I <3 Vampires

I wasn't originally going to call this this little rant that, but I in my morning web-browsing I found an ad completely at random but that title and it seemed like fate. And if that title seems odd coming from a guy who just made fun of "Twilight" one post ago, then read on and all will be revealed.

I like vampires, really. They're great villains. You can kill them off in the required gruesome fashion and not feel bad about it. I've tried to write them as protagonists and even once attempted to write one as a sympathetic character. It just didn't fly. It boils down to one very important thing: I can't bring myself to care about the dramatic immortal plight of something higher than me on the food chain. Let's face it, they're pretty much zombies without the skin problems and better articulation.

The whole 'they live forever see the ones they love grow old around them' doesn't fly, because in all likelihood the ones they love would end up dinner. I did see a t-shirt with a line on it from what I presume was the 'Twilight' movie: "Your scent is like a drug to me." I imagine the actor delivering the line made people swoon with is urgent and longing acting as he used it to win the heart of girl in the film who meets him and despite the fact that potential he's gonna kill her cannot stay away. (And if this isn't the case in the movie, please don't comment to correct me, because I don't care.) If this is indeed the case, I can see why the vampire in question is so smitten with her. He's got no game and she's obviously stupid. It's a match made in Beverly Hills 90210.

So, if this is the case then how do I feel about Angel and Spike from Joss Whedon's series BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER and ANGEL? I approve of these for a few reasons. Primarily, Whedon is wise enough to make fun of the whole brooding immortal bit in many other characters telling Angel "He should get out more" or the like. Also, there's nothing 'sexy' about vampirism in these shows. You lose your soul and become infested by a demon. Your face twists into something monstrous when you feed. The feeding itself isn't the trading fluids/metaphor for sex cliché either. It's a nasty predatory affair.

So pop culture aside, let's go literary. I tried to read Anne Rice's vampire books. Got bored into a coma and missed 1997. Thanks Anne. So, back up the trolley further to Bram Stoker's DRACULA. This piece struck the precarious balance between the vampire as the seducer and the monster. He was evil as the night is long no doubt about it. He was also an evil that liked girls; preferably young, hot ones. There's no conflict about bumping off because if you don't he's either going to kill you, bang your girlfriend before killing her or both in whatever order is convenient.

So, with the current vampire fad rampant with a certain recent DVD release, am I worried that the current piece of fiction I'm writing won't fair well because there's vampires in it that are evil? Nah. End of the day, vampires are great bad guys and nine times out of ten really lame goods guys. So, get out the garlic and stakes.