Marty versus Wolves

That's right. For the holiday season I'm going to do battle with pack of blood thirsty animals. It's a holiday tradition. Actually, they're no gravy thirsty animals, but with my kinfolk dinner can be a no holds barred event. Especially if there's ham AND turkey.

Onward. Wolves. They're quite the animal. Tons of myths about them. Perhaps that's why they attract douches.

There's a certain breed of loser out there, and the good thing about the internet is that these social misfits are staying in their parents' basement and not annoying me in real life. These people, mostly guys, are possessed with a false self-importance. They want the world to view them as mysterious, deep and potentially dangerous. They also tend to listen to heavy metal music and have mullets. These people, in an attempt to add depth to their douchiness, like to identify themselves with wolves.

In some cultures its thought that people embody to some degree particular animal spirits. To determine which spirit a person would likely have to consult a shaman or other person well versed in understanding these things. We also have things like the Chinese Zodiac in which different years correlate to different animals and people born within those years have certain traits that are related to those animals. Please note that with these cultures one does not declare what animal they relate to, they are told what animal they relate to. Its the different between declaring "I'm awesome" and someone else declaring "You're awesome".

We have instances of people invoking spirituality in meaningless ways for mainly two reasons: first, to try to add substance to their pathetic existences and second, to try to get laid.

Does this work? Yes, but the drawback to it is that it only works on people more pathetic than the person doing it. There's a hierarchy to cool. Claiming to be a wolf in dork's clothing is not cool. Only people less cool would think it's cool.

There's a math equation that explains all of this in concrete quantifiable terms, but it involve trigonometry and I haven't had coffee yet, so screw that.

This has led to open mockery this year, mainly with the Three Wolf Moon t-shirt. This shirt wasn't meant to be funny or ironic, but has become so. This is good for the makers of these shirts because they made some good bank off of it. It was a choice little meme earlier this year. "hey, the Three Wolf Moon t-shirt is a total chick magnet". This also popped up in a TWILIGHT parody on YouTube that I spotted last week. That fact that this is hallow and stupid is not lost on anyone.

I like wolves. I like werewolf movies. I think they're scary. I don't like TWILIGHT, but the wolves looked scary in the movie previews and was impressive until I realized that it's TWILIGHT and it sucks.

So here's the moral of the rant: Be yourself. Don't be a wolf. Wolves are cool. Guys claiming to be wolves aren't.