So, where are my glasses, and why aren't they on the nightstand? The answer is simple, really.
You see, despite being poor, white trash I am a powerful and feared individual. When you possess the mountain of importance that I possess you become a target for those you either want your power or those you horrible things to to gain power. I know the Anti-Nozz protests have for the most part been peaceful, but there are a few kooks out there. I wouldn't put it past any of them to break into my house while I was asleep and steal my glasses in an effort to make me more vulnerable. There has been no less than five assassination attempts on me while I sleep, but since I am the illegitimate son of Keith Richards I cannot be killed by conventional weaponry. The Missus is spared from any such attempts as she looks so darned cute when she's asleep.
Now without my glasses I believe my detractors will believe me vulnerable and will soon enough call me out into the street to face them in unarmed combat pitting their fighting skills and martial arts prowess against mine as most of my detractors are ninjas. There was a heavy contingency of pirates in the mob too, but they pissed off after I kicked their drunken asses. Pirates suck. They kept whining about how things would have gone different if we were at sea. Buncha Marys.
Back to the ninjas, those glasses stealing sons of bitches. They're all pissed off because I've said online repeatedly how much ninjas suck and how they can't fight their way out of a wet paper bag. Please note that them stealing my glasses is only reaffirming my statements that they can't fight worth a damn. And if they think for one moment that I won't beat eight shades of shit outta them without my glasses then they're in for a surprise.
You don't see the hippies pulling stupid stuff like this. I'm sure they're busy bitching about corporations, trying to get the government to run everything, and being miserable bastards about everything. They keep right on complaining between joints and only really get nasty around Christmas time since they worships trees and no one ever gets them presents for Arbor Day. This right here is why we can't legalize marijuana, because if we did we could round up potheads and beat them with hoses no more. Nothing puts a spring in your step like beating a pothead with a good rubber hose.
Screw this. I'm going to go find the prick ninja that stole my glasses and thump him proper. Too bad ninjas are such a secretive bunch as the YouTube video of this would be awesome.
Sure enough I've gotten my glasses back. Ninjas, as I always say, are a bunch of sissies. Unfortunately, I got my glasses back just in time to see pictures from the impending Spider-man film.
Great. I get my glasses back just in time to gouge my eyes out.
Big weekend in sports this weekend. I hear there's a football game being played somewhere, but the heck with that. It was fight night last night. It was a little bittersweet for me. Anderson Silva kept his title, which annoys me because I don't really like the guy, however he won it with one of the techniques which I constantly stress the importance of to my students. Its pretty much me feeling validated in what I teach, I just wish his opponent was the one who threw it.
But more fun was watching the co-main event. It was another case of me liking both the fighters so whoever won I was happy. Rich Franklin is a class act and one of the top fighters in the world. Forrest Griffin is a big goof, and lots of fun to watch. We all have a soft spot for ol Forrest. His self deprecating attitude and sheer love for what he does makes him quite a character. He's a former champion, and that's due to another thing I always preach to my students: practice.
Forrest is one of the hardest working guys in mixed martial arts. They've had to kick him out of the gym and take his keys away to make him go home. Franklin also is incredibly dedicated and trains hard. So this made for a great fight that went the distance and both guys giving it their all for three rounds. Forrest won by decision, which was well deserved and hard earned, but what happened after the fight really stand out.
He didn't toot his own horn. He didn't trash talk. He didn't even plug his book (Joe Rogan did it for him). Before his hand was raised he and Franklin were smiling and joking with each other. It was like two guys at the dojo who just got done with a fun sparing session. That's the kind of attitude you like to see. That's what makes it a real sport and not a spectacle. This isn't guys in their back yard brawling anymore. That looks more like this.
OK, maybe not exactly like that. Still, hats off to Forrest Griffin for being and entertaining fighter and being a great dude to be a fan of.
Time for a bump and grind number.
That's the whole nine yards for today. Everyone enjoy the Super Bowl tonight. Stay safe. We'll see y'all Wednesday.