Oh, where do I even get started?
OK, let's begin with the hole in my soul. You see, I'm adopted and that causes there to be a hole in your soul. For years I mistook it for my liver and whereas I assumed that the insane amount of whiskey I consumed in the winter of '97 was processed through it in a Herculean biological function it was really just being poured right into the abyss. The hole in my soul is deep indeed.
It is only through the wisdom of the CW's new show, LIFE UNEXPECTED, that I have discovered that the only way to fill the hole in my soul is to hunt down my biological parents and inflict myself upon them. Only the ensuing maelstrom of drama may fill that hole.
Pardon me, I just finished watching the program a few moments ago and must dispense with the large amount of bile that has welled up in my mouth. I'll be right back.
...
OK, I'm back now. TV Guide has compared this show to GILMORE GIRLS and its not half as clever. It seems the message is if you're a 15 year old girl and get pregnant you are supposed to either "handle it" (translation: have an abortion) or keep the child and raise it yourself. How dare a girl realize that they are in no position to raise a child and know that their are thousands of couples out there who would move mountains to bring a child into their family. But wait, the child had health problems, so none of the perspective parents wanted her. Oh and she was three by the time her medical problems were resolved, and that's way too old for anyone to want her.
Nobody wanted the cute little blond haired girl, with no biological parents in the picture to snatch the child back months later.
I'm capable to buy into a high school student being bitten by a radioactive bug and gaining super powers for the sake of a good story, but this is too much for my suspension of disbelief.
Let's look at this character, Lux, or whatever cute quirky name they gave her. Moving past the fact that her not getting adopted is completely stupid, she's become the Wise Child. We all know the Wise Child, the one with all these deep insights that is so insightfully deep and spouts lines that real kids who are their age would not even think of. She certainly turned out well considering she's been bounced through the oh so horrible foster care system which is of course a living hell for any poor hole-filled soul that finds them self in it. No set of foster parents in Lux's near 16 years have been decent. And certainly there are those poor kids who do get stuck in foster care and don't get adopted, but they don't turn out like Lux. Many end up in juvenile detention. The system isn't perfect, but you can't have this horrible situation and have the kid involved turn out so good.
So, our little heroine tracks down her birth parents to get their signatures so she can get emancipated. The bio-dad, Nate, is caught completely flatfooted because he didn't know she existed. The bio-mom, Kate, who looks about 3 years older than Lux if that, gets to be all angst ridden over what she did to that poor little girl. So, instead of giving the girl a chance at a good life with a couple prepared to be parents, she should have kept the child. I'm sure she still would be a successful radio talk show host if she had. Everything would have been great for everyone.
So, onward Lux going getting the signatures she needs to get emancipated and standing before the judge, who takes no consideration for the circumstances, the wishes of anyone involved, or the fact she wasn't a family court judge and sticks Nate and Kate with joint custody.
More drama goes on and leads to Nate and Kate in the sack even though they just spent the entire episode arguing and Kate had been nothing but acidic to Nate. But them Kate turns around a proposes to her radio co-host and they're going to take care of Lux. OMG! Will the jackass co-host discover what happened? Will Kate and Nate get together to raise Lux? Can this crapfest possibly get more contrived?
I don't have a problem with any of the actors or actresses involved. They all played their parts well enough and they'll have no trouble moving on to do something worthwhile with their talents, but this show is garbage, and needs to go away. I am actually scared that some poor girl out there is pregnant and watches this and takes the option of giving their child up for adoption off the table. It absolutely disgusts me that the process is being shown like this. It's being depicted like this horrible sin that a young woman might realize that she is not ready to be a mother but doesn't want to abort the pregnancy. Lux asked "Did you ever consider keeping me." and the answer was no, but considering she could have ended up medical waste she should have been damn happy.
It is my wish, as I sit here typing this in my FINDER: SIN-EATER t-shirt, that I take all the episodes of this show, and everything about it, the scripts, advertisements, and Nate's really stupid Milf t-shirt and shove it deep down into the hole in my soul. I will do this because television has sinned, and I must cleanse it before I enjoy new episodes of SUPERNATURAL later this week. And I do this for you people who actually read all of this. I have watched this thing so that you don't have to. You probably didn't watch it anyways since I think LIE TO ME was on at the same time and if you're watching LIFE UNEXPECTED rather than LIE TO ME you have chosen poorly.
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