COMBAT SPOOOOOOON!

Its Friday, October 1, 2010 and welcome to it. The rain has stopped, the flood waters are going down. I spent yesterday at the house pretty much watching the sky fall and being glad that my yard has excellent drainage. About ten inches of rain came down here.

Guess I don't wave to wash the car now right?

SIZE MATTERS!!

Comics as a medium has a lot of options in storytelling. One of the biggest decisions to make as a writer is the scale of your story. This is a tricky situation because if you go to small your story gets cramped. You go too long and it can get slow. You don't want to leave cool, important stuff out, but at the same time you don't want to beat your reader's head in with every last detail.

Quick overview of what we have to play with.

*One shot. This is a story that takes one issue to tell. Very accessible to readers. (ex: GLOBAL FREQUENCY, EMIKO SUPERSTAR)

*Short arc. Story that takes about two to four issues to tell. Either inside an existing ongoing title or as a stand along mini-series. (ex: THE SKYROCKET, "Days of Future's Past" for UNCANNY X-MEN)

*Longer arc. Takes about six issues. Often done in the Geoff Johns write-to-the-trade model. (ex: BLACKEST NIGHT, "Terminal Velocity" from THE FLASH)

*Mega-arc. Number of issues approaches or hits double digits. (ex: CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS, MARVEL SUPER HEROES SECRET WARS)

*Long form. This story takes place over years of issues, typically a 'run' by a particular writer. Often contains arcs of various lengths. (ex: Grant Morrison's BATMAN storyline, TRANSMETROPOLITAN)

Problems arise when forces aside from the writer attempt to monkey with things. This brings us to editing. Editing, done properly, means identifying areas of the story that need a bit of reworking. Sometimes that means cutting a scene that's kind filler and not important. Sometimes it means having the writer go back to add something to the story. A good editor streamlines things to make sure that the story is the best it can be and told well.

And then there's the bad editing. This is things like butchering a story because of their personal vision, or making demands of the a writer to do something that's just wrong for the story. Let's take the aforementioned Morrison Batman story. Morrison is busy telling this grand story and a major chapter in the story catches the eye of a particular editor. The chapter is R.I.P. which gets the editor all excited because he wants to know how Batman dies. After repeated explanations that Batman does not die in the story the editor tells Morrison to end the story with a helicopter crash creating the illusion that Batman dies.

Why do this?

To turn this into an 'event'. The type of event that means the editor can go to writers of other books and tell them to include stories reflecting the events of the event. The results are a bunch of books about the apparent death of Batman reflected from the story in which nothing of the like happened. It becomes stupid in that you have all these different books which don't add to the narrative they're being forcibly tied to, AND what they are referencing is false. The tie-ins gave the impression that Batman was gone for a significant amount of time when in fact he got home the next morning.

There's also storylines that get stretched out to try to sell books, but really need to just run their course. A writer gets an idea for something that would be cool for a couple of issues, but that gets stretched into much longer arcs in an attempt to cash in. This forces the writer to try to make his idea interesting to the point that is can sustain running longer. Unfortunately this typically leads to just jumping the shark and turning off readers.

Editing is not a simple job. You've got to stay objective and in touch with both the storytellers and the readership. Most important, you've got to put aside a lot of your personal biases and do what's right for the project. Let the story come out properly instead of making demands for crap that just won't work. That's how we got COUNTDOWN.

COMIX!!

I would like to personally thank Paul Cornell for making my week in comic book reading awesome.

COMBAT SPOON!!! GIANT COMBAT SPOON WIELDED BY A GIANT MONKEY!!!

THIS IS BY FAR MY BESTEST NERDY WEEK EVER!!

Yes, ACTION COMICS #893 hit the shelves this week, and Paul Cornell rules this book so hard that I never want Superman to star in it ever again, I just want Lex Luthor and his sidekick Robo-Lois to stomp around all over the DCU and awesome forever and ever. This time Lex is up against Super Gorilla Grodd... and his Combat Spoon. The Missus is curious if Luthor expected this as he expected the Cowboy Caterpillar Crisis.

I want a Combat Spoon so freaking bad I might explode.

And yes I know gorillas are not monkeys and are an entirely different species, but I don't really care because monkeys are inherently funny.

Lex continues his quest for a Power Ring, and gets some results, as well as gets shot.

On a side note: I'm pretty sure I prefer Robo-Lois to real Lois at this point.

Yes, this has been my most disjointed review of anything to date, but I'm having trouble forming coherent sentences in the face of the awesome.

Pulling it together for a moment this issue is getting a bit of extra notice from folks due to the new back up feature starring Jimmy Olson. Its not Jimmy drawing folks in so much as its the official induction of SMALLVILLE character Chloe Sullivan in the DCU continuity. Fortunately, the story isn't just a fluff piece hoping to get by on the Chloe inclusion, its a pretty cool bit. What does Superman's pal do when Superman is off being lame? He gets up off the couch and starts being interesting. I'm very interested to see where this is going.

On over to DETECTIVE COMICS #869 and the fake Joker story continues. Honestly, this story his pretty much run its course. There's another issue to go after this and if the Fake Joker and the Fake Batman are not the same person I don't know anymore. That's the only way this story can not be a random mess. Sure, Fake Batman might be one of the cops, but that just makes the whole thing too random. This story is full of continuity holes to the point of I've shoved it off to the Hine-verse where it can't touch anything else to confuse me. I like Scott McDaniel's art. I know there's a lot of people who don't, but I loved his NIGHTWING run and I like his Bat-stuff. Its definitely not for everyone, but I was the best thing about the book for me.

Last up is FIRST WAVE #4 and I don't know why I'm not into this book more. Brian Azzarello is a great writer, and is doing this book well. I love Rags Morales's art. I dig the characters. I'm looking past batman using guns as best I can. For some reason this series isn't coming together for me, which sucks because it's not a bad book at all. I think this book will read beter once I have all the issues and can read them in one sitting. Some stories are just better read that way. Still, The Spirit is fun, Doc Savage is pretty damned tough, there's plenty of action, and a good mystery going. I'm still on board.

21st CENTURY DISCRETION

Privacy is an important thing. Its something that is to be protected. People routinely give up their privacy online in the popularity contest that is social media. Still, its their choice and they bear the brunt of the responsibility for what they put online. So when two assholes used a webcam to out a student online its serious. Its even more serious in that the outed student jumped off a bridge.

What the two students did was illegal. They videoed the guy without consent having sex. That charge carries jail time and I hope the judge throws the book at them. There's a lot being made of this by the gay community saying its bullying and making a big out cry over it. They're justified. This deserves attention.

I don't care about this guy getting outed so much as I care about his privacy being violated. If he wanted to be discrete with his sexuality, that's his prerogative. But we live in a world where cameras are everywhere. Its not even security cameras anymore. Cameras are on computers. The cheapest cell phones have cameras. Anything you say and do can be recorded. You can see my front yard on Google maps complete with my car. Discretion in these times is important. I'm not saying the poor guy who was the victim of this incident is at fault in any way, but there's an important lesson to be learned here.

Keep your eyes open for the eyes that may be on you.

TECHNOLOGY!!

I see stories like this pop up every few years. Exo-skeleton, often created by military R&D, which get compared to the Ironman armor despite not being as shiny. Still, its pretty neat.

MUSIC!!

In a world where "artists" can have so much style that it can be mistaken for actual substance its good to have some artists that can recognize important things. Like three words being the watermark for the human experience.



That's all for today. Have a good weekend. I'm going to make my Christmas list, and ask Santa for a Combat Spoon.

Manny Fresh has no ordinary glowing balls, my goodness!

Look out, now! It's Wednesday, September 29, 2010, and its a swamp out there. The dry weather had stayed a bit too long. I wasn't walking through my lawn, I was walking on top of it. It was nice for our annual Beach Workout, but I'm glad to see the rain. I just hope it stops in time for our karate demo at the church on Saturday.

The beach workout was good. Got sandy, got wet, got tired. All of these in a good way. The waves were a bit choppy and there was a pretty strong rip current. Perfect for training. There are pictures. Too many of them feature me with my shirt off. You won't be seeing them. You're welcome.

HE LIVES!! For now...

Manny Fresh has survived the weekend. The alleged e-girl did not show up. "Cupcake" though has still struck a blow against Manny, in that she seems to be trying to drive a wedge between Manny and the rest of the Mike and Bob Show. It got to the point to their producer, Chaps, getting angry with Manny. She claims she did not appreciate the jokes that were made about the entire situation. Either she's never heard the show before or this is a strike to try to facilitate the destruction of Manny Fresh.

I was listening to this on my way to work and called the show to voice my concerns. I'm not a regular caller. I've called a few times. I'm spoken to Bob fresh more at the comic shop than I have on the air. I explained my theory and how I thought this woman was a plant in part of a conspiracy to destroy Manny.

Mike Powers has thought the exact same thing for about a month.

All of this girl's Facebook friends are Manny's friends. A bit odd for someone living in an entirely different state. She's told him everything he wants to hear, but now that he's on the hook, she's trying to turn him against the show.

These are dangerous times for Manny Fresh.

TV: NO ORDINARY FAMILY

ABC rolled out the one new show that I've been waiting for last night: NO ORDINARY FAMILY. The show stars Michael Chiklis (THE SHIELD, FANTASTIC FOUR) and Julie Benz (BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, ANGEL) as parents of a family that's coming apart, but an accident brings them together by way of giving them super powers.

This show was absolutely amazing.

Chiklis plays Jim, a police sketch artist who is passionate about two things, helping people and his family. Unfortunately his family has grown apart. His wife Stephanie is a successful scientist who does important research which keeps her very busy. The son and daughter are teenagers, so their interest in doing stuff with their folks is minimum. The daughter is more interesting in texting. The son is a bit of a slacker who prefers playing video games. It is revealed though that it son, JJ, has a learning disability and his frustration with it has led to his slacking in school. Interesting twist.

The show wastes no time getting to the accident in the Amazon jungle that gives them their powers, and still manages to give us a definite feel for for what's going on with these people. It was very well done. Chiklis and Benz gain super strength and super speed respectively. Later their daughter, who seems obsessive about texting gains telepathy, which is fitting. While her parents really dig their powers, Daphne is less than thrilled about hers.

Jim tells his his best friend and they experiment with his new abilities as well as plan for Jim to use his powers to fight crime. This was an absolute joy to watch. They looked like they were having an absolute blast and that enthusiasm was contagious.

There was a bit of action too as Jim tries to stop a thief who had no problem putting a bullet into anyone who tried to stop them. Jim's final confrontation with him led to a revelation that I never saw coming and led to one of the most awesome fights I've seen on television. I was completely slacked jawed and pinging off the walls watching it.

So I'm all in for this one. Great show. Great cast. Well written. Awesome special effects. This show is a big winner.

NOM NOM NOM!!!

There are superhero snack cakes coming to the shelves at convenience stores near you. Superheroes and Hostess have a long relationship as it was the one page mini comics featuring superheroes foiling crimes by use of snack cakes which led to me long battled addiction to Twinkies. For some reason admitting you have an addiction to Twinkies doesn't get you a lot of credit in AA meatings. I'm still convinces that the creamy filling is infused with cocaine.

Small problems though.

The Flash cakes have red dye in the frosting. That's bad for kids. Sooooooo, you shouldn't be letting your kids eat them. Not that these things are healthy in any way shape or form.

And then there's the Green Lantern "Glo-Balls." I wouldn't eat them anyways because I hate coconut. However, Missus Nozz put it best, "I didn't need to know Green Lantern's balls glow, and I certainly wouldn't want to eat one."

Cue Issac Hayes here.

RIP HUNTER, PARTY OF ONE?

Yes my mind goes off to weird places. If you're surprised by that then you obviously haven't been reading this blog very long. I watched this video:



Which was relevant to me because I had just seen my former boss who was doing some stuff for the annual Church Bazaar. And of course he was doing thing "chronologically". This is his favorite made up word in that he says it when he means "systematically". To do something not "chronologically" would involve a time machine. And even then the things he did do would still be in chronological order to him, if not for the rest of us.

You ever try to explain subjective chronological order to a bunch of roofers at 7:30 in the morning? Its a load of fun, let me tell you.

When you try to us big words to make yourself look smart without knowing what they mean: you loose.

And when you try to make a point on the internet and spell "loose" instead of "lose" then English had better not be your first language because then you have no reason for being unable to use mono-syllabic words aside from being a moron.

MUSIC!!

They were on Austin City Limits last weekend, so you're getting a big dose of the Avett Brothers this week. You're welcome.



That's the ball game for today. See Y'all Friday. I'm going to go enjoy the rain.

Disregard: I've gone mad.

It's Sunday, September 26, 2010. I'm in a mood.

Or five.

Maybe six.

PLOTTING...

I'm plotting against my fellow man in what could be an attack of art and writing to shift the social paradigm to a slightly madder and much more acceptable level.

I've had it with the e-zombies tweeting and Facebook updating their boring mundane little lives into my pop culture peripheral.

If you want your life to be worthy content, then do something content worthy.

Have an adventure.

Have an original, interesting thought for Christssakes!

You are the star of your life story, so go be a star.

There is a conspiracy against you.

I'm the bastard behind it.

I will do things to screw with you for the sheer sake of making the world weird and less boring.

I'll spin utter nonsense into the plausible for expressed purpose of jarring your brain in different directions.

I am a memetic concussion.

You are riding the shockwaves of the mad thoughts that generate in my reptilian brain, filter through the alternate dimension that I created through my will, and ping off everything you see and hear.

The mountain of self importance I possess can crush politicians.

I am the Biochemical Nightmare Revolver.

Dodge my bullets.

I dare you.

HOPING...

I'm just about fed up with the radio. Mike and Bobby are entertaining, but I only get to hear about a half hour of them. The Political Battle Royale with Ham and Cheese has become a bit tiresome on talk radio. That's even with Stephen Colbert holding court in front of Congress.

I need a new album to come out, and I need it to be good. Yes, I know I'm an e-troglodyte and albums are nearly an outmoded thing being replaced by songs cherry-picked online and downloaded into easily lost devices.

I keep going back to that My Chemical Romance video with Grant Morrison in it and hope like hell its an insane concept album of the quality of "Welcome to the Black Parade", but trading in the the exploration of impending death for a mad musical battle in the spirit of SIX STRING SAMURAI. My mind has already filled in the pieces to the story of the Fabulous Killjoys.

I want this album to live up to the story I've created for it.

Screw "hope and change" promised by a pop star who would be king.

Gimme hope for some damn good rock-n-roll. The kind that begs you to find open roads with no speed limits and a car with a fuel tank of gas.

I hope for art.

MOCKING...

Nothing like celebrities to make me feel better about myself. It used to be the big names invoked envy among us poor folks who got work bust our butts to set our tables. Now look at them.

Paris Hilton isn't being allowed into countries, deemed as an "undesirable". That's hot!

Lindsey Lohan didn't pass GO! or collect $200. Apparently, she didn't need the 200 smackers or needed to roll doubles.

Debates rage over who is a bigger scumbag: Mel Gibson or Charlie Sheen. The winner? Sheen publicist.

Idolatry is dead.

WORKING...

"Why did you stop drawing?" was the question that got posed to me this week. Might have something to do with 40 hours or labor and topping it off with hours of Karate are getting to me. My hands are sore and occasionally shake a bit depending on what I've been doing. No that shaking bit is not a warning sign of some horrible neurological problem which should prompt you people to comment and tell me to go see someone about it. Its the result of working with power tools for hours at a time. You grind cement off a couple hundred tiles or sand a wood floor that's older than indoor plumbing into an acceptable appearance and your hands would shake too.

But I haven't been drawing, which should be obvious by know as this post makes it sound like I've gone off the deep end. That's what happens when I'm not drawing. I go nuts. So I might have to do a bit of sketching just to keep the boys in the white coats away. Then its back to the salt mines.

Although if this blog takes weird turns you now know what's up. That or I'm screwing with all of you. I'm in one of those moods which makes me want to start Facebook accounts and just torment any poor soul would tries to friend me there with impossible updates.

I'll drive them mad and call it "art". I wonder if that excuse still works on the authorities? "Yes officers I did make those updates. Why no, I never intended to start a riot with them. No, I didn't really run through downtown Norfolk naked and whack random people with lawn furnature."

Fun fact: Facebook can be used to obtain warrants for arrest. E-art is dangerous.

WATCHING...

The season premier of SUPERNATURAL was last night. This is the first season without the shows creator at the helm. I love this show, I truly do, but I just wasn't feeling it last night. Everyone played their parts. Parker Lewis joined the cast, and is looking good. Last I saw him, he had put on some weight. There's other new cast members.

The whole things just felt a bit too contrived. I completely bought into Dean in retirement. I was eager to find out how Sam, if it was Sam, returned. I'm OK with not having all my questions answered, but the new questions posed don't make me want to walk through the door to find out what's up. It felt like fan fiction. Eric Kripke left the show because he had told his five season long story. The Winchester Brothers stopped the apocalypse. Not a lot of places to go from there.

While the people who took the reigns are very capable, the premier left a lot to be desired. Foremost, what happened to Adam? He didn't even get mentioned. Ug. I really want this season to be good. It still could be, but its not off to a good start.

LISTENING...

Because if Batman played a musical instrument it would be a banjo!



That's it for today. I need to either drink a lot more or a lot less.

I'll let you know when I figure out.

The Black Glove closes on Manny Fresh!

Hoo boy. It's Friday, September 24, 2010, and in a startling change of pace I'm not ready for the weekend. Got the annual Beach Workout tomorrow and I'm still putting together what I plan on teaching.

However, someone else has much bigger problems.

MANNY FRESH R.I.P.

Previously I covered a plot against local radio personality Manny Fresh. I fear things may have progressed. I'm not sure he's going to survive the weekend.

At this time he prepared to meet someone who he knows on the internet that claims to be an old acquaintance that has reconnected with Manny via Facebook. That should raise a few alarms in and of itself, but more disturbing is that Manny has not executed his normal cyber jujitsu to properly vet this person. Combine this with recent events and I fear there may very well be a conspiracy to destroy Manny Fresh.

This Facebook person is allegedly a woman who is promising the one thing that is known to have power over Manny: weird sex. Manny has accepted the bait hook, line, and sinker. But could this alleged woman be the Jezebel Jett to Manny's Bruce Wayne? Could this be part of a larger ploy to utterly destroy our BatManny? His defenses have been dropped making him quite vulnerable. In fact he heading into this weekend's activities against the very vocal admonishments of the rest of The Mike and Bob Show.

There has already been a few cyber assaults on Manny which he has fended off in spectacular fashion. Unfortunately, I fear his Achilles heel. That early assault on the part of the Manny Fresh Sucks Guy could have been some early sparring to determine the extent of Manny's abilities. The moving of the radio show to the morning might be a Machiavellian ploy to deprive Manny of sleep thus impairing his judgment. And now over the last few weeks Manny has been lured into the cunning web of this e-black widow. And there's the ever present threat of Peter Criss Mask, who it the utter wild card in this equation.

This has to be one giant conspiracy. A trap that is so intricate that Manny is already caught. He just doesn't know it yet.

Will Manny Fresh survive the weekend? Will he have to call upon the assistance of his associated Hat-Club and The Silver Fox to aid him? Will he have to become the Manny Fresh of Zur En Arrg to survive? We'll have to wait until Monday to see if Manny is still on the show.

The suspense is killing me.

COMIX!!

Leading off with SUPERGIRL #56 which had our hero doing exactly what I like to see those wearing the red "S" doing: having big space adventures. Kara's off to try to save Bizarro World, which means some sweet Bizarro fun. Sterling Gates knocks it right out of the park in delivering out of the world adventure, but keeping our heroine emotionally real and grounded.

This storyline is a real treat. We have Supergirl working her way through some heavy emotional stuff. We have some really hysterical Bizarro stuff. And we have big nasty sci-fi world threatening stuff. I am typing 'stuff' a lot because my high English teacher Ms. Warren hates that word for inexplicable reasons known only to herself, and frankly none of us liked her.

This book did pull a bit of a stunt in its big reveal in that the art on the double-splash page is sideways. Well done stuff. It forces me to pay attention. That and the image is absolutely stunning.

On to LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES #5 in which we have Paul Levitz working really hard to redeem the Geoff Johns creation Earth-man who I think most of us wouldn't mind seeing get his ass kicked every other issue. This title is still winning me over. Its got a lot of overcome. I don't like the circumstances in which it came into being. I don't like that some good folks got screwed over in the deal. I definitely don't like the majority of the costume designs. Still, Levitz makes it a pretty enjoyable read.

THE SKYROCKET #3 hit the stores the week wrapping up Mike Federali and Os Petroli's freshman effort. We get some more world building. The working relationship between Sam and Agent Evans is firmly established. Oh and there's a mad scientist with tentacles coming out of his back who is trying to kidnap Sam and make her wear a sailor outfit. OK, I made that last bit up. Wanted to make sure you people were still paying attention. The story is pretty solid stuff as well as the art. It could use a bit more rendering, but I think Petroli is definitely on the right track. This series has done a good job of world building and there's tons of possibilities for it so I'm looking forward to seeing what's next.

I found ATOMICA #1 sitting on the shelf today and it seemed like a good reason to give something new a shot. My pull list has been hemorrhaging titles lately. This book has stopped the bleed. It’s light fun with the emphasis on science adventure. The origin story seems almost Silver Age with a scientist, Doctor Colluns, doing some experiment. There’s an accident and an explosion and when the smoke clears we have a girl with amnesia in the middle of it with an amulet that gives her super powers. The storytelling is almost hokey, but it’s saved from that by being so earnest. Our heroine mixes it up with would-be kidnappers and seems surprised by every new power she manifests. What is very refreshing is that Rose isn’t angsty over her plight. She doesn’t spend panel after panel and page after page going on and on about her lost memories or where she could have come from. Instead she shows the kind of guts and pluck that reminds me a lot of early issues of Erik Larson’s THE SAVAGE DRAGON. Sure, she has problems and questions about herself, which I’m sure will be dealt with in later issues, but for now Rose a.k.a. Atomica is on the scene and ready to help.

MUSIC!!

With all the excited of Manny Fresh's impending demise I need a little Pink Floyd to calm my nerves.



OK, that's it for today. Have a great weekend, and good luck to Manny. Hope you're alive and still have all your vital organs on Monday.

Dracula on the One Dollar Bill

BAH! Its Wednesday, September 22, 2010 and I'm in a foul mood. Perhaps its due to my computer not working properly for some unknown reason. But these things are to be expected. It could be I had to work under a house yesterday and the dead rats that were my only company were poor conversationalists. But work is work. Or it could be that my head is still a bit achy from my daughter's first attempt to take me out by slamming my head in the refrigerator.

Yeah, that's probably it.

I figured I'd have a few more years before my children tried to kill me by any means other than frustrating me to death. Apparently I should have known better than to try to cross a three year old who really wants some juice.

COMIX!!

Got an early look at DRACULA: THE COMPANY OF MONSTERS #2 and this book knows how to take its sweet time. This is not the type of pacing I expect in a comic book. By now we should be up to our eyeballs in a serious body count with guts and gore all over the place. Nope. Honestly the creepiest part was Evan coming to the horrible realization that there's no way out for him. Conrad has him completely at his mercy with this veiled threat of something horrible. Every time Conrad appears I get this feeling that something really bad is going to happen.

And bad stuff does indeed happen. In issue 1 we found Dracula's. This issue we see him return in quite the messy manner. Evan is trying his best to maintain his decency despite being demanded to do indecent things. Again we have the type of pacing I expect in a classic horror film. Dracula's return is a nasty affair, but it a spike in the action as the rest of the issue we continue building up slowly to something horrible. And that something horrible may indeed be on the way as the team in Europe that found Dracula's remains makes another find, and something definitely finds them.

I think the most striking thing here is the color and tone of this book. For the most part, it's not dark. Its bright and colorful and the very matter of fact in the storytelling. Usually with a horror comic its heavy on the ink. There's lots of shadows with very stylized art. Whenever I think horror comics, I think of Gene Colin's art on the old TOMB OF DRACULA comic Marvel did back in the 70s. This is a heavy departure from that and works well with the story. At face value, everything seems fine and dandy. However, as we venture into the wine cellar with Evan, we see that something terrible is taking place and its only a matter of time before its unleashed.

POP POLITICS!!

I knew this year was going to be absolutely ridiculous in the political arena, but I never thought I'd see this. That's right. The Democrats have given up trying to justify themselves. They know that they are about as popular as gout. They know nothing they've done to help the economy has helped. They know they have spent a ridiculous amount of money to the point that it'll be forever before we make a dent in the deficit. They've just thrown up their hands and said, "Yes, we are a bunch of assholes. No, we aren't going to change. But, the Republicans are still worse than us."

And our good old Pop Star-in-Chief is still banging away with his car in the ditch analogy despite that more and more people are realizing that its crap. If the Republicans did indeed drive the car that is America into a ditch, its the Democrats that dug the ditch and currently look like they're trying to bury the car.

This is insanity at the point I never thought I'd see. Sure, some folks say that both parties suck and one side is no better than the other. Still it was nice that the parties at least tried to give us the illusion that our country wasn't being run by a ginormous herd of schmucks. Its like they've just given up. They know that we, the filthy unwashed masses, are on to them putting their agendas ahead of what we want, and now that the genie is out of the bottle they don't know how to deal with it.

Trying to instigate class warfare by saying they're going after "the rich" with their tax hikes ain't cutting it. People right now just want to work and know they can keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. Those rich folks that're getting targeted are one's that can create jobs. So that's backfiring hard.

THIS ISN'T WHAT VOTING IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT, DAMMIT! This is supposed to be sending in our best and brightest to represent us. Its not supposed to be about having to settle for the person we think is going to screw us over the least.

They can't admit that they are wrong in what they are doing and have done. Trying to show off their achievements isn't working out because more and more people don't like what they've done. So its down to blatant finger-pointing and trash talking the other side.

I was wrong.

This isn't a Political Sumo Tournament.

This is straight WWE, Jack!

Under two months to go before the election and I've got a fiver that says someone tries to hit Christine O'Donnell with a folding chair before its all over.

EXTREME MAKEOVER: CASH EDITION

One more thing about the economy and then I'll shut up until someone else does or says something else completely stupid. A graphic designer claims that the best way to stimulate the economy is to redesign our currency. I'm not sure if he's joking. I really hope that he's joking. Still, I looked at some of the designs and most of them are pretty lame. Besides which, we just had a redesign on our currency. Please note the when this happened that the economy didn't receive any kind of boost from it.



There is a definite shift in how we spend, and I'm not talking about amounts, I'm talking about methods. There's less cash in motion and a lot more debit and credit cards. This of course makes me think about BATMAN BEYOND because (all together now) its really all about Batman. On the TV show they referred to currency as 'credits'. One episode had a girl on it searching frantically for a card with credits still on it to keep her car from getting towed. It makes me wonder whether or not we're heading in a direction in which society runs solely on credit and what you earn goes to pay into that credit.

For now though cash is still king. As I told radio superstar and comic writer Bobby Fresh as he waited to the phone line to be freed up so he could purchase his comics at Kings, "You can be as famous as it gets, but money talks."

JOB INTERVIEW

Cruising through the internet I found an job listing.

"WANTED: Individual for freelance security position. Hand-to-hand combat training a plus."

So I contacted the party who placed the ad and they got back to me pretty promptly, which was nice. After a bit of online back and forth I got lined up with a phone interview. It was with a very well spoken Englishman who referred to himself as Mister Smith. I thought it should be Smyth as he was English and pondered whether or not he had baggage.

He informed me that company I'm being considered for is subsidized by a Fortune 500 company. I was surprised I was already being considered, but they said they had their computer specialist already do a bit of digging on me. He also told me my record was a bit spotty, but they had seen and hired much worse.

He asked about my previous security experience. I told them about working the door at South Beach Grill. I also told them about managing to work in downtown Suffolk and not dying. That last bit impressed them as they said experience in dealing with hostile urban areas would be very beneficial to the position.

He asked about my martial arts training. He then told me my 25 years of experience in Karate would be a good start.

He of course made sure to ask if I had a valid driver's license, which I do. I informed him that I did also have my own vehicle, and he told me that was all well and good, but vehicles would be provided for the job.

He then inquired if I had much acting experience. I told him I played a weed in my 6th grade school play. No lines, but I did my own stunts. I could hear a bit of disappointment over the phone, but he told me that the company could work with that.

It was all very nice and pleasant and I think I made a good impression. He told me that he'd be in touch once the board had made a decision as to my application. He did have one question that may or may not be a deal breaker: "Would you be willing to move to Gotham?"

MUSIC!!

And now the video which is destined to be requested repeated by my children, which I will let them watch despite their attempts to kill me.



That's the ball game for today. If there's no post on Friday then the computer finally went tango uniform, I'm stuck under a house with dead rats, and the twin three year olds got the better of me in hopes of the insurance money being spent on a new Nintendo DS.

Maybe all of the above.

Problematic Piercing Procramations!!

Heads up, True Believers! Its Sunday, September 19, 2010 and this is your Nozz's Side. That's right, we're slam packed this time around with death threats, weird bastards, and stuff that makes cable look good.

And away we go!

RUN, MOLLY, RUN!!

Last May we had a nasty little affair called Everybody Draw Muhammad Day in which a bunch of morons created a bunch of LOLMUHAMMAD pictures in an ill conceived and completely counter productive strike for free speech. Now the originator of the idea, Molly Cooper, has been listed on a Fatwa of people a nutjob Imama says should be killed. The FBI has told Norris that she needs to disappear.

Here's the rundown. The assholes at Revolution Muslim threatened the creators of South Park for an episode that examined the ban on depictions of the Prophet Muhammad. The episode technically did not break the ban at all. There was a lot of public outcry against Revolution Muslim and they've pretty much been buried by public opinion. However, Cooper who justifiably upset about the threat against fellow cartoonist published a cartoon lampooning the ban which was a bit of counting coup on her part. She also called for Everybody Draw Muhammad Day.

At this point all hell broke loose.

Idiots rallied behind it. Facebook groups were created. It turned into a big thing, and Cooper tried to apply the breaks, but it was too late. We all say things in the height of passion that aren't the brightest things to say, but if you say them on Facebook, expect insanity. In fact I have a video on this blog in which Atheist Barbie calls Cooper a coward for trying to stop this thing.

The fallout was pretty epic. Countries banned social networking sites. There were rallies against "western blasphemy". Now we've got death threats and a woman whose career and probably identity is pretty much gone. She picked a fight that she could not win. She realized it was a bad idea. Unfortunately those behind her were stupid and off they went.

Yes, we do have a lot of freedoms in this country. Freedom comes with responsibility. EDMD was an abuse of freedom without regard to consequences. People didn't think things through. When Cooper did think things through it was too late. Credit to her for realizing it was a really bad and stupid idea. She obviously does not deserve a death threat.

Moral of the story: there are consequences to things you say, even on the internet.

SUBLIME PUNCTURING!!

A 14 year old girl caused a stir with the administration of her school over a nose ring. Nose rings are against the school's dress code. Sounds open and shut, right? Wrong. The family is going against the school claiming they are infringing on the girl's freedom of religion. You see they belong to the Church of Body Modification, and piercings and tattoos are their path to spirituality.

Of course these people are complete idiots and not to be taken seriously.

Now, there are religions out there in which tattoos and piercings hold a significance. However, this church is non-theistic, meaning they don't worship any particular deity. Their whole shtick revolves around gaining spiritual strength through doing things to their body which are really just ornamental.

I swear I can hear Warren Ellis laughing about this as I type.

Let's pull this apart. You have a bunch of people who want to use their bodies as canvasses. OK, fine. I appreciate a well done tattoo as much as the next fellow. But then we get into the excessive piercing, tattoos covering enough of their body to the point that they can't be concealed, and lets not forget those absolute morons who stretch their earlobes out to a disgusting degree. They do this without considering the future ramifications or just think that society will adapt and the weird shit that they'redoing to themselves will be acceptable.

Then the morons discover that they need a job.

Surprise, companies are not going to hire you for any position in which you have to interact with any sort of client if you look like a circus freak. Had a piece a while back about one guy who was lucky enough to get his ears reconstructed once he discovered he was unhirable after stretching his earlobes. Now, at this point I'm sure there's people out there who are wailing and gnashing there teeth saying this is all crap and its what's on the inside that counts. Tough tacos, kids. You can have all the training and skills in the world, but you are still judged to a degree by your appearance.

So schools and businesses have certain standards of appearance. Now we have people who either didn't consider this or want to buck the standards. They hit the brick wall and instead of realizing that they've been complete dunderheads about their choices they form a "church" and use Freedom of Religion as a shield to try to force their way past the standards. The school in the case of the 14 year old has already made their stand and pretty much called out the church as being a bunch of waterheads. Good for them.

Cute stunt, really. But let's face it. They brought their difficulties upon themselves and they're going to have to just deal with it.

TV: HELLCATS

I've spent the last few months being bombarded by ads for this show. It did not look like something interesting to me. The star of the show looks kinda weird, like a Michael Turner picture come to life. However, there really was absolutely nothing on the other night so I watched the whole thing.

This episode was an absolutely scathing in its depiction of motherhood. The episode in question dealt with both of the female leads, Marti and Savannah, having to deal with their mothers. Marti's mother is an incompetent embarrassment who does nothing but make Marti's life more difficult. Savannah's mother is a cold bitch who uses religion as a club to beat down her daughter and try to control her. Always heartwarming to see Christianity in such a light. Nice to know there is still a group we can heap scorn upon. Fortunately we have Savannah to contrast her mother who maintains her faith and still lives her life. Unfortunately in the previews for the next episode we see her being a drunken cliché. The episode made me think that the writers really need some couch time to suss out their mommy issues. It gave the distinct impression that both of the girls would be much better off without their mothers around.

This show does succeed in showing cheerleading as a sport, which it is despite what certain federal judges have ruled. It combines gymnastics, tumbling and dance choreography into something competitive. I like cheerleading. Yes, the over-abounding "spirit" can be a bit much for my tastes, but I fully appreciate the hard work that goes into creating and executing the routines. Not to mention the serious danger involved should something go wrong. They show how much work is put into this sport. They also show the work it takes to balance being a cheerleader with having to keep up with classwork.

What I don't dig is the ridiculous drama. There's the obligatory catty cheerleader who sabotages Marti. There's the horrendously bad subplot with the cheer coach and football coach. Frankly, there's more to be gained by cutting elements from the show than adding useless baggage. Its not a bad show, but its not a very good one. That has nothing to do with the people on the screen either. So, its off to an OK start, but I see it going down the tubes really fast.

MUSIC!!

Want to know the real reason why it's taken so long for BATMAN: THE RETURN OF BRUCE WAYNE to hit the stands? Its because Grant Morrison has been busy battling My Chemical Romance!!



That's it for this time around. Thanks to Paul Was for turning me on to our music for today. If there's no post on Wednesday, its because Chip Mosier has reached through the internet and choked the smarming life out of me.

Peace out, hippies!

Muppets are HaRdCoRe!!

That's right! It's Friday, September 17, 2010 and there's a whole lot of comic stuff going on up in here to get your weekend going. ONWARD!

COMIX!!

This week we kicked things into gear with BIRDS OF PREY #5. In the aftermath of the last storyline Black Canary accompanies White Canary to Bangkok saying she's quitting the team. Once recovered from being stabbed by the Penguin, Lady Blackhawk goes with Huntress after her to try to get to the bottom of thing. The result? Big street fight!

There's a lot of things in flux in the Bat-Universe that Birds of Prey orbits through like a fun little moon, and it seems that this book is caught a little in between that and the "Brightest Day" shenanigans. In fact the book has the little "Brightest Day" header at the top, which I suppose has to do with hawk coming back from the dead. There's a little scene with him and his late brother which I suppose ties into that story, but i don't really know because i have slightly less interest in "Brightest day" as I do in having my eyebrows waxed. At the same time we have Oracle moving her base of operations out of the Batcave and into Kord Towers. I suppose this is good because we wouldn't want Doctor Hurt blowing Dick's brain's out upstairs while Babs is in the basement doing her thing. It would just seem insensitive.

Gail Simone keep showing that it was ridiculous to ever have this book not be around. We also have artwork by Alvin Lee and Adriana Melo this time around which is a pretty big artistic departure from the previous issues, but not an unwelcome one. Still I go through each issue of the series wishing it was Nicola Scott drawing it. Oh well.

ZATANNA #5 also hit the stands this week. Paul Dini loves this character and its a bit overdue that she gets her own series. The book itself is pretty subtle. Yes you hav fire demons and a Lord of hell gunning for our hero, but the action isn't completely over the top. The real strength to this book is how likable Dini writes Zee. She's clever and fun which makes me want to see what she's up to and how she gets out of the situations she's in. He opponents are sneaky buggers, so its a case of Zee having to fend off threats from often unexpected directions. But what is magic without misdirection?

Last up is TINY TITANS #32 in which the lunch lady's kid starts school. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, except the lunch lady is Darkseid. We also discover that Li'l Barda helmets are all the rage in elementary school fashion. Parents keep this in mind, because halloween is coming and you wouldn't want your kid to be the only one on their block without a Li'l Barda helmet.

HaRdCoRe KIDDIE COMIX TOP 10!!

Recently I received a press release from the great folks of at BOOM! Studios, who send me such things because they love me. Amid the releases I found this gem:

MUPPET SHERLOCK HOLMES #1 – The bloody conclusion is at hand! Cole's past finally comes to light, but will it put the only family he has left into danger? On the brink of the end of the Civil War, there's just one last standoff between Cole and freedom. The final issue of the critically acclaimed series from the writer of the best-selling 28 DAYS LATER

This, of course, is the beginning of a new trend. BOOM has some of the best comics for kids around. They also produce incredible books for more mature readers. It only makes sense to combine the two. So what should you expect? Glad you asked!

10: In SHIRT TAILS the cute animals with their message creating shirts we all know and love are the last hope of an apocalyptic future as they carry messages from the resistance fighters against the robot uprising.

9: In the wake of the Deepwater Horizon explosion, All Star leads the surviving SNORKS against oil companies in daring eco-terrorist raids.

8: With nearly 100 guys vying for her affection, Smurfette is used to a lot of attention, but will Stalky Smurf go too far?

7: BOOM adapts A CLOCKWORK ORANGE starring THE WUZZLES.

6: Its Scrooge McDuck versus the IRS. Be there.

5: Its adventure and danger in the world of cutting edge science as THE LITTLES battle a nanotechology menace.

4: The MUPPETS take the stage at CBGB.

3: Is their whole world a lie? To help save their powers and magical land THE CARE BEARS have have to enter therapy after the cataclysmic disaster of Share bear declaring he needs a little "me time". Can things be set right or will the youth of the world become a bunch of selfish little bastards.

2: MICKEY MOUSE takes on the Elder Gods with a little help from his friends is DISNEY'S CTHULU TALES!

1: After Al Gore steals the limelight from his own environmental protection efforts, Captain Planet turns his back on his cause forcing the Planeteers to try to stop him before he trashes the world. That's right. CAPTAIN PLANET is IRRESPONSIBLE!

MUSIC!!

Been rocking out to The Offspring's AMERICANA and this is my favorite tune on there. Combine that with the fact I've been playing a lot of FINAL FANTASY lately and...



That's the shooting match of today. Enjoy the weekend, and see y'all Sunday!

Missus Nozz Weighs In

Mama Mia! Its Wednesday, September 15, 2010. Yes, the ides of September are upon us. The Missus had been quite vocal lately as I believe she's been exposed to a little bit too much pop culture now that she doesn't work night shifts anymore. Pop culture tends to do that to people.

THE ATTACK OF LADY REDUNDANT WOMAN!!

Missus Nozz was engaged in a lively debate with a former co-worker who was informing her that at the time you could get a blu-ray/DVD combo pack for a pretty good price. That's getting the same movie on DVD and on blu-ray in the same package. So the Missus asked the mighty question, "If you have a Blu-ray player, why would you want the DVD version?" Of course there was an attempt to justify such a purchase, but if blu-ray is the way things are going to gravitate to then there's no reason purchase the same movie in two different formats. They certainly didn't offer DVD/VHS combo packs now did they?

I'm in the DVD camp and firmly entrenched there. I like DVDs. Well, most DVDs. The ones that make you fast forward through the opening shillings for stuff instead of skipping them outright and going straight to the menu tick me off. That was what I really liked better than VHS. Still, the picture is nice a crisp and the sound quality is just fine. I don't need blu-ray, and won't be getting blu-ray until the machines are cheap as all get out.

However there is one really great thing about blu-rays: the people who bought into them and turned around and got the movies they already own on blu-ray even though those goofy machine will play the DVDs are selling their used DVDs back to stores because they have blu-ray disks now. And I love these people. I love them so. Its because of them that the used box at FYE is stacked an packed with great flicks for only a couple of bucks a pop. Watched BASIC with Travolta and Sam Jackson on DVD the other night. Awesome movie. How much did I pay for it? Four bucks.

THE MISSUS VERSUS VAMPIRES!!

"I'm done with vampires." She said to me as she got ready to for bed. We had just seen a preview for some movie about little kid vampires on TV which looked pretty gory.

"Oh yeah?" I replied. "Any exceptions to this?"

"Nope. Done with all of them." She replied after a moment which I presume was to run through a mental Rolodex of the thirsty undead. This is quite a statment coming from someone who wrote a report on Vlad Tepes in college. I guess its a good thing that we got through our viewing of ANGEL: Season 5 already. The vampire fad has really gotten out of hand. I used to really dig vampire stories and movies. Now the whole thing is so cliché.

The TV show THE GATES was on and since we don't have cable we figured we'd check it out. It all seemed weird enough for my liking. I spotted the guy who played Johnny Cage in the old MORTAL KOMBAT flick and that was cool. And sure enough about 12 minutes in: vampires. Again. That's right, we as a society have moved from "OH GOD! VAMPIRES!" to "Oh GAWD. Vampires. Again."

It would be so easy to blame TWILIGHT for all this. Actually, you know what? I'm calling an audible on the blog. I AM going to blame TWILIGHT for this! Those stupid books and those stupid movies with those weird looking people and that guy from THE ADVENTURES OF SHARK BOY AND LAVA GIRL who really needs to put on a damn shirt have completely ruined vampires. The market is saturated with vampire stuff. And most of it is stupid "oh its so tragic that they live forever but can't find true love" garbage that I want to drive a stake through the heart of those behind it. Last time I picked something up from Barnes and Nobles there was a table featuring "Teen Reading" and 95% of the book on it were vampire books. People in the store were no doubt wondering why I facepalmed right in the middle of the store.

Remember: if you love vampires, you're a necrophiliac.

If you're going to have stupid vampires in something at least put them on a Segway fleeing from Batgirl and Supergirl.

MUSIC!!

Today featuring one of the Missus's favorite songs to play on Rock Band!



That's the ball game for today. The WTF portion of the week is now in full swing. See y'al on the backside.

Double the insanity, Double the fun!

That's right, its Sunday, September 12, 2010, and there's a hole in my sock. The hole in my sock is Darkseid shaped.

COMIX!!

"Motherland" concludes in BATTLEFIELDS #9 with Anna put in a position she's very uncomfortable with: being in charge of six untrained pilots. In World War II Russia was hoping to crush the Nazis by sheer numbers, but that meant a lot of deaths. Garth Ennis is at his best writing these war stories so I can really recommend this series. Captain Anna Kharkova is a tough and talented pilot with the weight of the war weighing heavy on her. She's already lost her best friend. However there is hope as she's fallen for her commanding officer, who is quite smitten with her as well, but if they want to be together they have to survive the war. Its a tough, smart story and beautifully illustrated.

In BATGIRL #14 we get a stand alone story. This is the second in a row on the book, and its obvious that they're kind of biding their time until the big Grant Morrison Bat-epic comes around the bend because this book is going to have to deal with that. In the meantime, Batgirl teams up with Supergirl to confirm what I've been saying for months: 3D is the work of Satan. OK, maybe not, but a weird science glitch brings a bunch of "Draculas" off the screen, and so a merry adventure insues as the girls must stop them. Its a fun, light read. I'm not completely stoked with how Miller wrote Supergirl. He made her a bit more naive than I felt she should be. Still, this book is packed with a bunch of fun little moments that left me satisfied with the read.

On to the big one this week: BATMAN AND ROBIN #14. The Black Glove and Professor Pyg are looking to take over Gotham by way of a viral narcotic and the only one who can stop him is... The Joker?

OK, great issue top to bottom, now here's where I go completely down the rabbit hole.

This entire series has had The Joker moving against the Black Glove. He turned on him in "R.I.P." and has been actively looking to take out Doctor Hurt. The big question is: why the hell would he want to do that? Juxtaposing this to everything else that has been going on with the Grant Morrison "The Once and Future batman" epic, I have answer. And that answer gets very clear in this issue.

"I'm not mad at all. I'm just differently sane."

Darkseid created the "hole in things" with his fall. The "hole in things" is Doctor Hurt/The Black Glove/the Hyper-Adapter from the Ancestor Box. Time has been used against Bruce Wayne to create the ultimate trap, a trap that is his life. Circumstances have been altered to destroy him. However, Wayne has been actively fighting this programming the area that would become Gotham City making it possible for Batman to be created. Take all this information and apply it to Alan Moore's "The Killing Joke".

"Sometimes I remember it differently."

Could it be possible that The Joker was the first to see the "hole in things"? What if the origin we were presented by Moore is accurate? Could it be that the Hyper-Adapter somehow caused his pregnant wife to be electrocuted? The Hyper-Adapter, in an effort to make Bruce Wayne's life a horrible tragedy, created Wayne's greatest adversary who time and again brought misery upon Wayne and those he cared about.

But could The Joker have somehow realized this? Could the real root of his insanity be not being able to cope with seeing the hole in things, and now that he's seeing a physical manifestation of it he's fully focused on avenging himself against it for destroying his life as well? As Bruce Wayne programmed Gotham City to turn him into Batman to fight the Hyper-Adapter, The Joker has developed a "super sanity" which has turned him into a vicious terrorist able to strike at it. Sensing the trap was starting to close, he became "The Clown at Midnight" strike at the Black Glove. Now he's become "The Gravedigger" masterminding the siege against Doctor Hurt's efforts.

While I don't have any complains against this book or story, I do have one against DC and their announcement of BATMAN INC which will feature Bruce Wayne and Dick Greyson both as Batman. We're in the middle of a story in which we saw last issue Dick Greyson getting shot in the back of the head. This death was foretold all the way back in BATMAN #666. Now with this announcement we see he's safe. That's dropping the ball, pure and simple. This is akin to when DC announced the IMPULSE comic while Waid was writing "Terminal Velocity". Would it have killed them to talk to the staff and ask if announcing this book and giving certain details might put a damper on the high suspense that is going on in the book? I honestly thought that Greyson was going to get bumped off, or was in serious danger of that happening. Well, I guess I don't have to worry about that now. Gee thanks.

DOUBLE DOUBLE!!

Years ago, my buddy was enjoying his vacation on a beach in Florida when a couple of girls came up to him. They seemed pretty nervous.

"Can we ask you a question?"

"Whatever it is, the answer is 'yes'." He replied with a big grin which comes from being on vacation, having two girls talking to you, and likely a bit of alcohol. At that point the girls start to flip out, surprising my friend a bit. "WAIT! What were you going to ask me?"

"Are you Joshua Jackson?"

No, I'm not friends with Joshua Jackson. However a guy who lived with that very same buddy was on an episode of Dawson's Creek (He got decked by Pacey for trying to mack on Joey. Yes I just said 'mack on'. Shut up.). Yes, my friend does indeed resemble Joshua Jackson a bit. I did have to explain who Joshua Jackson was after he got back from vacation as my buddy doesn't watch much TV. This works out pretty well for him. He doesn't get mistaken for Joshua Jackson probably because he's a bit bigger that the actor. I'm pretty sure the actor in question isn't a contractor who's over six feet tall. Its also nice to have double that's successful and doing cool things. Jackson has that awesome show FRINGE in which he gets to be a bad ass. It would suck to have a lame double.

I don't really have a double. I used to. I used to be the spitting image of Dave Grohl from the bands Nirvana and later the Foo Fighters. It was too the point that a friend saw a picture of Grohl and thought it was me and I was playing a prank on him. However its been years since those comparisons held much water. I did once get told I look like John Cusack, but that was by a girl who wanted me to buy her drinks at a bar. Which I did. Because I'm stupid. This is the point where I'm supposed to turn it over to you people, post a picture and ask you which celebrity I look like. That won't be happening because I don't come out well in pictures. I'm best film at a distance, with poor cameras, like the noble Bigfoot.

MUSIC!!

On of my students was reading a book before class. He said it was part of a trilogy. Being a nerd, I likes me some trilogies. He said each book in the trilogy has 'killer' in the title. And I said, "You mean to tell me someone wrote a trilogy about Jerry Lee Lewis!?"



That's it for Sunday. See you Wednesday. Unless my celebrity double takes over. He'll probably post more. He'll probably be on Facebook too.

I alright hate my celebrity double.

Whoever he is.

Nutty Numbers

That's right, it's Friday, September 10, 2010 and yet again there's no comic review. Labor Day got me all thrown off. I'll have plenty of nerdy goodness for you guys on Sunday, but until then enjoy some insanity.

CRAZY QURAN COOKING CULT!!

For those who have been under a rock this week an idiot is planning a Quran Burning in Florida. Some lunatic so-called preacher is aiming to stand up against Radical Muslims by burning their holy book. There is so much damn stupid here that my brain is actually spasming in my skull.

Let's start with the preacher and his church, congregation of about 50. These people are obviously idiots, and are planning to live up to every awful stereotype that ignorant jerkwits like to heap upon Christians. A book burning? Seriously? Not only does it make Christians look bad, but its counter productive in that all it will do is fire up the bad Muslims and alienate the ones that aren't batshit crazy. Our armed forces are fighting insurgents. Part of fighting an insurgency is to get the locals on your side. This isn't helping matters. Everyone from Generals, to the Pope, to the President have said this is a really bad idea.

When I agree with our Pop-Star-in-Chief then you know something is seriously wrong.

Next up is the asshole Muslims that have held demonstrations in other countries burning the American flag and chanting "Death to America". Screw you, you hypocrites. America has sent its forces out time and again to help Muslims around the world. Sit down and shut up.

Finally we have the media assholes who have turned a small group of ignorant scumwads into the center of a worldwide uproar. Yeah, Dove Outreach Ministries are a bunch of complete idiots, but you're the one who hoisted them as high as you could on a pedestal for the world to see because you wanted ratings. Guess you got what you wanted.

End of the day, these jerks are of the same ilk as the Westboro Baptist Church, the dolts who took part in Everybody Draw Muhammad Day, and that douchebag Imam who wants to built a Mosque right by ground zero. They're attention whores who are looking to count coup, and use the freedoms we enjoy here in America to hide behind. However that's the great thing about these freedoms that idiots like these expose themselves for what they are, and we as a sane society and shun them was the bunch of venomous bastards that they are.

Now the preacher is saying he's going to hold off on the burning and trying to parlay his 15 minutes of fame longer by getting into the middle of the Mosque debacle. How utterly shocking. Well, he can try to spin out of this all he likes. He's done. His little cult of ignorance is going to be buried under the weight of public opinion in a grave of obscurity, and I want to be the first to piss on it.

BY THE NUMBERS!!

There's a new feature that popped up recently here on Blogger and that's "Stats". This thing tells you how many pages views you have gotten. What posts got them. Where the traffic linked in from. And it also lets you know what countries the viewers are from.

It seems I've developed a following in Malaysia. They edged out the United Kingdom. I suppose I should talk about Doctor Who more.

It also tells me what my blog is being viewed on. I'm actually pretty amused that someone has used their Wii to few the blog and someone else used a Playstation 3. No one has used their XBox to which I fully blame Halo: Reach.

I have also determined that lately the majority of people are coming here due to one specific image that I posted, and surprisingly enough its not Christina Hendricks.



It seems POCOYO is very popular. I do wonder if any poor kid stumbles over here looking for a cute picture of their favorite cartoon, and is subsequently traumatized by my blog. Ah well, wouldn't be the first time I've traumatized some poor kid.

Now before you get creeped out that Blogger is giving out your personal info, rest assured its not. I don't know who specifically is reading. No names or specific location are given. I just know what country. I also know what time and it seems my readers are nightowls.

This feature also seems to be messing with me. One day it told me I had over a hundred page views, which is pretty awesome, but the following day it reported 93 page views the previous day and that I only had 1 page view that day. Very confusing, but likely an effort to screw with my head just to let me know to stop obsessing over it.

MUSIC!!

Detected this week's theme yet?



That's the ballgame for Friday. Enjoy you're weekend, and I'll see you on Sunday.

I'm gettin' around to the takin' names part.

How many people want to kick some ass? Its Wednesday, September 8, 2010, and today's a good day for getting my hands dirty.

YOUR SUV AIN'T $#!*

Getting out of bed last Sunday morning we were greeted by an unexpected sight upon opening the door to make sure the world was still there.



As I've documented previously, we on the NWA (Neighborhood Watch Association) have been considering getting a vehicle for which to patrol the Neighborhood and keep the ne'er-do-wells at bay. We have cast aside our plans of mounting a gun turret on a golf cart and just decided to to cut the pretenses.

Shock and awe, ladies and gentlemen.

That's right! We're going to cruise the streets, getting 12 miles to the gallon (Suck it, Al Gore!), and keeping the street safe! That and taking it on beer runs. We're still getting it prepped though. It needs a few touches. Probably need to paint a white star with a red, white, and blue streak behind it. That and we need a spiffy uniform and a code name for our driver.

Now you're probably wondering if we considered WWTNT (What would the neighbors think?), and frankly speaking as the outpost station of the NWA, we don't care. Folks talk about taking back their street from crime. We don't have crime on our street anymore. You know why?

We're all batshit crazy and armed. And we don't care who knows it. Word has spread since the last bunch of punks tried to break into the NWA HQ and ended up zip-tied in the garage at gunpoint. Of course it was spread mostly to the cops who wanted to come out and have a good laugh that the little idiots' expense, but that's beside the point.

The bad guys are on notice. Try to mess with our street and you'll be seeing this:



Right before we run your ass over.

BOSTON DAWNA KICKS ASS!!

Boston Dawna is retiring. For those who are big fans of the movie and comic book KICK ASS here's an example of someone doing the job and not being an idiot. There's a trend that gets a bit of press here and there. It was especially getting noticed when people suddenly figured out that there were movies based on comic books that come out every year. They're often called 'Reals', as in real life super heroes. We even had a local one, Death'shead Moth, who I'm pretty sure has hung it up.

This people dress up in outlandish costumes and patrol the streets to deter crime. Many do charity work and try to help the community. I do wonder what these people's reaction was to the KICK ASS. Considering the violence involved in the story hopefully many of them took a hint and retired.

Boston Dawna is the real deal. And when I say that I don't mean she has a ton of fancy gear or powers. She just has a knack for spotting crime and has over the years developed a working relationship with law enforcement and the community. She does what she does to help her community. She enjoys it. There really should be more people like her.

There are people who wish there really were superheroes. Well, people flying around with powers and bright costumes won't be happening, but looking at the example of the heroes we read about on Wednesdays we can maybe be inspired to do more than turn a blind eye when you know something is wrong. Its not sticking your nose into somebody else's business when that person's business is hurting others. If you know something it wrong, know not suspect, then grab that cell phone that you're using to text your friend and call somebody. Keep an eye out for your neighbor. If you see something weird going on, give them a call and ask if they're alright.

Looking out for others is better than turning a blind eye.

OUT AND ABOUT WITH NOZZ

I've spent year going all around the Hampton Roads area fixing and building stuff. I grew up here. I have a lot of memories of things being very, very different. I can remember when I-264 was just I-44 and it was toll road. I can remember when Pembroke Mall was really fun to go to with video arcade and the movie theater was the place to be. Things have changed as things tend to do, and being a creature of habit I don't visit my old haunts too often. However over the last week I've found myself in places I never thought I'd go to again.

First off was a church. This was not a church I had ever attended, but I was well acquainted with the roof. I had helped patch the vast rubber area on a nearly annual basis. I had coated the built up area a couple of times with various coatings. I had even replaced the shingles by the steeple. It was steeple that brought me back.

Its a giant fiberglass thing that sits atop a very steep shingle roof. Its in two sections. There's the tall section that reaches to the sky, and there's 'Brian's Box'. The Box rests on shingles and is anchored to the building with steal cables. The top section is anchored to the Box with metal rods, which is why we returned. Over time the the top section had become loose so the rods had to be replaced. So two of us had to get into Brian's Box and replace them. Not a lot of fun being in a giant fiberglass thing about 3 stories up and it's moving. Being inside of it when it shifts is plenty to get the heart rate up because its quite noisy. Still the mission was a success.

It got the name 'Brian's Box' because my buddy Brian was the main person who climbed in and out of it to jack it up and replace the shingles. And yes, it is true that you can fit two men in Brian's Box. One guy even got stuck in Brian's Box. Fortunately, nobody caught anything from Brian's Box.

It was weird being back there. The rubber roof had been replaced by a white membrane roof. There was metal around the top of the flat roof covering the top of an area I painted years ago. Like any place you visit after years of absence there's always differences, but enough familiarity to draw you back.

It was a lot more so on Sunday. The Church my family and I have been attending had moved to locations and to my surprise it was a place I knew very well and had not been to in nearly 20 years: my old high school. The place had been added onto a bit but not much. There was a new baseball field in the back, which isn't surprising since David Wright played there long before moving up to the majors. The benches that only the seniors were allowed to sit on had been moved and I'm wondering if senior privileges were still observed. The hallway where all the English classes were held had a plaque over it which read "Halterman Hallway". I remember having Mister Halterman for British Literature. Not the easiest class but Mister Halterman seemed like a good guy and graded on the curve (thank goodness).

That hallway was where I first started really writing. Yeah, I had one English teacher, Missus Warren, who was terrible but I figure she's been staked and beheaded by now. The others were actually really good. There was Halterman, who I mentioned. There was also Mister Conover who was cool with me reading comics and even asked me to bring him an X-MEN comic because he hadn't seen one in years and was curious how the series was going. He also played a hell of a bass guitar. Finally there was Mister Babb. He's the one who got me writing. He's the first one to really encourage me at it. So yeah, all this, his fault. We loved his class.

There were lots of things to bring me back. The class pictures were on the wall, including a small one of me which was a flattering enough photo. A bit of airbrushing and it being in black and white helped a lot. There was artwork framed and hanging in front of the school library, and I remember when two to those pieces were being worked on in my art class. My work wasn't on display. I wasn't that good back then. Ryan and Jen were.

This is of course the fond memories. High school sucked for me just like it did for everyone else. But fortunately its the few memories if the fun times that managed to hang on the longest.

MUSIC!!

And now a little story about family.



That's the whole nine yards for today. See y'all Friday. There just might be ten yards.