The audience of one

I think everyone one creates and makes their work public asks themselves at some point, "Is anyone even seeing this?" This point comes early in careers of creators, before the numbers come in as to how much you've sold, or how many hits there are on your website or you start seeing your name mentioned here and there. This can be scary for some people. Some people feel the need for validation of their efforts. Validation is nice and comforting. No one wants to feel like they've been wasting their time and effort. However, they're missing out on something.

There's an old expression: "Dance like nobody is watching you." They never intended that saying to apply only to dancing. There's a liberating feeling to being your own audience and not caring about your sales or hit count. You start getting experimental. You start throwing new ideas and techniques around to see what works and what doesn't.

For me, it was college. NIGHT LIFE got it's humble beginnings in the James Madison University newspaper. I learned a lot there. I learned about meeting my deadlines. I learned about pacing my story. I learned how to deal with different editors. And I learned how to dance like no one was watching.

For those who aren't familiar with good ol JMU at the time there were about 10,000 students. The JMU newspaper, The Breeze, was put out on Mondays and Thursdays and was free. I didn't find out until later that the paper was also available throughout the city of Harrisonburg were JMU was nestled in. So, my work was readily available to thousands of people, and I maintained that only 12 of them actually read the damned thing.

I had to. I have one very prominent weakness: I am completely unable to comprehend that I have fans somewhere. I once had a professor ask me to stay after class for a moment if I had the time. I figured I was in deep shit because I was struggling with the class. No, he wanted to chat about the comic. When I should have felt pride, I kind of felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me. I learned to deal with it, especially after people who came to me as fans became friends. They started to get more vocal. Professors were thinking it was cool that I was in their classes. Other students would talk to me about certain characters.

The 12 fan theory got utterly destroyed at a party when I discovered that nearly everyone there was a fan. Thank God it was senior year. I may have developed an ego or something.

Fast forward to now. I'm putting out more content than ever before. However, I'm back to my old 12 fan theory. 12 is a good number. It's small enough that I don't feel overwhelmed, but it's large enough to motivate me. I'd hate to let down my fans, all 12 of you. I've got two followers of this blog so for all I know Pinds and Kristie (bless the pair of ya!) are the only people who will ever read this.

And I'm cool with that.

I'm going to keep on dancing.