Barry Allen made me Marty Nozz

Yeah, I know I said I was going to stay away from the FLASH: REBIRTH idiocy, but the part of me that has to look at car accidents as I drive by made me check it out. For those who don't know Barry Allen was the Flash way back when i was a little kid and watching SUPER FRIENDS. In the mid-80s, Barry died saving the universe during the CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS series. Since then his sidekick Kid Flash, AKA Wally West took over. So Wally's been the Flash for over twenty years.

So why bring Barry back now? It's simple, Dan DiDio is the DC editor-in-chief and he wanted Barry back just like he wanted Hal Jordan back. Guess he really liked SUPER FRIENDS back in the day. Yes, it's a stupid reason. Yes, it's a horrible idea. Yes, I'm not the only one who thinks so:

"And Barry... well I love him, but he was a stiff. Did he have any personality at all?"

"Barry Allen was the perfect hero for his time. The 1960s."


Those quotes come from a conversation from when this topic was brought up before. If you don't know who said them, I'll tell ya later.

As for the issue at hand, it's not a total loss. The art is really nice. Ethan Van Sciver isn't afraid to put a ton of detail into his pages, and i really dig that. There is a one little coloring error in there. Not as bad as Mister Miracle's ethnicity change in the middle of FINAL CRISIS, but it made me smirk.

Let's start with the line that gave this post it's title. "Barry Allen made me the Flash." Now, reading this out of context one would think that this line would be given to Wally West. But no. That would make sense. It's given to Jay Garrick who was the first Flash back in World War II. In continuity, this was the guy who Barry idolized. Following that line is a bunch of poppycock about how Barry inspired Jay to come out of retirement, and that led to the Justice Society returning and so forth.

Here's what gets me: Barry Allen is the Saint of the DC Universe. He's the guy who sacrificed himself for everyone. That claptrap that Geoff Johns wrote trying make Barry Allen feel important is rubbish and a waste of time. He's a very important character because of the sacrifice he made. That sacrifice is pretty much null and void now.

On to another really stupid line: "The bow ties weren't my fault." This seems really trivial but it's really not. Barry Allen was not cool. He wore the bow ties because they went well with his pocket protector. He always wore those bow ties, and he didn't apologize for them. However, he did tell that line to Hal Jordan, the poster boy for 'it's not my fault'. Perhaps Barry was possessed by the cosmic entity Geekallax who caused Barry to wear those bow ties.

As for appearances, whatever plastic surgeon Iris Allen went to, he's absolutely fabulous. It had to Doctor Midnight, because only a super-hero surgeon could make a woman approximately fifty years old look like that. Kind of spoils the illusion of Iris supposedly being in her late 20s when her GRANDSON appears in the very same issue. When Iris returned from the future with her grandson Bart she was in her forties. That was being really generous too. Time has passed since then. Now it's getting wound backwards. I get that Barry's body is physically the same age as when he died and now he's supposed to be about the same age as Wally. Does this make Iris a cougar?

On to the continuity clusterfuck, which really surprised me because Johns made his rep by plugging continuity holes. Seems according to this issue Barry's father was arrested for murdering his mother. Never mind the fact that both his parents were alive and well and helped to comfort Barry after Iris's supposed death. This is a recurring theme in John's work. The hero must have some sort of tragedy befall them, and it's often revolving around family especially fathers. Hal Jordan watched his father die in a plane crash. Jonathon Kent got killed off last year. Now this. I know a few people would considered John's creation Zoom to be a Mary Sue (note: a Mary Sue is a character that represents the author). Zoom believed that a hero had to go through tragedy to become a better hero. Guess the Mary Sue theory just got more evidence.

As I was reading the issue I just kept thinking to myself 'who is this guy?' They kept insisting he was Barry Allen, but frankly it sure didn't seem like him. He was impatient. He couldn't get away from Hal fast enough to go do whatever he was going to do. He spent zero time with Iris in the issue. I mentioned his makeover before. Frankly I thought I was reading "The Return of Barry Allen" all over again and was waiting for the reveal that it was really Eobard Thawne masquerading as Barry again. That would actually make more sense with how he's acting.

Caught on to who I quoted before? It was a conversation between Mark Waid and his editor Brian Augustyn that spurred from Waid's frustration about people asking him 'when's Barry coming back'. They both knew then that it would be a bad idea, and the "Return of Barry Allen" was a healthy does of be careful what you wish for directed at the drooling fan boys of the time who expected death to not last forever. It seems from what I've heard from critics and readers alike that this is another does. Honestly, I know very few people who wanted this to happen. A lot of them are disappointed with this issue too.

The only bright spot in the writing was the handling of Bart Allen. I'm glad the character is back as Kid Flash. I can understand Bart being upset about Barry's return. He still misses his mentor, Max Mercury, and with Barry could return, then why couldn't Max?

So, where's this thing going to go? Pretty easy to answer. Barry is going to investigate why the Speed Force is acting for weird and think he's at fault for it. It'll turn out to be the killer shown at the beginning of the issue who as it turns out framed Barry's father for the murder of his mother. This will be followed by Barry racing Superman to figure out who is faster even though Superman is supposed to be away for a year and the fact that this notion has been done to death and then some. I have no basis really for any of that, but let's see how accurate I am.

Welcome back Barry. Now go away.

2 comments:

Kristiine Havener said...

How, do you think, the choice to bring Allen back can be "redeemed"? If he goes back to being dead in the end, would that work? Or is the fact the character was brought back out in the first place, regardless of what happens, the main problem? Is there a way for Allen to come back that would have been acceptable? Basically; do you think the problem is with Dido or Johns - or rather (since both are pretty much crap) who should get more "blame"?

Marty Nozz said...

DiDio has claimed credit for it being his idea and also claimed Johns was an eager co-conspirator. The blame falls on DiDio. It was under his direction and the entire bring back the Silver Age paradigm is his doing. It shows an extreme lack of vision that the editor-in-chief of a company that's stock and trade is storytelling can't see a forward direction can only think to look backwards at the 'good old days'.

Honestly, the only out I'm seeing is if Barry turns out to be Malcolm Thawne or something. If it is Barry and he is sticking around then he needs to step aside and serve a role similar to Jay Garrick.

Honestly, I'm thinking the entire notion of the Justice League needs to be put out to pasture and a group like the Titans needs to become the premier DCU super team. They have the characters for it, they only need a writer and editor willing to give them the proper push. I'd love to be writing Titans right now.