The end is nigh!

Its Sunday, August 1, 2010. Welcome of August, you're all doomed. Due to that doom I have turned the comment moderation because Gucci Spam Bombs and the JPI virus are small potatos compared to what is coming.


What you are about to read may shock you, and for that I apologize. I want you all to know that there is hope, and the situation I am about too outline is not cause for utter despair. There have been a lot of seemingly unrelated news stories, that have a very unfortunate connection. The signs are all there.

We turn our attention first to Antarctica and the Icecube. The Icecube is a science station purposed for the finding of neutrinos, which are tiny particles that aren't easily found. What is of note is not the neutrinos, but what is considered background noise by the scientists, Cosmic Rays. More importantly, the pattern in which the Cosmic rays are hitting Earth. It seems that they are hitting the planet from one direction, but there's a distinct lack of Cosmic Rays from the other. Scientists have their theories as to what could be causing so many more Cosmic rays to come from one direction (they theorize a Supernova), but what they've failed to consider is why is there so much less activity from the other direction. What is stopping the cosmic rays?

We now turn our attention to the Straight of Hormuz where there was a mysterious impact with a Japanese oil tanker. The crew of the tanker have said that they don't know what caused the massive dent in the tanker. They claim they saw a flash of light and felt a big impact, but none of the people aboard that ship have any explanation as to what happened. One popular theory points to terrorism as attacks on ocean going vessels is nothing new to them, however there doesn't seem to be evidence of a conventional explosion.

Two seemingly unrelated stories, coming from half the world apart. But as we know, two weird instances are merely a coincidence. It takes three to truly make them a pattern. So what on Earth could possibly link Cosmic Ray patterns and the striking of a Japanese Oil tanker? For our answer, and the third piece of the puzzle, we turn to China.

This happened a few weeks ago, but well within the appropriate timeline for things to fall into place. A UFO was spotted over an airport in China. This is pretty wild in and of itself, but more so is that the fact that the Chinese Government is willing to have dialogues about the sightings. This is something totally new because it used to be they threw people who though they saw UFOs or tried talking about them into prison. So obviously, they're taking this seriously and likely have intelligence that we do not.

Those that observed the object claimed it had a 'lantern-like' appearance. But I ask you, gentle readers, does that image look like a lantern to you? Of course not. I posit that it is indeed something more foreboding. And in the interest of public service I have investigated this matter, and that included calling in some favors from sources I won't disclose, but they have shared with me a picture of the likely source of these phenomena.

I know its a little bit blurry, but you can make out Galactus in the picture which was taken from a really really good telescope. Seems the Mayans knew about Galactus and while we're not sure if their estimated date of his arrival is accurate its still going to be a bad day. Of course this has come to the attention of President which it seems that he's know for quite sometime. The Pop-Star-in-Chief explained that was the reason why he stopped caring about the economy and jobs. He figures if the world is going to get eaten then we might as well spend our remaining time "funemployed", and its no problem with the Government spending money that they don't have since we won't be around anyways.

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to be the fly in Obama's plans, because somebody has to save the world, and it might as well be me. That's right. I'm no quitter! I've already begun building my mighty satellite weapon which I'll be using to kick Galactus's big armored ass. After years of playing Space Invaders I'm ready for him.

Bring it on, you big sum'bitch!

However just in case you don't think I can take Galactus (which means you haven't been here long enough), here's some inspiration for planning your final moments before the planet gets nom'd.


OK, see what I did up there? I took real life facts and news stories and twisted it into a weirdo jumping off point for a big space action adventure story. This brings us to the crap currently going on in SUPERMAN. In SUPERMAN or hero is currently dealing with societal problems. Now this is being rationalized a number of different ways. Superman fought more human foes and societal corruption back in late 30s and into the 40s when he was introduced. There's thoughts that Superman needs to be taken "down to Earth" so he can better relate to people. There is also the notion that the character needs more realism. These are all crap, and its making for really boring storytelling.

I went and used that nasty word "realism" again. Now, there's got to be a bit of realism in comics. And no I'm not referring to the fanboy definition of terrible shit happening to characters to make it 'real'. I'm talking about human truth. I'm talking about facts. Every good work of fiction has a bit of truth in it. Its how we as readers can connect with even the most fantastic of stories. But we don't want to beat a reader over the head with realism.

If you pound them with too many facts that don't add crucial elements to the story then it can read like a textbook. It'll cease to be entertaining. Same thing if you hammer the reader repeatedly with vows of society. It ends up depressing and not fun to read. Sure it will draw attention to a problem, but with you go on too long all you're doing is lecturing. Greg Rucka delt with the subject of child slavery in his novel "Walking Dead". The issue was handled with a grave seriousness and gave some chilling cold hard facts. These facts added to the drama and urgency of the story. Once again, Rucka got it right.

In comics, specifically superhero comics, there is room for social commentary, but writers can't forget that these are escapist soap operas. Having an issue or two in which superheroes deal with a real world problem like drug abuse or suicide can be a very good and powerful thing, but taking Superman on a year long walking tour of misery is going to do nothing but make readers looking for a good time to look elsewhere.


Concluding our week on mining Pickle's Pantry Parlour we are going live. Enjoy.

Alright, that's it for today. See you Wednesday and DFTBA.

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