I had hoped to be off world by now kicking back and dining pleasantly on Hell roasted sinner's ass with fried apples and nice light beer. But it seems I got passed on by this go around. I took a nap and must have missed the big earthquake. I do that sometimes. Used to sleep through earthquakes all the time as a kid. No damage to the property, but I'm still here.
The family is still here too. I suppose that's my fault for not getting us to church more often. The neighbors are still about too, but they're a scandalous lot, so no Rapture for them.
Can't imagine why I didn't get yanked on up. Ah well, can't dwell on such things now. The dead should be rising pretty soon, so I'd best get ready.
That's right, true believers, its Sunday, May 22, 2011, we're a day into the End of Days, and this is The Side.
Hurricane season is coming up. It starts June 1. This is of course the annual event when the local weather forecasting type folks get the squeals because they may just get to justify their existences. We get PSAs all summer long telling us to be prepared. There'll be pamphlets in the grocery stores with their pictures on them superimposed over scary looking storm pictures with instructions inside letting us know what to do if a hurricane heads this way. That's the typical procedure.
However, this is the End of Days Hurricane Season. Already the National Weather Service has predicted bunches of named storms and a few of them are sure to be major. Normally when they say that we just roll our eyes because its business as usual, but what with the apocalypse and all, I'd best be taking this seriously.
Fortunately, preparing for a hurricane is a lot like preparing for zombies. Your best bet it still get as far away from them as possible. However, doing things like getting plenty of supplies in the house and boarding up your windows is still a good idea. I'll be putting up the boards later today. I even painted "The End is Upon Us!" on one that's going to face the neighbors across the street. Figure, its best to warn them, that and now I won't have to looks at their house.
I do wonder if the zombies are prepared for a hurricane. I don't imagine the shambling dead being overly concerned with anything that doesn't directly involve the flesh of the living. However the thought of 50 to 60 mile per hour winds knocking zombies over the street is a pretty amusing mental image. The wet pavement under them making them slip would make for extra hilarity. Unfortunately, I'll never get to see it, what with my windows boarded up and all.
The NWA (Neighborhood Watch Association) has made its preparations for the End of Days. Of course, by preparations I mean the guys made a beer run. We're not terribly worried about supplies since we have an armored personnel carrier and can fit plenty of beer in the back. It served us well during Snowpocalypse last winter. Yesterday was quiet in the court. We fed the chickens. Fed the fish. Fed the resident wiener dog. There was a bar-b-que. The steaks combusted. This was a bad omen.
Y'know, I try to keep up with these here bad omens, but steaks combusting if a pretty nefarious one. I like steak! Stupid End of Days is trying to deprive my of my favorite noms! Now I'm scared to open up the bag of Cheetos in the pantry.
Then there was the cornholing. Because if its all over there's not better way to wait for the end than to cornhole.
You know, that game with the board with hole in it. You try to toss the beanbags in. Kinda like a sissy version of pitchin' horseshoes.
What were you people thinking?
I didn't take part in it. I was pretty tired what with all the doom approaching. Doom approaching will indeed wear a fella out. So I went to bed early. Figured it would be a pretty peaceful way to go, but sure enough I had to go and wake up this morning.
Just a little uplifting number to get your End of Days started.
Y'know, I saw an article that read "Sarah Palin buys house in Arizona, reignites 2012 talk" and wondered to myself how she factored into that Mayan prophecy. Imagine how silly I felt once I clicked the link and saw it was just about an election. That's going to do it for me. If you don't here from me again, when the zombies have risen up, and we lost power so I can't blog about zombies rising up. Pesky zombies.