BAIL OUT!

The following is completely true, except for the parts that aren't.

With our troubling economic times it seems like everyone is taking a hit. The comic industry is no exception.

"We're pretty sure that the country's economic woes are the real reason COUNTDOWN didn't sell as well as we hoped." said Dan DiDio, DC Comics editor-in-chief.

The problems did not stop there, as Marvel was having it's own troubles making sales. "I don't get it." cried Marvel editor-in-chief Joe Quesada, "Three movies, a cartoon series, and his likeness on everything and SPIDER-MAN just isn't selling? What the hell?"

"The government has to do something." Remarked DiDio. "We're too big to fail. What would the world be without Superman?" Despite the fact that this question was answered by the storyline following the "Death of Superman", DiDio remained adamant that society is not ready to face this possibility. To try to get in the good graces of the folks on Capital Hill, DiDio and Quesada both are looking to whatever it takes to try to get a piece of the bailout pie.

"We're going green!" announced DiDio. "We'll only be using recycled storylines from now on! In fact, expect Clark and Lois to get a visit Neron next year."

"You can't do that!" cried Quesada.

"Why not?"

"Because we ripped off 'One More Day' from the storyline where Neron tried to steal the love between Wally and Linda West... I mean... nuthin'..." Quesada said and them promptly left the room for a potty break. He returned moments later much more composed. "We've already gone green over at Marvel!" he proclaimed, but then asked to retract that proclamation upon being informed that having Skrulls all over the place doesn't count.

They did meet with some opposition at getting bail out funds from the Government as President-elect Obama felt that money should be taken from them and given to smaller companies, because 'spreading the wealth is a good thing'. The President-elect quickly changed his mind after DiDio and Quesada offered to create a massive crossover event revealing that Lex Luthor and Doctor Doom both receive orders from radio talk show host, and TV personality Sean Hannity. Obama did seem a bit more cozy with the Marvel contingent.

"I don't know why." said Quesada. "He just seemed more comfortable with people willing to deny the existence of twenty year long relationships."

Only time will tell if any bail out money goes to either of the companies. It's my hope that these companies do make it because should they fall Lord only knows what Geoff Johns and Brian Bendis would do with all that time on their hands.