Bieber's Cowboy Caterpillar Crisis!

Great Caesar's Ghost, its Friday, July 30, 2010, and I'm talking weird smack lately.

Putting the kids to bed...

"If you don't get in those beds and stay in them so help me I'll whup you both until you have to repeat pre-school!"

Dealing with cashiers...

Cashier: "How are you today, sir?"

Me: "I dunno. I had all these plans for today, but some guy rocketed to Earth as a baby from a doomed planet keeps screwing up everything? That ever happen to you?"


Right now Lex Luthor is so much cooler than Superman its not even funny. ACTION COMICS #891 was the read of the week. Bobby Fresh was stunned that he was picking up a Superman book this week when I saw him at Kings. We all told him "Its not a Superman book. Its a Lex Luthor book and its awesome." Paul Cornell is just kicking complete ass on this. Right now the main Superman title is boring as hell, and really needs to take some cues from what's going on here. While Straczynski has Superman walking around dealing with "real world issues" and being kind of a douche about it, Cornell has Luthor matching wits Mister Mind in a COWBOY CATERPILLAR CRISIS! It a completely wild and all out fun tour through the brain of Lex Luthor, as well as offering a bit of a tribute to the entire Bruce Wayne bouncing through time bit. Read it, because its awesome. And Robo-Lois rules.

Quick note to anybody who wants to step up with an argument about how Straczynski's run is superior because of the realism it brings to storytelling and the intellectual content: Fuck off. If I want realism, I'll watch the news, or the History Channel. These are comic books. Superhero comic books. I want big damn action! I want asses kicked! I want evil thwarted, or at least being really freaking fun to watch. I don't want a guy who wrestled the King Angel of the Bullhost and sang the God of Evil into submission walking down the street being utterly pedestrian. OK, that note wasn't so quick.

BATMAN: THE RETURN OF BRUCE WAYNE #4 hit this week as well. The mystery of the time traveling Dark Knight goes gun-slinging as he goes up against Jonah Hex. Each issue has dealt with Wayne reclaiming an different aspect of what made him Batman. This time it dealt with his grit and dogged determination to see evil doers brought to justice. The veil is lifted a bit as we see some more clues as to The Black Glove's role in things. There are two things bothering me. Both are minor. First, we haven't seen anything of Rip's Rescue Rangers in two issues and last we left them the universe was ending. Second is the art. Not that I don't like Georges Jeanty's artwork it's just that there's so much going on and a lot of it is visual clues that I wish there was one artist to make picking up on things easier. But the tale moves onward, and so does Wayne, which may be a good thing because those super villains ain't resting while he's gone.

Speaking of Batman, DETECTIVE COMICS #867 started a new storyline which has me hooked in. David Hine is a bit hit and miss with me, but when he's got me, he's got me good. This story has nothing to do with the Morrison "The Once and Future Batman" story, so readers can jump right in. I dig it because there's a team-up with The Question that makes it look really natural like it happens all the time. I also like that we've got Scott McDaniel drawing Batman again. I loved his NIGHTWING run, and his art isn't to everyone's taste, but I've always thought he was a great fit in the Bat-corner of the DCU.

On to unpleasantness. I read WONDER WOMAN #601 so now you don't have to. This story is crap. Its actually worse than the Jodi "Derp, I dunno how to pump gas, derp" Piccoult run. Its like a really lousy Elseworlds story. And I know this isn't permanent and once this runs a ways things will be set right with WW's proper origin restored, but really we don't need to see the character drug through the gutter for people to realize how special the character is. Last issue Gail Simone gave us "Keep faith, trust to love, fight with honor, but fight to win." This month Straczynski gives us "I'm going to kill them. I'm going to kill all of them." That's on top of Hyppolyta committing suicide by jumping to a fire and burning to death as she cursed her enemies, and a thug dressed a clown in an ice cream truck expressing a desire to shoot a little boy.

Shame on you J. Michael Straczynski. Shame on you for making me leave this comic which I used to support with every bit of my geek heart.


Sitting around the house the other day I did some channel surfing. The loin spawn were distracted by toys so I was happy to watch something besides PBS. I landed on The Ellen Show where there was some kid on the piano getting ready to sing. People were cheering and young girls were going bonkers. The song was lame and ridiculous that some 11 year old was singing about a girl breaking his heart when he looks like he's still slightly worried about cooties. And of course he's coming out with an album. It quickly became obvious that this kid, Greyson Chance, was created in a lab in Hollywood to replace the aging Justin Bieber.

Let's face it, Bieber ain't getting any younger. He can't keep posing on those Tiger Beat covers forever. Heard a rumor he's actually driving now and this won't do. Won't be long until he's just another burned out has-been hanging onto his past as he's mistaken for a lesbian.

Chance has every advantage over Bieber. He made is big splash singing a Lady Gaga song so that's going to attract the weirdos thinking this kid has depth and soul because they think Lady Gaga music has some mysterious brilliance to it. He's got a much cooler name, which is totally wasted on a pop star and would better suite an action movie star or comic book character. Imaging preparing to due epic battle with Greyson Chance and then actually seeing the kid. It would be a bit of a let down. You prepare to do epic battle with Justin Bieber and you know just from the name that the battle is going to be less than epic. Much less.


I dumped Facebook a while back and I'm really glad I did. More people's info got leaked to the public. Just remember this: anything you put on Facebook will be made available to public. Forget privacy settings. They're worthless. If there is something you don't want out in the public eye you're better off keeping it off the web altogether.


I'm going to continue to give you people a break from my taste in music and mine a little more from Pickle's Pantry Parlour! Enjoy.

That's it for today. Remember: TGIF. Tiny gnomes in fuchsia.

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