CMMA Punk

Going up, I was big fan of professional wrestling.  I don't really watch it anymore.  I stopped being interested in WWE long ago when the storylines were being pushed too far for my liking and I wasn't seeing enough action.  One guy that I've heard about a lot is Phil Brooks AKA CM Punk.  I saw a match or two of his.  He's a very talented performer.  

Recently he parted ways with the WWE.  To many people's surprise he's been signed to the UFC.  Keep in mind he's never been in a MMA match.  He's 36 years old which is a bit old to be entering this.  The UFC is the biggest promotion in MMA.  There's a lot of people balking at this.

I'm not one of them.

Dana White was asked why he signed Brooks, and he answered.  It boils down to this is a dream of Brooks who is a legit martial artist and he doesn't have enough time on the clock to work his way up through the amateurs.  Brooks gets to live his dream and get paid.  The UFC gets a ratings boost and Brooks' fanbase will be checking out his fights, so there's the potential to gain new fans.  Brooks brings more to the table than fighting ability, and these are things that are well established.  If he does well in the Octagon then that's even better.

This is a win all the way around for all involved.  Is it fair that Brooks gets in when there's other fighters who have been working their butts off to get noticed?  No, its not.  Still, White and the UFC doing something like this generate interest and revenue which keeps the organization going, and keeps them around so there's a platform for these fights to work towards.

I'm looking forward to watching Brooks fight, and wish him well.  Its going to be a tough road for him as his likely weight classes are packed with great fighters.  The last pro-wrestler to enter UFC was Brock Lesnar who did indeed win the championship, but the heavyweight division was a little light when he did it.  We'll see what happens.

Insignificant strikes

There's been a whole lot written about last Saturday's UFC welterweight championship match in which Georges St. Pierre "defended" his title against Johny Hendricks.  First, I want to make it completely clear that I am a GSP fan.  We're both karate guys.  He's always come off as a classy fellow and a great champion.  There's a serious problem with last Saturday's fight.  I watched it, and I had this fight scored 49-46 for Hendricks.  GSP looked like he'd been through a meat grinder by the end of the match.  Hendricks looked like he'd maybe gone for a jog.  This had been the foughest fight the champ had been in for a quite a while.  Yet, the judges gave GSP the win in a split decision.

There's some serious problems going on here.  This is the second title fight I've seen recently with some really questionable judges decisions.  Last fight was Jon Jones' defense again Alexander Gusstafson.  That fight was incredibly close and two judges giving it to Jones 48-47.  The last judge gave it to Jones 49-46, which was complerely nuts and spawned jokes that the judge in question was paid off by either Gatoraide or Nike (who both sponsor Jones).

That match raised a few eyebrows, but it was understandable that Jones had done enought to keep the belt.  The GSP/Hendricks fight is a completely different story.  This raises a lot of troubling questions, mainly, was this rigged?

The problem here was not GSP.  He fought with everything he had, and doesn't control the judges.  He seemed surprised as well with the decision.

The problem is not with the UFC and Dana White, because they do not get to pick the judges.  MMA walks a fine line.  They have to stay sanctioned with the athletic commisions of various states so they can keep holding events in them.  They don't dare rig or work a fight because White knows full well that's one of things that screwed boxing.  Yes, things are set up to make a bit of drama, but once those two fighter get in that cage there is no script.  If people get the very notion that this is rigged then the whole franchise is doomed.

The problem lies squarely with the judges, and the UFC has no control over them.  They don't get to pick them.  White doesn't seem to trust many of them, especially in Nevada where the fight took place.  I've seen some of these score card and have watched the fights they go with.  One of the things that fighters are scored on is "significant strikes".  I've been in martial arts since I was kid.  I've put on the gloves.  I've gotten concussions and cracked ribs.  I know what a significant strike is.  A significant strike does something.  It causes damage and/or knocks the other person back a bit.  Judges are declaring strikes significant that fighters are moving away from avoiding the brunt of the blow and sometimes the strike is completely blocked.  As mean as it sounds, many of these judges really need to get punched in the face just so they know what a significant strike is.

Dana White has said he's really hesitant about holding any more matches in Vegas after this.  That should be enough for the Nevada athletic commission to get the hint and look into this, but I doubt they will.  The only thing governments like better than money and power is red tape.  Fortunately, there's many other states that sanction UFC events.  Love to have them come to Norfolk.  That's the smartest move right now for the UFC.  The judges in that state are bad, so stay out of that state.

Other sports have their own referees and judges.  What would be best is if the UFC could get a bunch of judges that they know are going to be solid and get them sanctioned in the states they're holding fights.  I don't know how difficult that is going to be though.

There's been so much drama and speculation around this fight, and much of that is around the decision.  There's the "Hendricks tapped" dopes who must be really new to the sport to think Hendricks tapped in the first round.  There's rumors that UFC wanted GSP to remain champ because he's more marketable and will be in the upcoming CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER movie.  There's GSP's remarks about him needing some time away from the sport.  Its a whole big mess.

One thing is completely clear though: the scoring system in MMA needs to get a good hard look and things need to change.  Johny Hendricks got completely screwed over, and that shouldn't happen in any title fight.

Buffy Enters The Octagon?

Hey gang! Its Sunday, November 13, 2011, I've got a ton of chores to do, and this is The Side. That's right kids, chores don't end when you grow up. They just get more in depth. Mowing the yard and cleaning your room, pail before fix the plumbing, sand down the floor, and fix the oven.

Oy vey.

Last post had a bit of traction and a lot of page views. Had a really great response over at Comic Kings. Maybe it was due to having picture of women all over the post. Well, I'm equal opportunity for my fans, so I've got a dude picture for ya, ladies!

BEATIN'S!

The UFC made its network debut on Fox last night. Unfortunately they only showed on fight. I say unfortunately because Benson Henderson and Clay Guida also fought that night and put out three rounds that earned both fighters a standing ovation. However, Fox said they only wanted to air one fight, so Dana White delivered what they wanted. The heavyweight championship bout between two undefeated fighters. The result: Junior Dos Santos defeated Cain Velasquez and is the new champ.

There was a lot of build up on the one hour show, which is completely understandable. This is the first showing of the UFC on network TV. Yes, there have been other MMA promotions on network, but the UFC is the biggest MMA promotion out there. If you have someone who hasn't checked it out before and this was their first time they needed to know who these guys are and what exactly is going to be going down here. I think the broadcast did an excellent job of that.

For those of us that do follow MMA, these guys are no strangers. These are the two toughest heavyweights around. My buddies and I couldn't even make a prediction on this one. This is also extremely gutsy of Dana White, the UFC president. Both of these fighters are capable of ending a fight in 30 seconds. What if it turned into the Mike Tyson thing and everyone gets all eager for a big fight and its over in the blink of an eye?

The fight itself was a quick one, but it did last longer than 30 seconds. There was some feeling out going on with some hard striking. Dos Santos snapped a front kick into Velasquez, who countered with an immediate takedown attempt. Dos Santos expertly slipped out of the takedown attempt. Soon after Dos Santos threw a bomb right hand catching Velasquez right behind the ear and sending him to the floor. Dos Santos capitalized with some ground and pound and referee John McCarthy smartly stepped in when one of the blows made Velasquez's arms go limp. It was a brief fight, but a really great one.

Congratulation to Junior Dos Santos.

COMIX!

Only had one book this week, and fortunately it was a good one. BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: SEASON 9 #3 does what I like to see with a good Buffy story. Set things in motion, give you a good idea of where things are going, and then turn everything over in a very intelligent manner. There's a key move when doing this. If you add one piece of information that alters the context of everything you've read up until that point and it doesn't make everything before it pointless, then you've got a good turn around. We've been moving in a fun direction so far. There's vampires popping up that are more feral and stronger than usual. Bodies are being found all over the city. Something is after Buffy. Got it. Things got more interesting when Buffy meets a guy with the power to touch vampires are turn them back into humans. Of course, these humans died to become vampires, so they're dead. Still is pretty big news since the world has been cut off from magic. We get a bunch of answers as to what's been going on. The great thing is that these answers lead us to new interesting questions. I'm really liking this story, and combine that with great understanding and use of the characters are this book is a real winner.

MUSIC!

Wait! You mean this song isn't really by Dingoes Ate My Baby!



I guess i better get on those chores I mentioned. See y'all Wednesday!

Vulcan Doomsday!!

Hey there, sports fans. Its Sunday, May 29, 2011, I'm needing more coffee, and this is The Side. Typically, this is when I'd start talking UFC as there was card last night. Unfortunately, I didn't get my kitchen pass, so I wasn't able to go watch it. More unfortunate was how the card shaped up in light of the number of injuries going around.

The scheduled main event was Frankie Edgar in his rematch title defense against Gray Maynard. Their last fight was a war that went to a draw. Unfortunately, Edgar has a couple of bulging disks in his back and can't fight right now. He's probably going to need surgery and I wish him well. This put the Jackson-Hammill fight in the main event, and Jackson had a broken hand going into it, so he wasn't able to throw his big bomb punches. Didn't make for an exciting card.

Injuries happen. It seems sometimes that I'm always injured, either with something new, or an old injury flaring up. When you're not training competitively, you can train around it. However, if you try to do that when you're looking to keep your championship you're either going to lose that championship, get hurt worse, or most likely both. I respect the heart of a fighter who wants to step in the ring even though they aren't 100%, but I'd rather these guys take care of themselves and be healthy. That's how sports like MMA keep going strong.

COMIX!!

My books didn't get in until Friday, which would make posting my reviews Friday morning rather difficult. So, here we go.


A massive object is heading for Earth at near lightspeed that'll wipe out all life on the planet upon impact. Inside it are a bunch of homicidal Doomsday clones. This looks like a job for Superman. ACTION COMICS #901 gave me what I've been waiting for: Superman and his allies up against incredible odds with world at stake. Its a cat-and-mouse game as the heroes race to figure out how they can possibly stop a bunch of Doomsdays, and it gets worse when they learn that giant space station thingamahoozits they're on is heading straight for Earth and not in a good way. Forget the whole Superman walking around and being a douche. Paul Cornell serves up tight action with Superman in what feels like a space horror story. Kenneth Rocafort and Jesus Merino are definitely up to the task of bringing the tension and action to the page. It was weird to see an Obama analog for the President in the issue. I do like that DC had a history of having a fictitious government type folk. That was one of my gripes about the JMS stuff. I don't read comics for diatribes about "real world" stuff. I want escapism and a good story. That's what I got here. Kind of funny that there was that flap over the idiotic Superman story in the last issue about Superman renouncing his United States citizenship and in this issue we get "Superman, your country needs you now!" Love it!

Also this week DETECTIVE COMICS #877 continues "Hungry City". Scott Snyder and Jock continue to deliver with this book. Dick Grayson is trying to help a business owner who is being pressured by criminals to launder money. That businesswoman also happens to be the daughter of the thug who murdered his parents. Oh, and there was that whole whale inside of a building thingie to figure out. Snyder really has Dick Grayson-Batman figured out. He plays the Dark Knight role very well when battling thugs and tracking down leads, but he's still the Grayson we know and love when Tim is giving him grief. The story itself is revealing slowly. We're fully on-board with Dick as he tracks down leads and presses for information. We don't see what's coming, and this is so important for detective fiction. We're having to put the pieces together right along with Batman, and it keeps us engaged. This isn't so much a "Sherlock Holmes" Batman in which he's five steps ahead of everyone in the story as well as the audience, with the reveal of how he figured everything out later. This is the audience righting shotgun on a mystery, and I'm loving the ride.

One last thing. There's a lot of rumors going around about a big announcement that's going to be coming out from DC. A lot of it seems to be that they're going to re-set all their comics back to #1 to try to get more readers. That's just rumors at this point, but let's remember that we just had three big centennial issues, with the fans voting to have WONDER WOMAN renumbered so that she could get the centennial issue she deserved. DETECTIVE COMICS is about a year out from hitting #900. Not saying that's ruling out a re-set stunt, but doing so would be aggressively stupid.

MUSIC!!

Because when you're Mister Spock everyone else and sod off.



That's it for me today. If you see someone who served our country, tell 'em "thanks". We'll see y'all Wednesday.

Pound for Pound Champ!!

BONZAI!! Its Sunday, May 1, 2011, I'm sore and tired in a good way, and this is The Side. We had a workout at Sandbridge beach yesterday with folks from three different dojo's coming out to have fun and participate. I test three of my students out there. Two kids going for brown belt. One's kinda goofy and like to play around a bit. The other is kinda reserved and a pretty nice kid. Another student is just entering the horrendous years of being a teenager and is a funny guy. All three of them fought out there on the sand like a bunch of absolute studs. I couldn't be any prouder of them.

The workout was good. Lunch at Red Robin afterward was great. Then came last night. That's right. Its was FIGHT NIGHT!!

BEATIN'S!!!

UFC 129 was last night. Very stacked card. There were two title fights both with game challengers, but both defending champions, Georges St. Pierre and Jose Aldo, retained their titles. There was a third match of interest. UFC Hall of Famer Randy Couture was fighting former light heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida. Couture is a hero to the sport and bases his fighting style off of Greco-Roman Wrestling. Machida is a very humble and respectable man who uses his family's style of Shotokan Karate as his base style. I'm a life long Karate man, but still I had to root for Randy.

There was trouble on the horizon because while Machida was heading to the ring we spotted Steven Seagal with him. I even yelled to my cousin, "Scott! Randy's doomed! Machida's got Steven Seagal with him! There's no hope now!" Yes, this is the same man who started in OUT FOR JUSTICE, ABOVE THE LAW, and UNDER SIEGE. The same guy who recently was featured as a deputy in a reality TV show. The Aikido stylist very noted for his pony tail. That guy.

But he's been to these evens before. He was in the corner of Anderson Silva when he fought the very dangerous Vitor Blfort. Silva stopped Belfort in round one was a front kick right to the face that knocked the challenger out. Silva credited Seagal with helping him work on stuff like that kick. This had us fight fans all scratching out heads asking ourselves, "Really?"

But there we were last night, watching Machida be very elusive and striking while Couture was looking to get a hold of his opponent. It was still anybody's fight when out of freaking nowhere Machida hits Couture with the Crane Technique and knocked him right out! Yes, that Crane Technique! Right out of THE KARATE KID "If done right, no can defend" Crane Technique! Hands went out to the side for a split second, and Machida went airborne and delivered a kick right to Randy's face.

OSCAR MIKE GOLF! WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!!

And in the post fight interview, Machida was incredibly gracious to Couture referring to him as a "hero". Very classy as always. Then he credits Seagal for helping him work on that kick.

What the hell is going on here? Is Jean-Claude Van Damme going to come out with Frankie Edgar next month having taught him special techniques to let him finally defeat his nemesis, Gray Maynard? I know Seagal is a legitimate Aikido stylist and instructor but I'm stunned when I'm seeing him getting the credit for adding dynamic and devastating new elements to fighters game plans.

My world is rocked.

EATIN'S!!

I have a new eating disorder: Adult Selective Eating. Due to this horrible affliction I can only eat cheeseburgers and pizza forever and ever. That's right. Being a picky eater is now an eating disorder. I've seen quite a few kids with this. You've seen them. The ones that will only eat chicken nuggets and french fries even under the threat of no Nintendo. It seems like some people haven't grown out of that.

I'm a picky eater. I know what I like and what I don't. I don't like a lot of vegetables. Its the texture. Those things just feel weird in my mouth. I also don't eat seafood, be cause its freakin' seafood. I ain't eatin' anything that came out of the ocean. Screw that.

Yeah, I've got my dietary hang-ups. Fortunately I'm active and love things like fruit that're pretty healthy. However, I've been known to overcome my picky eating when push comes to shove. If I'm in serious need of calories and I don't have many options, like at training camps and the like, I go into survival mode and the foods that I do like become a luxury and I eat because I have to. According to the studies some people can't overcome it. If there's nothing on their "personal menu" they won't eat.

I get that some people have a serious problem with this. I'm not one of them. What I really don't want to see is people eating like morons and blaming it on this eating disorder. Kinda like how some people act like complete asshats and say they have Aspergers.

"I can't help but eat nothing but cheesecake! I am Adult Selective Eating Disorder!"

Yeesh. Hopefully, things won't come to that. I always raise an eyebrow whenever there's some new disorder. Its like we can't rest until everyone has something wrong with them.

And then no one will be normal like me.

MUSIC!!!

Hate to say it, but Randy should have swept the leg.



That's it for me today. Got some more training to do. See y'all Wednesday.

Jonesing for Wonder Woman

Rats! Its Sunday, March 20, 2011, I'm mildly disappointed with myself, and this is The Side. The karate tournament went well yesterday. All of my students competing placed in their divisions. First place trophies eluded us, but that's not a big deal because I'm proud of all my students because they did well. For many of them it was their first open competition and they did well again tough competitors as well as being out in front of a large audience for the first time.

I'm slightly disappointed with myself for flubbing my forms a bit. Sure I placed in both my divisions, but my rust was showing. I haven't competed in two years and that was evident. So I'll be working that much harder for the next tournament.

It was also a little disheartening to see the turn out for the event. I remember how packed this tournament used to be when I was a kid. Not as many competitors this time. I know a part of it is money. This tournament costs $40 to enter, which is very reasonable for a tournament of this size and quality. Some people just can't afford to pay that and pay for gas to drive to this event. Still, it was a good event, and hopefully will grow again in the future.

BEATIN'S!!!

So what do you do to warm up before the biggest fight of your MMA career and you very first title shot? You stop a thief. Its great for your cardio.



Jon "Bones" Jones is the type of fighter that perfect for the sport. He's recognizable, personable, respectful, entertaining, and most importantly he fights like a beast. Boasting the longest reach in the UFC at 84.5 inches he's incredibly lanky compared to many of the other fighters in the light-heavyweight division. This weight class is the UFC's thickest stacked with many of the sport's biggest names all vying for the title. Jones is 23 and has only been training in MMA for three years since transitioning into the sport from wrestling. So when he was offered a title shot when his training buddy, Rashad Evans, got injured there were doubts that he'd be up to the task.

Taking a fight against Shogun Rua is always a risky proposition. Shogun is one of the most feared strikers in the world with a long and impressive resumé. As much as I like Jones, I had a lot of doubts. Sure the kid hasn't been beaten, but if anyone was going to put an end to that streak it would be Shogun.

Shows what I know.

It was a very one sided affair with Jones using his incredible reach with his arms and legs to keep the very dangerous Rua at bay and when Rua did get too close Jones used his grappling to take him down and punish him is elbows. Jones sealed the deal in round three using strikes to the liver to crumpled Rua. Rua was tapping out as the referee was stopping the bout.

Bones Jones. Crime fighter by day and by night the youngest ever UFC champion. Kudos to this great young fighter.

WHO'S THAT LADY?

Its a pretty tough time to be a Wonder Woman fan. Straczynski's revamp of the character still hasn't gone away even though he sodded off to go do other things. This has left an unpleasant hole in my DC reading. But then I figured I could get my fix with NBC making a Wonder Woman pilot for a possible TV show. Cool, since I loved the old TV show. Everybody did, except for cummunists.

But then more and more details came out about the project. The guy who created ALLY MCBEAL was in charge. Networks were passing on the project. Still its getting pushed. Now we have a picture of the costume, which is based on the Jim Lee redesign, but with thankfully less black. No, that's not an image of someone cos-playing from a conventions, that's what Wonder Woman is supposed to look like now. Now don't get me wrong, the actress is a very attractive woman, and would probably be a great Wonder Woman, if she was actually allowed to play Wonder Woman.

The fact that a lot of networks said no thanks to this actually give me some hope. Even TV network executives have a notion of what Wonder Woman is, and they aren't seeing it. Hopefully this'll mean getting away from the JMS reboot soon and getting back to having Wonder Woman the way she should be. Honestly, from the details I've been hearing about the script this sounds worse than the 1974 TV attempt.

What does that failed effort and this current future failed effort have in common? The '74 TV version was based off the "I Ching" version of Wonder Woman in which she had no, powers, no real costume, and feminists quite upset. This current version is based on the JMS reboot in which we have a HaRdCoRe Wonder Woman who isn't really anything like he real character.

Yes, things do need to be altered a bit in adaptations, but basing entire projects on unpopular derivations or iconic characters is just flat out doomed. Ah well, I've still got my WONDER WOMAN animated feature DVD. I'm all set.

MUSIC!!!

I'm directing my feetza to Daddy Green's Pizza.



That'll do it for me this time around. I'm going to go make some coffee, and be thankful that Dana White will be starting the UFCs an hour earlier from now on.

Brock Lesnar versus Zangief?!?

Its Wednesday, March 16, 2011, my joystick is doing a 360 while I mash the punch button, and this is The Side. So much is going on in the world right now. Libya is in a civil war. Japan is in deep trouble and working hard to recover, and that's going to take years. Our financial woes here and going to get worse with energy prices rising because out Pop Star-in-Chief won't lift his idiotic oil drilling moratoriums and think windmills are the way to go.

Makes somebody want to hit something. Or write about people hitting things.

MOVIN' AND SHAKIN'!!!

Big news for MMA fans like me. Zuffa who owns the UFC has bought Strikeforce. This brings some really great talent into the UFC roster and makes some dream matches possible. A lot of people have been wanting to see Fedor for Lesnar, and know that's possible. There's also the possibility of of Women's MMA matches in the UFC.

But there's some people crying foul. The UFC and Strikeforce were the two top MMA promotions. Some are saying that in buying Strikeforce Dana White and Zuffa have created a monopoly. It is true that the UFC is the only big show now, but its not a monopoly. There's still plenty of independent promotions around. They don't have the resources that the UFC does, but that's just how it is. Strikeforce was in a bit of money trouble. Their parent company wasn't interested in pursuing maintaining Strikeforce, and Zuffa was in a position to buy. Pretty simple. A lot of people aren't happy because the UFC has bought up a few other companies in the past and some think its their way of getting rid of their competition.

Competition is what MMA is all about. When the UFC bought the Japanese PRIDE promotion the reason was they wanted to expand their roster of fighters. The WEC was faced with some financial issues and the UFC bought them and in the bargain gained fighters in the featherweight and bantamweight divisions thus adding new and exciting fighters and divisions. The UFC is still growing, it has to because not growing and adding new fighters runs the risk of things becoming stagnant. There's a heavy demand for the UFC to do shows in other countries. Now this is a lot easier because the they don't risk spreading their roster too thin and can do more than one show per month. This is the fight game. It takes time for these people to train and recover so they can stay healthy.

Will there be another promotion that'll rise up and become the new "number 2" as Strikeforce was? Sure. It'll take some time, but the sport of MMA is based on guts, and that's not just the fighters. The promoters have them too, and a hunger to succeed. Someone will rise. n the meantime, I'll be checking out the UFC PPV this weekend.

ZANGIEF'D!!!

OK, we all know bullying is bad. Kids pick on other kids for a ton of different reasons and kids are targeted for many different reasons. So, when a kid in high school was the target of bullying for years because he was overweight it wasn't anything new. The thing is when the person who is being bullied outweighs the bully by a good hundred pounds, its pretty obvious that the bully is a complete moron.

I was on Twitter and was surprised to see "Zangief" trending. "How the hell does that happen?" Sure, I love the character from the STREET FIGHTER video games, but it just seemed so random. So i did a little investigating, and it didn't take much before a discovered "The Zangief Kid". I'm not posting the video on here because frankly, I'm not looking to get into hot water with blogger again. Seriously, YouTube was yanking down videos of this as quick as they possibly could.

For those not familiar with the STREET FIGHTER games Zangief was a larger than life Russian grappler with buckets of throws. Essentially if he got close enough to get his hands on you you could probably kiss half of your life bar good-bye.

In the video the bully approaches the overweight teen grabs him by the shirt and punches him in the face. Other students are around and do nothing. It looks like a school, but there's no faculty around. The bully tries to punch the kid in the face again and this time the kid blocks the punch. At this point the bully dances around and throws some punches at the kids belly. Well, at this point the kids springs off the wall grabbing at the bully, and despite acting like a tough guy a second ago the little weasel scrambles desperately to get away. The kid grabs the bully, yanks him into the air and slams him to the pavement. The kid them walks away as the now broken bully tries to walk on a, quite possibly, broken leg. As face is a pathetic mask of a whimpering child who had bought a ticket on a ride he could not ride.

The kid in question has been suspended from school of course, because if you are being bullied and/or assaulted in schools you aren't supposed to defend yourself at all. Hey, you may end up in the hospital, but at least you won't get expelled. If any of my students are forced to use anything I've taught them to defend themselves they'll likely get expelled. Doesn't matter if someone is beating them for all their worth, if a kid punches back to try to stop them, he's going to get suspended or expelled. They're supposed to get out of the situation and go get a teacher. If there was a teacher around then the bullies wouldn't be assaulting anyone, now would they.

So, the rules about defending yourself are idiocy imposed by pussies, but they're just trying to keep the children safe, so it should be hugs and pie all around. See, these bullies just need understanding.

No.

They need the Zangief Kid to bounce them off the pavement.

The internet has made this kid a celebrity. I haven't seen a single comment anywhere against this guy. Why? Because everyone knows what the idiots in charge don't: these little bastards have a world of hurt coming and they're past due to get it.

MUSIC!!!

The only Oasis song that doesn't suck.



That's the skinny for today. Please continue to keep Japan in your thoughts, and if you can, donate to help. See y'all Friday.

Fitch Beats up a Cheesehead for Comics!!

Shame! Or possibly sham. Its Sunday, February 27, 2011, I've returned to you, and this is The Side. "Where was Friday's post?" you may ask. More computer trouble, but its been resolved. I thought about posting up some stuff on Saturday, but it would have been more rushed and half-assed than usual, so I figured I'd wait.

Alright, time for a shameless plug. I like video games, but I'm not super up on all the news and details. Lately, I'm playing more older games since they're cheaper to get a hold of and i don't have the latest systems. So if you're looking for some video game news and articles, go check out my buddy Joe. You'll be glad you did.

BEATIN'S!!

The UFC last night proved three things to me: you don't ever want to get punched my Mark Hunt, Michael Bisping is an asshole, and Jon Fitch can't catch a break.

The main event last night was disappointing and not because of the fight. After seeing Michael Bisping blatantly throw a completely illegal technique and then go on to win I was a bit soured. However, then out comes Jon Fitch to some sweet Johnny Cash music. Much has been made of him coming into this fight, mainly due to him adopting a new diet which is pretty much a vegetarian one. He's been a dominant fighter in the welterweight division. And now standing between him and title shot is the former champion BJ Penn.

Fitch might look like he should be in a van with a Great Dane and some other kids out solving mysteries, but he's the real deal. He battled a very tough Penn in a grappling war the first two rounds, and then beat the crap out of him in the third taking the fight to the a decision. The Judges chose poorly and the fight was declared a "majority draw" meaning two of the judge called the fight even on points while the third said Fitch won. Even Penn said that him getting a draw in that fight was an act of the gods and he thought he lost. Fitch was very disappointed but his attitude about it was outstanding.

His stance is that its not his job to decide who gets a title shot. He's there to do his job and that job is to fight. He's said that if he hasn't convinced Dana White, the UFC and fans that he should be the number one contender to the title then he hasn't been doing his job right.

No excuses. No whining. Hard work and dedication. That's what I like to see. Does Fitch deserve a title shot? Absolutely. Will he get one? Probably, since he's not going anywhere, looks better than ever in the ring, and is patient enough to do whatever it takes to achieve his goal.

DIRTY LOW-DOWN SHAME!!

With me being knocked offline for a couple days I spent my mornings before work watching the morning news shows. I got to see some true stupidity. The big news was that blogger who got an interview with the Wisconsin Governor by posing as someone else. Pretty lame stuff considering the Governor said the exact same stuff in a press release a couple hours later. But this was apparently some kind of brilliant ploy against the Governor. What was the monumentally dumb part was they played a portion of the phone interview and the Governor said that since certain state senators are literally in hiding to avoid doing their jobs then he was going to stop the direct deposit of their pay and take the checks and lock them into the desks of the senators, so if those clowns want to get paid they better show up for work.

At this point the dim anchor woman said how horrible it was to even suggest that those state senators be locked to their desks. Not surprised she got confused as she does tend to get confused easily. Fortunately there a guy on the same show who is actually quite brilliant and pointed out her mistake. Unfortunately as he attempted to explain why the Governor is correct and the protesting unions are not the show conveniently ran out of time for that segment. Nice.

But yes, the bill is working its way through limiting the collective bargaining abilities of public unions in Wisconsin. Democrats were chanting "Shame" as it passed. Of course they're pissed. This directly affects them. See, this is about public unions. These unions are made up of people whose wages are paid by money from taxes. The heads of these unions donate money to politicians from union dues. Doesn't really matter what the rank and file union workers want, they don't have much say in the matter. Unions is Wisconsin donate a disproportional amount to Democrats over Republicans. The Democrats are pretty much in the Union's pocket as they know which side their bread is buttered on. So yeah, the Democrats are pissed because they couldn't stop this bill which would decrease the power of public unions. The whole reason this is going through is in an attempt to balance the state's budget. It doesn't cut anyone's pay or take away their pensions. All it does is put a check on the power of unions. The unions don't want it. The Democrats they gave money too couldn't stop it. So they're worried they won't be getting their hefty union donations come election season.

Yeah. That's a damn shame.

Its been such a crazy week with everything in politics. Protests are going on in a bunch of countries against their governments. Libya is completely nuts right now. I have to wonder if our Pop-Star-in-Chief isn't trying to get himself impeached with his declaring law "unconstitutional" and refusing to defend them. He was supposed to be the one with all this understanding of the world, and the world is going apeshit on his watch. Not his fault, mind you. There's nothing he can really do about it. But between that and his old lady giving him grief about her crusade as First Lady to fight obesity, I wouldn't be surprised if he's considering saying "Fuck this! I'm out of here, and going to go get myself a cheeseburger." So, he's doing a bunch of dumb stuff that Presidents can't do and hoping to get tossed.

Its just nuts. Fortunately, good old Virginia is trudging on fairly steadily. The only political uproar here is if our Governor will be on the Republican ticket as Vice President if he gets asked. Amazing how our budget is manageable and this being a right to work state. One hell of a coincidence.

Politics. It really is like a contact sport.

THE LATE MANNY FRESH

Manny Fresh is dead. That's the reports coming in via The Mike and Bob Show. Manny went out doing what he loved but also proved that masturbation and gun play are never a good combination.

But is there more to this story? Manny Fresh had his share of foes. They struck at him through Twitter, but Manny masterfully shut that down. Then came "Cupcake" who also approached Manny via the internet and attempted to lure him to his doom with the promise of weird sex while simultaneously trying to drive a wedge between Manny and the Dudes. Yet, still Manny persevered! But now it seems he has fallen, and while it appears to be accidental, I wouldn't rule out foul play. This could have been staged and Manny's body could have been left in the state that it was to try to shame his memory. However, it was Manny, so there's not much that could be done to shame that memory.

Could this secret cabal that was attempting to destroy Manny Fresh have finally succeeded? Is Peter Criss Mask somewhere out there oddly laughing at Manny's demise? Has Manny really been sent back through time and is being hunted by a metaphorical curse machine? Will be one day return to form Manny Fresh Inc and train Manny Freshes around the world?

Only time will tell.

COMIX!!!

I'm going to start this off on a serious note. This week we lost a really great talent. Dwayne McDuffie passed away due to complications from a surgery. You're probably familiar with is work. He's been a writer in comics for many years. He's done a lot of work with the DC animated properties. I even scripted the Justice League Heroes video game for PS2. McDuffie was a writer that you could trust to deliver. He didn't get the recognition that some of the writing "superstars" get, but when he's mentioned you're not going to hear much of anything bad about his work. And this is good. This is a fellow who will live on through the amazing body of work that he produced in his life. The day that he passed the animated feature ALL-STAR SUPERMAN that he wrote was released. I wasn't planning of purchasing it, but I am now. Not so much as a tribute, but as a fan who now has a greater appreciation to a talent that was taken from us to soon.

On to some actual reviews, and this week's book were really great. Starting the ball rolling with DETECTIVE COMICS #874. Earlier in the Snyder run the book was split with half of it following Dick Grayson and the other half following Jim Gordon. That format got dropped to complete the Grayson story, and now that its wrapped we pick up right where we left off with Jim Gordon and his son. When I was picking up my comic the guys were discussing Luke Cage and how that fella eats a lot. It seems that there's a lot of appearances with Luke Cage eating. So its funny that the first issue I read this week opens with a diner scene. Its brilliant. Its so tense that it palatable. Brilliantly written and the artwork by Francesco Francavilla is incredible. Grayson is indeed here and dealing with the after effects of his battle with The Dealer. Fortunately he has Red Robin to back him up. I always liked reading these two teamed up. It does seem weird that in the field Tim is referred to as "Red Robin". It just doesn't sound right, but that's just how it is now. Great issue front to back.

Moving on to another Red Robin appearance over in TEEN TITANS #92. Georges Jeanty pencils this issue, and i like his work, but I was really amped to get my Nicola Scott fix. After a few deep cleansing breaths I dove in. With everything going on with Calculator the story was mainly about the team preferring to have Tim with them than Damien. I understand it since a lot of the team has a long history with Tim. These are his best friends. It makes sense that he's with them now that his quest to find Bruce has been completed. However, I prefer the team with Damien on it. J.T. Krul really made that dynamic work and I was eager to see how this was going to play out in the long term. Looks like we'll never know. Something that was bugging me was the deal with Kid Eternity. He got snatched like a year ago and it seemed like nobody noticed. Well, they certainly noticed now.

Over in ACTION COMICS #898 Hairless Lex Luthor takes on his old Orange Lantern ally Larfleeze. Paul Cornell and Pete Woods are nearing the end of this story which has just been completely stellar. Just when you start to really pull for Lex Cornell reminds us of what a complete bastard that he is. The end of this issue has a huge reveal about Robo-Lois which had me smacking my forehead and wondering how I couldn't have seen that one coming. We knew she had an agenda separate from Lex's and that she was working for someone else. Now we know who and this has me itching to see the next issue.

ATOMICA #5 turned things from a light-hearted romp to a nasty chain of events. After talking with a counselor about her Amnesia, Rose discovers that Professor Colluns is missing! The hunt for the good Professor leads out plucky heroine straight to one Dr. Astray. Ted Astray is still a nasty opponent and fairly creepy, but the creepiness gets upped with his parting warning "Beware the Metavore!" I don't know what a Metavore is, but I'm damn sure bewaring it. I have to wonder if this has a connection with Atomica's past and if this is the "big bad" that Astray is working for. Hopefully we'll get more answers next issue.

MUSIC!!

I'm a general fan of there domestic policies concerning boggy marshes.



That's the whole nine yards for today. I'm ready to go back to bed or start a coffee IV. Money's on the latter. See y'all Wednesday.

Blind man's blog

It's Sunday, February 6, 2011, I can't see a damn thing, and this is The Side. I hate it when I wake up in the morning reach over to the nightstand and my glasses aren't there. That is where they should be because I place them there every night when I go to bed. So, I'm stumbling around, and squinting like Mister Magoo.

So, where are my glasses, and why aren't they on the nightstand? The answer is simple, really.

You see, despite being poor, white trash I am a powerful and feared individual. When you possess the mountain of importance that I possess you become a target for those you either want your power or those you horrible things to to gain power. I know the Anti-Nozz protests have for the most part been peaceful, but there are a few kooks out there. I wouldn't put it past any of them to break into my house while I was asleep and steal my glasses in an effort to make me more vulnerable. There has been no less than five assassination attempts on me while I sleep, but since I am the illegitimate son of Keith Richards I cannot be killed by conventional weaponry. The Missus is spared from any such attempts as she looks so darned cute when she's asleep.

Now without my glasses I believe my detractors will believe me vulnerable and will soon enough call me out into the street to face them in unarmed combat pitting their fighting skills and martial arts prowess against mine as most of my detractors are ninjas. There was a heavy contingency of pirates in the mob too, but they pissed off after I kicked their drunken asses. Pirates suck. They kept whining about how things would have gone different if we were at sea. Buncha Marys.

Back to the ninjas, those glasses stealing sons of bitches. They're all pissed off because I've said online repeatedly how much ninjas suck and how they can't fight their way out of a wet paper bag. Please note that them stealing my glasses is only reaffirming my statements that they can't fight worth a damn. And if they think for one moment that I won't beat eight shades of shit outta them without my glasses then they're in for a surprise.

You don't see the hippies pulling stupid stuff like this. I'm sure they're busy bitching about corporations, trying to get the government to run everything, and being miserable bastards about everything. They keep right on complaining between joints and only really get nasty around Christmas time since they worships trees and no one ever gets them presents for Arbor Day. This right here is why we can't legalize marijuana, because if we did we could round up potheads and beat them with hoses no more. Nothing puts a spring in your step like beating a pothead with a good rubber hose.

Screw this. I'm going to go find the prick ninja that stole my glasses and thump him proper. Too bad ninjas are such a secretive bunch as the YouTube video of this would be awesome.

MY EYES!!!

Sure enough I've gotten my glasses back. Ninjas, as I always say, are a bunch of sissies. Unfortunately, I got my glasses back just in time to see pictures from the impending Spider-man film.



Great. I get my glasses back just in time to gouge my eyes out.

BEATINGS!!

Big weekend in sports this weekend. I hear there's a football game being played somewhere, but the heck with that. It was fight night last night. It was a little bittersweet for me. Anderson Silva kept his title, which annoys me because I don't really like the guy, however he won it with one of the techniques which I constantly stress the importance of to my students. Its pretty much me feeling validated in what I teach, I just wish his opponent was the one who threw it.

But more fun was watching the co-main event. It was another case of me liking both the fighters so whoever won I was happy. Rich Franklin is a class act and one of the top fighters in the world. Forrest Griffin is a big goof, and lots of fun to watch. We all have a soft spot for ol Forrest. His self deprecating attitude and sheer love for what he does makes him quite a character. He's a former champion, and that's due to another thing I always preach to my students: practice.

Forrest is one of the hardest working guys in mixed martial arts. They've had to kick him out of the gym and take his keys away to make him go home. Franklin also is incredibly dedicated and trains hard. So this made for a great fight that went the distance and both guys giving it their all for three rounds. Forrest won by decision, which was well deserved and hard earned, but what happened after the fight really stand out.

He didn't toot his own horn. He didn't trash talk. He didn't even plug his book (Joe Rogan did it for him). Before his hand was raised he and Franklin were smiling and joking with each other. It was like two guys at the dojo who just got done with a fun sparing session. That's the kind of attitude you like to see. That's what makes it a real sport and not a spectacle. This isn't guys in their back yard brawling anymore. That looks more like this.



OK, maybe not exactly like that. Still, hats off to Forrest Griffin for being and entertaining fighter and being a great dude to be a fan of.

MUSIC!!

Time for a bump and grind number.



That's the whole nine yards for today. Everyone enjoy the Super Bowl tonight. Stay safe. We'll see y'all Wednesday.

Edgar versus Batman to Save Children!

Happy New Year! Its Sunday, January 2, 2012, half my resolutions are already toast, and this is The Side. Bouncing around the intarwub like it was new toy I found a nifty little new story about Scareware. Well, well, looks like what hit my comp last week has a name and its bouncing around Facebook, which the Missus has been spending quite a bit of time on.

Look, Facebook sucks, but half the planet seems to use it. Nothing I write is going to make it go away our make people stop putting way too much information about themselves or their friends on there. Its a Wikileaks for people, but unfortunately Mark Zuckerburg has enough pull to keep his ass out of the frying pan.

That said, if you're going to make just one New year's resolution involving the internet, make it this one: don't be stupid. This is a hostile environment, and don't you forget it. If you put it on the internet count on everyone on the planet seeing it. Nothing is fully secure on here, and if you don't believe me, just ask Haley Williams.

BEATIN'S!!

UFC 125 was last night and a lot of people were pretty down on this card due to lack of big star power. I think people thank big stars as in size. The heavyweight division lit up once Brock Lesnar hit the scene. For a while it was pretty thin, but now its exploded with a lot of giant powerhouses, which made Lesnar's days as champion numbered and which will give him a hard road back to the championship. Now the opposite end of the weight spectrum is getting a huge push. The UFC has added a featherweight and bantamweight division. Their roster has increased with the acquisition of the WEC. I was incredibly excited to hear that Anthony Pettis was next in line for a lightweight title shot, because that guys is exactly what the division needs, an incredibly exciting fighter who can bring the crowd to its feet.

But can the lightweight division offer the same excitement that the heavyweights can? Frankie Edgar is determined to prove it can.

The champ managed a feat that no one else has: he beat BJ Penn twice as a lightweight, and he did so convincingly. He goes under the radar because he's not a big trash talker. Still, last night's title match had my full attention because because Edgar's first defense now that he's sent Penn back up to welterweight was against the only guy who has ever beaten him. Round one looked like history was going to repeat itself as Gray Maynard beat the living hell out of Edgar. The guy threw 93 strikes in round one and many of use were shocked that the fight wasn't stopped. We were more shocked that Edgar survived the round. We were even more shocked when Edgar came out in round two as if round one had never happened and won the round. Edgar battled like a true champion but Maynard is a tough fighter and always dangerous. The fight went the distance. Edgar had one three of the five rounds including the fifth. However the judges don't always agree with me and Maynard's dominance in the first round gave him a lead of points that Edgar was forced to catch up to, and he did resulting in draw. A rematch is is up next for the two fighters, with Pettis waiting to take on who ever is left standing.

So the naysayers can say whatever they want about the lighter weight classes in mixed martial arts, but the UFC has one gutsy champ to be proud of. Most guys fight matches. This guy fights wars.

COMIX!!

Yes there is indeed a second set of comic reviews because i had two weeks worth of books at the shop and ten bucks to my name. At least until I got paid. Here's the rundown on the rest.

I had a lot of Batman related stuff last go around. Grant Morrison continues to give us a Batman that is awesome. David Finch is attempting to drag the Batman from the 90s back. But that's Bruce Wayne Batman. What about Dick Grayson Batman? He's being awesome right now in DETECTIVE COMICS #872. Scott Snyder writes a helluva Dick Grayson Batman. His interactions with Barbara and Tim were great. The story is moving along in an interesting direction. The banquet hall scene was legitimately creepy and nerve rattling. There's also the back up story with Commissioner Gordon that's running parallel to the Dick Grayson story. I know DC is cutting back-up stories to get their books down to the $2.99 price point, but Detective Comics was the first comic i read regularly and it always had a back-up story. At the time it featured green Arrow. So the nostalgic part of me will miss them. That aside, its a really creepy mystery story going on there and I'm dying to see how it turns out. I know the last time I reviewed this title I said I wasn't a fan of Jock, but I like what he's doing on this book. Ditto here. He can set up camp here with Snyder for the long haul and I'll keep right on reading if it continues being this good.

Moving on over to things Teen Titans. We had TEEN TITANS #90 where I am uncharacteristically just there for the art. No secret, I love Nicola Scott. She's one of my favorite artists working today. She totally delivered here. As for the story itself, its moving right along. J.T. Krul was responsible for writing one to the worst book in 2010, but he seems to be looking to atone for that with a solid story and good character interactions. The interactions with Rose and Damien were very well done. I was off this book for while, but I'm back gain and enjoying it. That wasn't the only Teen Titans book out, and here's where it gets weird. TEEN TITANS: COLD CASE was there waiting for me, so I grabbed it and I don't know why this book was published. Its not that its not particularly very good, because frankly, it is pretty lame. Its that the book is set five years ago our time and has nothing to do with the characters as they currently stand. It features the One Year later Teen Titans line-up complete with Tim Drake as Robin and still dealing with his father's murder and Kid Devil, who I liked and thought it was pretty crappy that he got bumped off. I don't know why this book is coming out now. Did someone at DC find the script in a drawer from 2005 and say, "Hey, look what I found, let's publish this!" Weird, and skippable. Save your money. The dumb thing is $4.99. For that you can get a copy of TINY TITANS #35 and some doughnuts. This month we have fun with parallel dimensions and color schemes. Great stuff as always and it gave me a chuckle.

HELLBOY: THE SLEEPING AND THE DEAD #1 features Mike Mignola and Scott Hampton teaming up to give us another really fun and creepy title. Hellboy takes on vampires, and this is all straight from the Mignola handbook. Give us a grabber of an introduction and pull us right into the heart of the mystery along with Hellboy. This takes me back to stories like "The Wolves of St. August" and "The Chained Coffin". Its a short story that is super creepy and entertaining. Lovely work.

Rounding for home we get to the favorite comic of The Mighty Missus Nozz: ZATANNA #8. Paul Dini is back and dealing with Zee's fear of Puppets. I absolutely love the cover as it has has nods to some pretty famous puppets. The book itself is really good. One thing that bugs me is that everything in Zatanna's life seems to go back to something involving her father. And I know that this is the basis of the character, but I want to see things move beyond that. This story is a step in that direction. Yes, it does involve her father, but the story is about Zee. The threat is one that is specifically targeting her. The writing is great as expected from Dini. Cliff Chang handles the art, and its top notch. I know Supergirl will be in good hands when he takes over for Jamal Igle. He manages to make Zee look attractive and sexy without crossing over into making her look slutty. The Missus has good taste.

"WE GOTTA SAVE THE CHIL'REN!!"

We all worry about kids. We worry about the world that they are going to inherit and we worry about what they're going to do with it when we're old. When you're a parent you have two jobs: protect your kids and teach them to fend for themselves. More and more we worry about them at younger ages.



Some of it is pretty common sense. You need to keep an eye on what they're exposed to. If I brought home a magazine that my dad wasn't familiar with, he'd give it a flip through to check it out. Its trickery now, especially with music. My dad and stepmom thought their was nothing wrong with their granddaughter, who was at the time a pre-teen, being into the Spice Girls. I did warn them because I had actually listened to some of their music, but they blew it off. After all, the Spice Girls were marketed directly at pre-teen and early teenage girls. They thought I was blowing things out of proportion until they finally heard some of the music. Things like this don't change. Of course I was 12 when "Licence to Ill" hit and me and the guys wore that album out. So the battle is an eternal one and it does go on. Like recently when a CD marketed to kids was found to have profanity on it. Sometimes things slip through the cracks. Wal-Mart didn't know there was profanity on those CDs and as soon as they did, they pulled them from the shelves. Wal-Mart slipped up, but ultimately its not Wal-Mart's job to protect your kids.

And kids consume more than just entertainment. A current study shows that a lot of infants are overweight or obese. This is a big problem because overweight people are among the last group you can make fun of and have politically correct hippies come after you with torches and pitchforks, so we can't let our kids fall into that group. The study says that straight breastfeeding is the best way to keep your infant from becoming overweight.

This study is complete bullshit.

First off: babies need calories. Second: there's plenty of calories in breast milk. My kids were had only breast milk for their first three months of life and quadrupled in weight. The Missus worked with children and babies for years. The overweight ones were often the ones that were breastfed. There's nothing wrong with formula. What parents need to do is listen to what they're kid's doctors tell them about their diets. You don't just shove a bottle in their mouths whenever they cry. I've got twins. If you don't have a good schedule with twin babies, you are screwed. They got a certain amount of formula at specific feeding times. If they didn't eat it all, no problem. If they did eat it all cool. They were well fed, and because of that they rested well. And resting well leads to eating well. So, my girls who were about three pounds each when they were delivered two months early quickly grew in little girls who are now mistaken as being older than they are. They're the tallest in their preschool class and healthy as horses.



Good eating is common sense. Yes, I eat horribly, but my kids eat pretty well. They love veggies and fruit. They eat plenty. Yes they had a period when they were squishy little butterballs, but now they're lean, mean, mess-making machines. And that's not me saying that I'm dad of the year. I'm a horrible parent by the standards all these studies put out, yet my kids are thriving.

It really doesn't take much to raise great kids and its no big mystery has to how to keep them healthy. But the one thing it does take above everything else: PAY ATTENTION! Pay attention to what they eat and what they're exposed to. You'll be amazed what a bit of vigilance pays off into.

MUSIC!!

Since I mentioned "License to Ill" by the Beastie Boys...



Alright, that's how we kick off the New year 'round here. Be back on Wednesday. I plan on pissin' some people off. That's about the only resolution I'll probably keep.

Lights Out for Batman!!

French the Llama, its Sunday, August 29, 2010 and once again, its really all about Batman. I felt like I had a bit of a Bat-drought lately, but now it seems all is normal again.

At least as normal as it typically is around here.

COMIX!!

Starting off with DETECTIVE COMICS #868 which was pretty disappointing. We're still not sure if this is supposed to be Bruce Wayne or Dick Grayson as Batman. The Costume looks like its supposed to be Bruce, and if that is the case, is this a flashback to before the Morrison epic, or a flash forward to after. Continuity quibbling aside, this issue is an interesting idea that just crashes and burns. I found the scene of Batman dosing himself with the Joker Juice because he needs "to know how it feels" to be amazingly stupid. It's incredibly out of character for him. He fights crackheads too, but I seriously doubt batman smoked crack because he needed "to know how it feels". Pushing aside that horrible hurdle, we get the origin of the impostor Joker as a victim of Joker Venom who survived it. Its also so blatantly obvious that he's also the impostor Batman playing both sides that the story is rendered pointless. Skip it.

On to BATMAN #702 which is continuing the Morrison epic which GAMEINFORMER magazine called "stupid". But then the reviewer also still thinks Bruce Wayne died, so now we know that if you're going to review a book it helps to actually read it and pay attention. Now this storyline has been running literally for years. If this is the first issue of this storyline that you are picking up, I guarantee that you will be completely lost. If you have been following this storyline and are confused, which is OK to admit because this is a very complex story, this issue is the one that snaps everything into place.

For months I have been pondering the possible connection between The Black Glove and Darkseid. At the time of publication DC gave us the vague impression that "R.I.P." was a tie-in story to FINAL CRISIS. But the truth is exactly the opposite. FINAL CRISIS was a chapter to Morrison's "The Once and Future Batman" story. A chapter to a narrative cleverly disguised as a major event which featured the hero hardly at all. The subtle elegance of the execution of this leaves me in awe.

And not only does Morrison knock this out of the park, but Tony Daniel his best work to date. This does not look like the same artist that did "R.I.P.". He has improved dramatically. I have criticized his work harshly in the past, but I am damn impressed with his work here.

There's so much going on here. The previous issue moved us from the "R.I.P." story to FINAL CRISIS. This story takes us through FINAL CRISIS and brings us right to "The Return of Bruce Wayne" from Wayne's POV. This book would be positively chilling if not for my steadfast faith that Batman can overcome this. Its a nearly unimaginable trap the scope of which I'm still figuring out. We are told that everything the New Gods touch "becomes myth". This is weaponized mythmaking targeting one person. And in the midst of of just sheer horror, we have Batman, his very mind under a hideous assault, giving one of those lines in comics that is going to resonate through the entire genre.

I have said in the past that Batman is the genre's representation of humanity, and I swear this issue is like Grant Morrison grasping me firmly by the shoulders, looking me straight in the eye, and telling me "You're right."

BEATINGS!!

My prediction was 2:22. Two minutes, twenty-two second. That was the average time fighters spent in the Octagon in the first few Ultimate Fighting Championships. That was how long I said it would take Randy Couture to beat James Toney. James Toney is a professional boxer, and a champion. He had spent month stalking UFC president Dana White claiming he could a beat a number of the top UFC fighters. His list included Couture, who is fresh off of being in one of the top movies of the summer THE EXPENDABLES. White finally agreed to let the 42 year old boxer into the ring. The 47 year old UFC hall of famer happily stepped up to welcome Toney to the sport.

The fight took three minutes and seventeen second, so I was off by under a minute. Despite a lot of trash talk, most of which required subtitles since Toney beat up the English language worse than most of his boxing opponents, it became obvious quickly that the boxing champ was not prepared for Couture at all. It played out just like an early UFC bout in that the grappler immediately took down the striker and kept him down until the striker was submitted.

Toney is the first ranked professional boxer to get into the ring since Milton Bowen in UFC 4. After this, I doubt we'll be seeing an influx of boxers looking to make the transition with only a few months of preparation like Toney did. We certainly won't see as much trash talking.

OUT AND ABOUT WITH NOZZ

While grabbing a drink and snack the woman in front of me in texted a message on her Blackberry. Directly afterward she received a phone call on her iPhone. I suspect she had a wireless router implanted in her.

The Dominoes where I went to pick up dinner had one of the windows boarded up. Seems a drunk drive hi the building. I suspect he was aiming for the 7-11 and missed. If he was sober, I'm sure he would have actually hit the 7-11.

Dojo quote: "I hate this kata with a passion of 1,000 Naihanchin Ni Dans." Naihanchin Ni Dan seems to be the new barometer of kata disdain. For those who don't know what Naihanchin Ni Dan is:



After spending all morning working on top of a building in Downtown Norfolk I was questioned as to how I got into the building when I was leaving. My response: "I'm Batman."

Cleaned a counter top on a rental house this week. This involved me scraping a layer on nasty off the top. That was probably the cleanest room in the house. And I seriously hope that appliance that we found under the bathroom sink was a back massager, but somehow I doubt it.

MUSIC!!!

Its Sunday, so its time to listen to the Reverend, and continue our cartoon theme songs theme.



That all, y'all. See you Wednesday.

America loves fighting!

Happy Independence Day! It's July 4, 2010 and with everything going on in politics and with the World Cup going on I've heard a lot of trash talk online putting down America. I'd be upset but for that fact that without America there wouldn't be an internet for those losers to try to feel superior on. I love irony. Make a deal with you: I won't trash your country if you don't trash mine.

This deal does not apply to France.

I H8 PRON!!

For the first time in a long time I was able to get over to my cousin's house to watch the UFC. This is of course putting aside the horrible blood feud between the two of us that many had talked about but never actually existed. Managed to get a sitter for the girls. The missus got the night off and made some homemade cheeseburger queso dip. Everything was all set until Scott went to actually order the Pay Per View.

After ordering the fight we were informed that Scott had in fact ordered "Young & Willing Casting Couch Girls". Obviously a technical malfunction, but one we could not remedy. In our desperation to watch the fight we even attempted to order the over priced HD version only to see that to do so would only provide us with "Horny Prison Women: Waiting for Release". This would mark the first time a bunch of heterosexual men were upset by the prospect of having to watch neked women as opposed to sweating men.

All efforts to contact the cable company were fruitless and the evening, aside from the queso, was a bust.

So I missed being horribly disappointed that Lesnar withstood getting the crap beat out of him for a round and then managing to pull out a win. As such I really need you people to send me money because I doubt the loanshark will be any more sympathetic than the bookie.

MUSIC!!

I hate it when I remember when the 'classics' were new. Ah well, let's rock!

POP QUIZ!

1: What did you do for Independence Day?

2: What do you think of the UFC and the recent event?

3: What do you like on your hamburger? (Cause that's what I had for dinner.)

Happy 4th. Enjoy yourselves. Stay safe. God bless America.

See y'all Wednesday.