy Williams talking about Barack Obama because I guess no one had talked about him in the last two minutes and the quota wasn't filling up properly and there's some guy in the crowd with a buzzer trying to shut her up and she's asking pissed about it. I think if the guy really wanted to shut her up he should have used a tazer.

So now I'm all wound up and torqued off and hating squirrels and really hating Wendy Williams.

Fortunately my mad seething fury somehow guided me over to White Chapel where I came upon this:

I am now at peace.

I've been punished

I have not been diligent in my worship of television. And now due to my lapse TV has sent Wendy Williams to punish me. TV has warned of this for weeks. It kept showing her in obnoxiously bad promo spots and telling me she was coming. It's all my fault. I didn't pay attention.

Now the bitch has taken TMZ and Scrubs away from me.

I have not the first clue about anything related to Wendy Williams, aside from she makes really horrible promo spots and has a talk show. Still I wish her show to get the lowest ratings possible and it to be sent to the abyss of cable access never to be seen on my television ever again.

Now I'm stuck watching Everybody Loves Raymond during my dinner hour. I don't love Raymond. Nothing against Raymond, but the show title is false advertising.

I only have a handful of channels. Yes, I'm one of those people who does not have cable nor satellite television and has one of those little converter boxes on top of his TV. Now, it's bad enough I'm stuck with sucky digital television, but we're all in the same boat there. Still I have only a handful of stations. This isn't a problem because there's only a few shows I care about. The times don't really matter except for breakfast and dinner times, because I want something enjoyable on right them. Breakfast time is no problem because I get to watch The Daily Buzz, laugh with Mitch and Andy and drool over Holly. Good times. Unfortunately now with the invasion of Wendy Williams I'm left with absolutely nothing enjoyable on at dinner time.

So I am making a burnt offering to television on a pyre of old VHS tapes of Pokémon. Hopefully television will accept my offering and return TMZ and Scrubs to me, and banish Wendy Williams back to wherever the hell she came from. I could probably Google her and figure out what she's doing on my TV, but that would involve effort and me actually caring about Wendy Williams.