Beating children: a professional's thoughts.

A new study has come out giving evidence that spanking is bad for children. Please note that the article says nothing about spanking adults and that seems to be just fine. So some of you can carry on about your business.

Speaking as a fellow who gets paid good money for transforming children into bruised heaps of sweaty, occasionally crying, masses I have to say: BEAT YOUR KIDS! BEAT 'EM! IF YOU DON'T, THE COPS WILL LATER.

These idiotic studies keep coming out and all of them are rigged. Molly-coddling kids never works. You put a healthy dose of fear in them, and they tend to do what you say. My students don't do what I tell them because they love me. Hell, safe money says a portion of them don't even respect me. But I carry a stick specifically for hitting them and they each have the idea that I may just kill them if they annoy me.

Kid: "You can't do that!"

*WHACK!*

Me: "Yeah right. Your parents are paying me to do this."

I actually don't have to beat the kids too much nowadays. The crop that's been there a while has seen the benefit of the training and does as I order them. Peer pressure works if you can control it. The newer kids snap to when they see the more advanced students performing well. I also pit them against each other, and a healthy dose of competition does wonders for driving kids. None of that every gets a trophy crap. You don't do right you get hit by that kids standing across from you wearing gloves.

Anyone offended yet? If so, you've got problems.

Ever notice how the 'experts' who have the biggest opinions about how to raise a kid often aren't parents themselves? These experts would soil their panties if they saw my classes. My Dojo runs a years long hazing process that involves yelling, beatings, intense physical activities and being made fun of on a regular basis. After that you may get a black belt. Maybe. If we don't kill you.

Guess what? It works.

The kids I teach don't have much problems with bullies. Why? Because for every insult they've heard at school, they've probably heard worse and a lot more clever from me. We strip false ego out of people and built true character. They learn that sweat, perseverance, and giving it everything you've got produces results. They know every day is a test. These kids are carved out of wood when we're done with them.

And my Dojo isn't even the harshest in this town.

So, for those parents who are not seeing results and improvement in behavior through a judicial swat on the keister, here's my advice: use a boat oar.

Work's wonders.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm offended. I never beat my kids but they hustle when I say two. I don't have to say one...one was the direction/order and they best be moving by two, and always are. I used time outs with my two oldest sons and I don't think the two younger sons even know what happens at 3 they just followed the older boys suit. When they were toddlers punishment was sitting on the stairs which they don't even remember. No bullies needed. I think your argument is absurd. It's legalized abuse.

Marty Nozz said...

Have fun being offended. The kids I've trained are hard as coffin nails, think quick in pressure situations and know how to tough out bad situations.

You're French, aren't you.

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