Idiot Box Zombies

Eat Blue Shell of Death! Its Wednesday, April 20, 2011, the Wii has taken over the house again, and this is The Side. I've always enjoyed video games. I've got my PS2 which still gets plenty of play time. The newest system I have in the house is a Nintendo Wii. I actually caught a bit of grief over this as friends who do game told me I should get a PS3 or an X-Box. Personally, I wanted something a bit more kid friendly, and I've got no regrets. The system is fun.

But as with all things, it got a lot of action, and that tapered off. We don't buy a lot of games. Its still a lot of fun. However, since getting that thing assessed to the internet over the weekend its gotten more action than ever.


We don't have many TV channels due to lack of cable. This doesn't bother us nearly as much nowadays because we have Netflix, a Wii, and a wireless router. But we still love TV and we have our guilty pleasures when it comes to TV. So when it was announced that ABC would be canceling ALL MY CHILDREN and ONE LIFE TO LIVE it was not a pleasant moment in the Nozz Compound.


"Well, Honey, they're doing it."

The Missus sat down to look over the article I pulled up online concerning the impending cancellation. I was fully expecting her to launch into Dragon Rage and something to lose 40 life points.

"Is there anything on ABC that we like?" She demanded to know. It seemed like if I was going to stop listening to 96X due to them changing formats and axing my favorite radio show, she could certainly boycott a TV station. There's not much we do watch on that station. The reality TV shows are pretty lame. WIPEOUT is fun but we can deal without it. The kids like AMERICA'S FUNNIEST VIDEOS but that's also something we can work around.


"Dammit." She was defeated by the power of Nathan Fillion. The boycott has been narrowly avoided thanks to one ruggedly handsome Canadian.


I learned a little something this week as well with the Wii now being internet assessable: Japanese people cheat. Not all of them mind you, but something is definitely fishy. I have MARIO KART, and I'm pretty good at it. I think its safe to say that if you play against me in MARIO KART then I'll be able to give a normal person a run for their money.

Japanese gamers don't seem to be normal people. I'm racing on tracks that I've raced on dozens of times before. I have these tracks down to the point that even if I am half asleep I can come in first place. Now, I understand that another gamer is going to have a lot more to offer in terms of strategy and drive as opposed to the game's pre-programed opponents, but when some Japanese person nearly laps me and I'm running the course really well I have to question things.

I think there's a cheat code in there somewhere that's only passed out to Japanese gamers. There's some kanji floating around the internet that translates into "PWN GAIJIN N00BS" that once clicked instructs players as to how to make their little Mushroom Kingdom racers go twice as fast as anything else on the track.

And the worst part is: I don't speak Japanese so I can't even yell at the TV properly. If I'm playing against Diego from Spain and I'm gaining on him, and he suddenly dumps a banana peel right in my grill, I can at least yell, "Dammit Diego! I'm gonna have yer ass!" with as much Christian love as I can possibly muster. But getting lapped by a Japanese person and only seeing a bunch of kanji over his little racer takes some of of the fun out. I like to personalize the insults and venom I hurl at a the TV. I can't insult this person if I don't know his name! I thought mark Zuckerberg said that we should know everything about each other!

Therefore, I proposed that Japan stop speaking Japanese and formally adopt English as its official language so I can insult gamers from half a world away, even though they can't hear any of it, from the privacy of my own home.


Seems every posting of the official video has had the sound removed, so here's four guys singing and not moving.

That's a wrap for today. I'm going to try to avoid using the Wii today so i can actually draw something. See y'all Friday.

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