Flirting with continuity

I've gotten to the point where I've webpublished enough NIGHT LIFE stories that continuity may become an issue. I've got the comic going on the main site. I'm getting ready to wrap up the third short story here on Blogger. And I did a story on Twitter. That's not including the original NIGHT LIFE story that I did back when I was a student at JMU. Also, there were a few short stories that got written for classes that featured characters that should be very familiar to my readers, all five of you. So that's five different stories on three different sites, a couple of short stories and one college newspaper. Multiple mediums to boot. So which ones don't count?

Well, all of them do. Although the college one, you can pretend doesn't exist, especially since I have the only complete collection of those strips which I occasionally go back through just to cringe at how terrible they were.

When I did the college strip, Wade Granby was already well established as the Night Rain. Keith Sheen didn't come in until the final year I did the strip, but it was clear that they had a history. If you were to get your hands on the old strips and pour over them, you can even spot Danny Blade in a flashback scene. When I wrote the short stories for classes I set most of them in the NIGHT LIFE world. While the professors weren't terribly thrilled with this, it turned out that a few of the students that read these stories for the classes followed the comic and got a kick out of it.

Continuity is a double-edged sword to be certain. It's great when things are clear. However, with enough people involved and if things go along long enough it can turn ugly. That's why the major comic companies with their metric ton of characters and stories supposedly have editors. Someone has to keep it all straight.

My first brush with continuity happened at a very young age. It was an issue of THE INCREDIBLE HULK and the big guy was on some alien planet battling The Gardner. Now this was a major threat because this dude was in possession of one of the "Soul Gems" which we now refer to as the "Infinity Gems". Insanely powerful, and I as a reader got to learn about this due to a quick flashback to another story. It seems some major big bad got his hands on one and it took the Avengers, Captain Marvel, The Thing, Spider-man and Adam Warlock "Reincarnated as the Ultimate Avenger" to stop him. It was nearly twenty years later that I actually had a chance to read the story that the flashback referred. It went down in an old AVENGERS annual and a MARVEL TEAM-UP annual. But referencing that story in the Hulk story I was reading gave me a glimpse that this was something major and this huge battle had gone down. I really wanted to read that story. So there's where continuity was a major bonus.

It turns into a problem when you have two stories directly contradicting each other. Then the writers have to jump through hoops. Problems like that should be caught before books go to press. Back in the day Marvel gave out "No prizes" to readers who caught things like that. Now they just try to avoid the meteor shower of bitchy comments that descend upon them via the internet.

How much danger am I in from this unwieldy beast called continuity? Not much. When there's only one writer it's much easier to keep things straight. I'll be putting in footnotes for people as necessary. Besides, this is the internet, it's easy enough to get a hold of me on here if there's any questions?

You want to know what I think about having enough content out there that this topic warrants a blog post? I think it's a damn good start.

TV is talking to me

No, not the actual television. It's too embarrassed to say anything because of it's size. It's secretly jealous of those skinny flat screen dealies. I keep telling the television that it's alright and I'm not interested in another television. Besides, who the hell is going to steal it. It's heavy and a proper thief would go after one of those televisions that hang of the wall.

I'm referring to TV itself speaking to me. It's always been a good friend and trusted adviser. Now is no different. You see, it's taken ABC away from me. Also, it's shown me the primetime line up for the CW, letting me know that there'll be only one hour of good TV on that channel this fall. Fox is stacking the interesting shows on Thursday as well knowing that I don't get home until late that night meaning there's an hours of TV for me to watch.

These are all cunning messages from TV. It's telling me to get one of those TV recording devices so that I can record good TV and watch it at proper times. It's forcing me into this so that I don't spend too much time watching TV when I should be doing other things.

The message from TV: "Get to work, and record us. You can watch us later. We don't mind."

TV is very considerate.

The four different types of martial arts

As the title says, there's four different types of martial arts. This has nothing to do with styles and a bit to do with actual technique. What this is concerning is intent.

Show
These are martial arts done solely for the sake of performance. You can find them in movies and in some martial arts demos. The techniques are empty and it's more of a dance. Yes, it does take sufficient physicality to execute. This has become quite popular with the advent of XMA and "Tricking". The goal is to look impressive.

Competition
These are done purely for the sake of competition. The goal is to win, be it trophies at tournaments or belts in the ring. Training revolves around doing what it takes to impress judges and earn points.

Transcendental
This is focused on the betterment of self through martial arts. Personal growth is the goal. The results desired are physical, mental and spiritual. Rigorous training is often accompanied by meditation.

Fight
The goal is self preservation. This is training for dealing with real life situations. Techniques are explored for their potential in use in real combat situations.

Now, many schools offer a combination of these four in their training regimes. Some do specialize. Really it's up to the individual. Two people can be studying the same art from the same instructor and be doing two different types of martial arts.

So the question is: where is your head and heart in relation to your fist and foot?

Ian Holloway > Wendy Williams

I hate Wendy Williams. I click on a video to see a squirrel doing weird squirrelly things and there she is, squawking on inanely in front of people who must have the IQs of brine because they actually give a good goddamn about the asinine shit that tumbles from her big yap. Bad enough she ruined my dinnertime TV viewing habits. Now she's invaded my internet viewing habits. I hate her so hard. I was ready to go to sleep too. I had posted the latest page from the comic that was thrust upon me by a guy so desperate to move copies that I suspect he had stolen it. I bought it with a friend, she had a buck and I had some loose change. We live in different states so I post a page a day so we can share the book and everyone can have a good hard laugh at how terrible it is.

What the hell was I typing about?

WENDY WILLIAMS! That bitch! Anyways, I had scanned stuff, posted stuff, e-mailed stuff, stuffed stuffity stuff stuff stuff, and just wanted to watch a video with a squirrel in it to calm my nerves. I set aside the fact that a squirrel had brought my webcomics to a screeching halt. I mean, it's not like I was going to watch video of that squirrel. That would just be weird. So I click and I wait, because my internet sucks, but I don't care anymore since I'm now convinced that "high speed internet" is all a hoax. And the video comes up, and there's my squirrel. Looking cute and doing squirrel things. Next thing I know there's Wendy Williams talking about Barack Obama because I guess no one had talked about him in the last two minutes and the quota wasn't filling up properly and there's some guy in the crowd with a buzzer trying to shut her up and she's asking pissed about it. I think if the guy really wanted to shut her up he should have used a tazer.

So now I'm all wound up and torqued off and hating squirrels and really hating Wendy Williams.

Fortunately my mad seething fury somehow guided me over to White Chapel where I came upon this:

I am now at peace.

DnC Studios Versus Chicago: No Reservations

We grabbed some grub in the North Carolina airport knowing we would be going on a food safari and we might as well start enjoying ourselves. Chris had some ribs and I had to get some Carolina Bar-be-que. It was on point, but the games had only begun.

Day one of the Con was kinda a bust, but after the show things were looking up. Linda and company helped us take our things back to the hotel and then we hopped the L to head into the city to Giordano's. If you're going to be in Chi-Town then you've got to have some deep dish pizza. We arrived and some friends had a table already, so we joined them. Chris, Dylan, Vince, Linda and myself get a stuffed crust pizza with pepperoni, sausage and black olives. The meat was baked into the crust while the olives rest atop this glorious thing before us. I had a 312 Ale to wash it down as Chris and I absolutely crushed our first pieces. I think we shocked Linda a bit, but construction guys eat fast. We held court sharing our stories of Virginia, and probably guaranteeing that none of them will ever come and visit us.

Then we faced a problem. There were three slices left and five or us. Who would be the asshole and go after the second piece first? Vince and Linda in a show of class begged off, saying they were stuffed, opening the door of Chris, Dylan and myself to descend upon the rest of the pie like a pack of wolves. Never had pizza like that before. Truly top notch.

The five of us then braved the L back to our respective hotels. I say "braved' due to Lolapalooze letting out about the same time and the L was teeming with dirty footed hippies. One of which was in dire straights and spotted the fact that I had a bottle of soda.

Hippie: Dude, can I please have a sip of your soda? I'm dying here.

Me: Dude, before you have a sip of my soda I need to now what you're dying of.

I hate hippies. But I digress.

The following morning there was a steady downpour of rain preventing Chris and I from grabbing fast food for breakfast. We didn't have a vehicle on this trip. So, we had breakfast at the hotel restaurant. I had never had lemon crepes before.

The hotel staff continued to spoil us with complimentary fruit smoothies and pastries. The food was more sophisticated then I'm used to. It was a real treat.

There was a communication break down on day 2 with Linda losing my phone number. So we hit the town with our con neighbors, Andy and Kim. Dodging horrible lumps of stuff on the stairway out of the L we made out way across town. It was a real treat to see the areas that doubled for Gotham city in the recent Batman movies. We saw a guy, drunk to the point of caveman status, stumbling along and dropping his liquor bottles. How he made it back to his hotel and didn't get ran over is beyond me.

We crossed the river and the air was thick. I found it a bit hard to breath as the air was heavy with the scent of the river. I was hoping to be away from it soon. We passed street performers playing drums and break dancing. I looked around to try to spot where we might be going. Andy led us to a staircase in the sidewalk, which had me confused for a moment until I turned to go down it.

Then the smell hit me. Actually, it embraced me. We descended into history.

Hidden from the tourists and the very sky above was a practical hole in the wall: The Billy Goat Tavern. Established in 1934 the Billy Goat is an institution. We had hot dog, double cheeseburgers, whoops, I mean CHEEZBORGERS, with chips and Billy Goat Ale to wash them done. We were surrounded on all sides by pictures of athletes, movie stars and politicians all of whom had come to this place. It was incredible. We sat there, looking at the pictures, enjoying our food and just soaking in the history around us. That place is special. I'm in Andy's debt for leading me there.

Linda brought us Chicago Style Hot Dogs the next day for lunch at the Con, which was an unnecessary but greaty appreciated apology for the previous night. Chicago dogs versus Convention center dogs? No contest.

After the show, Linda Vince and Dylan yet again helped us with our stuff and we hit the southside on a mission. Google maps yet again led us to somebody's doorstep, and they would not feed us. Still we found the Silver Palm.

We were in the hunt for the Three Little Piggies. This sandwich was reviewed in Maxim Magazine as one of the top 5 in the nation. It's a deep friend pork tenderloin, a slice of ham, bacon, two kinds of cheese, a fried egg and an fried onion ring.

I know what you're thinking. That can't be kosher. This sandwich not only isn't Kosher, it's flat out anti-Semitic. This thing is a Swastika on a bun!

Linda and Vince in a fit of sanity did not order the sandwich. Chris, Dylan and myself had no such rationality to save us.

We ordered that thing and the waitress asked about our medical history.

We got our beers and then came the sandwich. The sandwich comes with fries and I still wonder why. We looked at the sandwiches. I pondered briefly what they would say at my funeral. This was beyond sustenance, beyond a vicious case of the noms... this was man versus food. Three of us. There of them.

We clinked our beers and it was on like Donkey Kong.

We tore into our opponents, and Father God save me, it was the greatest sandwich I have ever eaten. I nearly wept. Still this was a battle, and our opponent played for keeps. This was eating the Chicago way! You sent one of theirs to your stomach, it sends your ass to the morgue!

Chris was forced to tap out about half way through. It was up to me and Dylan. Sweet Geebus, even the gristle was good! Dylan subdued his foe. The score was tied: 1 to 1. It was all up to me. The sandwich was an unweildy beast. I had great difficulty controlling it. I approached the end game with the others watching me and cheering me on. Goaded on, I shoved the rest of the bastard sandwich into my gaping maw. After some chewing and hanging onto the table for dear life, I finally swallowed the last of it and then ran a brief victory lap.

It took three hand washings and shower before I stopped smelling like pork.

We returned home the following day. Although we were paupers at the convention, after the show, we ate like Kings.

DnC Studios versus Chicago: the Con Report

This was a really big deal for me as this was the the Con that was in my mind the big one. I could care less about San Diego. It strikes me as being more about other nerd media than comics. This trip was my gift for the year. I cared about nothing else. I just wanted this trip. My wife made it happen.

Johnson has been under siege by a vicious wave of misfortune over the past month. He was hanging in as best he could. He just had to make it to the show. We prepped as best we could. We got out the door later than I had hoped. There was much chain smoking being done as Johnson attempted to decompress. We then confirmed that Goggle maps is indeed the Wikipedia of directions as our directions to the airport led me to someone's doorstep. they didn't have a plane. Still we made the flight, and after dropping down to North Carolina to see people in rocking chairs using their laptops and others gathered around power outlets as if they were campfires in the arctic we proceeded to Chicago.

We stayed at the Rosemont O'Hare which is attached to the convention center by a skywalk, which came in handy due to rain. The hotel was indeed the lap of luxury for the pair of us and the staff treated us like kings. We missed premier night, but got settled in and had a couple of drinks at the bar. We went over our last minute game plans.

The next morning we got up at six and headed down to the complimentary coffee bar. We seemed to be the only guests in the hotel to be stirring at that hour. We discovered later that my phone didn't stnc up with the time zone change and the room alarm clock was off by an hour. Yep, we were up at 5 in morning. Fine, gave us time to pick up the last minute essentuals for working the table: a case of Cokes, a tin of Altoids and a couple packs of smokes.

We found ourselves on the far side of the world in the artist alley, but at least it was a short walk to the can. I was directly across from Tony Moore and Chris Samnee, and was kicking myself for not bringing my QUEEN AND COUNTRY definitive edition for him to sign. We met our neighbors Andy Budnick and his girlfriend Kim. Delightful folks.

Day one was slow and painful. Although we did manage to make about $7.

God bless hot librarians who like Batgirl. You can see Chris Samnee hard at work behind her. Spotting quite a few folks dressed as Doctor Horrible I preceded to do some pictures of the character in hopes of getting some sales. I continued trying up finish out the Twitter event. The major plus side was Linda showing up with Vince and Dylan. Linda's a long time e-friend and this was our first face-to-face meeting. She likes to take credit for my making the trip. While that's not the case, meeting her finally was definitely the biggest perk and made the trip worthwhile.

Our staggering sales certainly weren't.

This was also the day we came to discover our table came complete with a Tom and Jerry booby trap which consisted of 5 gallon plastic buckets which were suspended over us and periodically dripped water down upon us. Nothing like a roof leak and/or air conditioning condensation over what is, in essence, a celebration of paper. We got quite chummy with many of the volunteers.

This Con was in trouble. 100 out of the 135 volunteers that were to work the show never showed up. DC didn't show up. Marvel didn't show up. Dark Horse didn't show up. Seems we picked a great year for our first appearance.

And they seriously need to feed their volunteers too. Poor starving bastards.

Day two was looking up. The Doctor Horrible pics were selling a bit. We got some commissions. I'm surprised we didn't get more considering we were charging $5 for fully inked pictures. My bristol got more use fanning Linda and company who were very warm in their outfits. This was the day of the costume contest so everyone was decked out in their best costumes. Cosmic Boy declared me his arch-nemesis. I answered by pelting him with a wad of tin foil and mocking his magnetic powers. Dick Blick came through for us big time. He was selling art supplies and took excellent care of us. He's got a couple of new life time customers now. I also snagged a copy of Ong Bak 2.

By the end of day 2 fatigue had set in. Johnson was doing well since he ran into Michelle Rodrigez on one of his smoke breaks and got the hang with her a bit.

Day three arrived and I was feeling punchy. I also had questions for one Chris Samnee.

Me: So, with it being day three and everyone's kinda punchy, hypothetically speaking, if you were inking a piece and some one from, let's just say across the aisle here, were to say, hypothetically, chuck a paper airplane at you, what would happen?

Samnee: I'd punch them right in the face.

Me: Hypothetically?

Samnee: Hypothetically, of course.

We then agreed that the guy the Quicksilver costume the day before really should have been wearing underwear. Nothing bonds artists faster than the sheer horror of shiny spandex clad dongs right at your eye level.

I drew a lot on day 3. Did a bunch of pictures. I even managed to walk around a bit. Linda and I walked the aisles. She made some purchases and chatted with folks. I marveled at what a complete moron the kid selling weapons was. It was all a bit of a blur that day and my sense of time crumbled.

That was pretty much it. Coming out of it I determined that a Con is a Con. The mystique is gone, but it was a pretty good show. Johnson wants to do it again next year. We may have to return.

Wrap up and credits

The Twitter event is all done. It was a very laborious undertaking and I seriously doubt I'll be attempting anything like that again. The Tweets and account will be there until inactivity or hacker assault destroys it. It was very difficult, especially in the last legs due to twitter being under attack by hackers or some such making it near impossible to update the story.

I would like to thank Kat Hogan for all of her efforts supplying the art for the project. It was really great stuff. I'd also like to thank Kristiine Havener for all of here efforts promoting the project and her tireless support. The effort would have been dead in the water without them.

Finally, I'd like to thank everyone who read and followed the mystery. I'm very proud that I did it, and hopefully it entertained some folks.

Thanks again.

I outta here!

Heading for Chicago today for the Comic-con. Anyone who's been following the Twitter mystery, finds me at table 3434 in the artist alley, and tells me your theory on who did it gets a prize!

Hope to see you all there!

So You Think You Can Dance predictions

OK last year I was able to predict the winner all the back to before the top 20 were picked. This year I picked Evan and sure enough he's in the finals. I'm going to the repeat. Now, the competition is stiff as all four finalists are incredibly talented. hell, the entire top 20 were all amazing. There were a few surprises along the way. I'm very surprised Ashley was let go so early. She was really great. Asuka and Vitolio were other favorites of mine that I thought would make the top 10.

The show has been very strong this season. I would still like to see less musical acts and more dance demonstrations on the results show, but I'll deal with it.

Looking forward to tomorrow night.

Not wanting to go there.

I'm concerned right now. As I've made clear, I'm doing a project on Twitter. I'd been talking with a friend of mine about him doing a review of the project for a prominent website that reviews such things. He specializes in comics.

The concerning part comes from him getting flack about covering things in the new media. Webcomics and online projects such as mine are not what the readers or editors want to see. They want "what sells". Now, if the readers have spoken and it's clear that there is not interest on that site in new media work, then that's fine. Shortsighted, but fine.

There's a problem. The medium is going online whether fans like it or not. Sure DC, Marvel and the other companies will all be around, but the new Indy scene is indeed online. The next crop of talent that will be working for the big guns will be pulled from online. It costs much less to publish online than it does to print books. As much as I love the printed page, this is just the facts of the matter. Welcome to the future.

And of course there's going to be opposition. There's always opposition to change of any sort. But the answer isn't to just ignore what is out there, because it's coming for you whether you like it or not. Sinfest just got picked by Dark Horse this year. It's already begun. We are in a time where people can throw their work to the masses with a click of a mouse. This is something to be celebrated, not to be snubbed.

Time to wake up, fanboys. The future knocking at the door.

i r famous riter!

Got interviewed the other day. The interviewed did a wonderful job of turning my incoherent ramblings into something readable. This is an entire new experience for me. Still processing the notion that now only would someone actually give a crap about what I have to say but record and transcribe it. Will it lead to more readers? I don't know. Still, I can say that someone interviewed me.

Sometimes life is flat out weird.

Learning fast

Kinda of had to the last few days. With my Twitter plan getting ready to launch, the last thing on the to do list was to get a phone that would let me update from wherever I am. Cue me at the T-Mobile store getting Blackberry Curve 8320. Having this thing is definitely me living beyond my raising. I'm pretty much two steps up from caveman status when it comes to technology.

I love getting my cell phone upgraded. It's such a rare event that the people at T-Mobile just look at my old phone in awe, amazed that it's still working. "Wow. This thing is old." is the invariable response I get.

So with two days to go I set about learning how to update twitter with the phone. It was a fairly painless process. There's tons of other things I'm sure I could do with this phone, and maybe one day I'll attempt to figure them out, but for now, I can make phone calls, update Twitter and play 'Block smasher' or whatever the game on there is called.

Onward and the game is afoot. Due to good support from friends and talking about the project I already a few people following the Twitter account before I began the story. The numbers have gone up fairly steadily. They're not skyrocketing, but I didn't expect that to happen. Hopefully word will spread and hopefully this'll get some notice for Kat who has been great through the entire process.

I've also learned on Twitter that "Yay! New Follower!" is trumped by "Yay! New Follower and they're a real person!" Pesky bots.

I've been punished

I have not been diligent in my worship of television. And now due to my lapse TV has sent Wendy Williams to punish me. TV has warned of this for weeks. It kept showing her in obnoxiously bad promo spots and telling me she was coming. It's all my fault. I didn't pay attention.

Now the bitch has taken TMZ and Scrubs away from me.

I have not the first clue about anything related to Wendy Williams, aside from she makes really horrible promo spots and has a talk show. Still I wish her show to get the lowest ratings possible and it to be sent to the abyss of cable access never to be seen on my television ever again.

Now I'm stuck watching Everybody Loves Raymond during my dinner hour. I don't love Raymond. Nothing against Raymond, but the show title is false advertising.

I only have a handful of channels. Yes, I'm one of those people who does not have cable nor satellite television and has one of those little converter boxes on top of his TV. Now, it's bad enough I'm stuck with sucky digital television, but we're all in the same boat there. Still I have only a handful of stations. This isn't a problem because there's only a few shows I care about. The times don't really matter except for breakfast and dinner times, because I want something enjoyable on right them. Breakfast time is no problem because I get to watch The Daily Buzz, laugh with Mitch and Andy and drool over Holly. Good times. Unfortunately now with the invasion of Wendy Williams I'm left with absolutely nothing enjoyable on at dinner time.

So I am making a burnt offering to television on a pyre of old VHS tapes of Pokémon. Hopefully television will accept my offering and return TMZ and Scrubs to me, and banish Wendy Williams back to wherever the hell she came from. I could probably Google her and figure out what she's doing on my TV, but that would involve effort and me actually caring about Wendy Williams.

Falling fast

I find it highly disturbing that I referred to my Google ads as a "tapeworm" and currently there's an ad for a restaurant big as life and full color. Note to self: never ever eat there.

I spent yesterday evening barely coherent. My mind's ability to process information had somehow become compromised. Maybe my brain just needed to cool. The benevolent internet somehow sensed this and repeated crashed Firefox in an effort to shield me from overload and send me to bed.

Or it just didn't want me to know Frank Mir lost last night.

It was a very weird state to be in. I've got enough irons in the fire that I should completely manic at this point. I will be heading for the Chicago Comic-Con in a few weeks and that's pretty huge for me. It was as if all of that was a dream last night. like it was happening to a character I was writing and not me. This would be the point where I write some tripe about we are all the writers of our own story and blah, blah, blah.

All that said and done, it's time to make the final preparations for the Twitter thing. I've also got a tournament to host next week. So it's not a time to be muddle headed.

Also, I'm pissed that the chubby v-blogger who was railing like a nut about Transformers removed the video from Youtube. That stuff was classic! Oh well. maybe he got the hint that what he did really wasn't the way to go, learned his lesson and getting his act together.

Pfft. Yeah right.

Over the edge

As my brain goes careening down the Information Superhighway checking for thought police speed traps and bouncing over blood stoppingly inane ideas that have formed intellectual black holes of pure stupid, I have notice that the Internet as a sentient entity has begun to worry.

Behold my mighty run-on sentence.

Onward, I have my lovely Google ads on the side of the blog which have amassed me the monetary sum of squat. So, why do I keep the little eyesores around? Because they worry about me.

Now, they change on a regular basis, but at present (after listing Michael Jackson conspiracy theories and dead people that annoy me) there are not one but two (2, dos, ni, II) advertisements for psychotherapy.

I know what you are thinking.

No really. I do. Richard is thinking about Batman right now. Chris is thinking about beer and shooting things with his nail gun. Kristie is thinking about Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Mark is wondering how I'm doing this. Blake is thinking "Holy shit, Mart-o finally snapped."

I'm keeping my Google ads because they care about me. They worry about my health and well-being. And if my brain shorts and I go on a Slurpee driven rampage then I can't make these blog posts for all five of you to read. Then me Google ads will be in suspended animation, unable to glean new things to adapt to. They're rather parasitic that way. My lovely little text tapeworms.

Onwards to Twitter and from there Chicago. Because Google ads have told me to do these things.

Annoying dead people: the TOP TEN!

10: Princess Diana: Way to steal Mother Theresa's thunder.

9: Anna Nicole Smith: Why did anyone care? Her cup size was most interesting thing about her.

8: Tupak: Nothing boosts record sales like dying.

7: Fast zombies: Those fuckers are cheating.

6: Lestat: I blame him for all lame vampires, especially the sparkly ones.

5: Jean Grey: Make up your mind! Either stay dead or quit dying every five years!

4: Cobain: Why am I still subjected to his music on stations that supposedly feature new music?

3: Boba Fett: HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!

2: Michael Jackson: When all is said and done the fans and media will remember the details of his life that are as whitewashed as his skin.

1: Hitler: Way to ruin the Charlie Chaplin moustache for everyone. Jerk.

Marty versus V-Blogging

I love Youtube. Love it, love it, love it all the live long day. I get to watch martial arts clips and other fun stuff. I think it's really great how people can use it to share funny videos they've gotten or even use it to show off short films they've made. And yes now people have gone to the next level of Blogging and done video blogs to put on Youtube. Now there's nothing at all wrong with this, but if you're going to do it, you need to do it correctly.

It's little things that make these video blogs work. Looking presentable, having something interesting to say, being able to speak clearly, not going "um" before every sentence. If you have a nifty backdrop, that's cool. Having a 'theme' so regular viewers know what to expect is a plus. It doesn't take a ton of effort to do one of these, but putting in effort really does make these pop.

But there are some major things you should avoid doing.



Wow, is that guy pissed!

Here's the part where I'm to be chastised and told that she should not be judged on her appearance. Sorry, if she didn't want to be judged on her appearance SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE MADE VIDEOS AND PUT THEM ON YOUTUBE! She could just type her thoughts and feeling out and posted them like I'm doing here. But if she absolutely must make video blogs then I have a few tips to help her get rid of the pesky comments that seem to be plaguing her:

1) Make-up
2) A more flattering haircut
3) Not being a nut

And the "you'll be lucky" bit she has is a killer. This isn't pro-rasslin'. She's not going to confront these people making fun of her online in a tables, ladders and chairs match. The moment you start talking tough and making threats, you lose.

Warning: the video below contains harsh language and a moron.


Yeah. Video blog arguing. Not debating, arguing. You can be passionate about a subject. You can speak and let your emotions show. Having a tantrum doesn't accomplish anything. Hollering "OK?" after every sentence doesn't make your opinions any more forceful or give them any more weight. So, this guy winds up the big loser in his video war. Had he spoken calmly and laid out clear points instead of yelling how THE DARK KNIGHT is the greatest movie ever made, he might have gotten a little traction behind his argument and come out looking at least a little credible. Having the only adjective in your verbal arsenal be "fucking" doesn't help either.

These are just examples. There plenty of others out there and they're not hard to find. As for me, I won't be video blogging any time soon. I'm perfectly happy typing my opinions. Besides, no one wants to look at my mug as I ramble on about Batman anyhow.

But really it's my own ego tat won't let me do it, because I know I'll never be as good at it as this guy:


The Goblin abides.

Adios Mikey!

The death of Michael Jackson has rocked Duck and Cover Studios. We haven't had a site update for a while. Chris is having a hard time drawing while wearing the white glove. I've been trying to be like Mike, and injecting hard-core pain killers isn't too good for my creative process. Still it's a shame such a tragic accident happened to such a well-known person.

Or was it an accident....

That's right, boys and girls, it's time:
OUR TOP 5 MICHAEL JACKSON'S DEATH CONSPIRACY THEORIES!!!

5: He figured out he was worth more dead than alive. Faking his own death is actually the least controversial thing he's done in the past ten years.

4: He's to be cremated and all the melted plastic plastic from his surgeries will be used to make toys so little boys can play with him for a change.

3: The autopsy revealed that he and Latoya were really the same person.

2: President/Pop Star Obama had Jackson assassinated so that he could be the new "King of Pop".

1: The surviving Beatles had had enough. Michael could Say Say Say all he wanted, but it was much too late. Paul McCartney is not one to be trifled with.

Back from the mountain

The trip was light on training. Although I did take the time to break a few bricks. Yes, with my hand.

Watched television. I'm horribly disappointed that Asuka was let go from So You Think You Can Dance. I've also determined that Bully Beatdown is the most fun I've ever had watching MTV.

Saw about a dozen rabbits, a few groundhogs and a bunch of deer. All of these were in my dad's yard. The peace and quiet was disrupted briefly by dad's neighbor lowering the boom on a snake with a pistol. Sure hope the snake wasn't endangered.

Bring it on, hippies!

First off, while I'm not a fan of our Pop-Star-in-Chief I have to say I'm firmly behind his stance on fly swatting and think that little buzzing bastard had it comin'. PETA does not agree. That's right, in yet another move to utterly destroy their own creditability, the Pea-brains Embarrassing Tidewater Area have expressed their outrage over the President swatting a fly. This further cements the public perception that they are all a bunch of morons. So nice when the public gets it right. Keep in mind I say this while living about a fifteen minute drive from their national headquarters and still deny any and all claims that I had anything to do with pelting their building with raw hamburger.

So, why am I bringing this up? It's because of a chat I had with my neighbor today. He had spotted a snake near my year and wanted to give me a heads up. He had a similar problem with a rattlesnake which had decided to park itself on his porch. Said snake met a grizzly demise via a large spade. No problem, except his son in law works for animal control and told him he could get in trouble for this.

That rattlesnake was an endangered species.

ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME? You want to see a rattlesnake endangered? Have him slither his scaly ass into my yard! It's a rattlesnake. How on earth can them being endangered be seen as being a bad thing? Have you ever met anyone who has said "You know, the world really needs more rattlesnakes"? No, you haven't.

It used to be so simple. I grew up in snake country. We had rattlers, copperheads, moccasins, cottonmouths and every so often a coral snake or two. And the rules of engagement were simple: see the snake, kill the snake. We achieved this in a variety of manners: garden hoes, shovels, yawn darts, firearms, weed-whackers and once with an acid loaded shrapnel bomb. Our biggest kill was a six foot long moccasin. The biggest kill in my old stompin' ground was a cottonmouth my buddy took out workin' pest control, twelve feet long. That's a lot of snake. And the other wildlife benefited from our efforts. Had a copperhead try to get Jason, but he sliced it in half with the weed-whacker. The frog it had recently consumed made it's escape, and is officially the luckiest amphibian I've even encountered.

The snakes were the reason we had outdoor cats. The cats would kill the moles and field mice near the house. Those are what the snakes ate, and since there was no food near the house, they had little reason to come around. Sure our moms would freak out when the cats would leave the dead vermin on our doorsteps as tribute and proof of them pulling they're weight in the household. We understood and applauded they're efforts. It was a bit much when Winston the Cat decapitated a rabbit and left it on the doorstep, but we overlooked this since he was handy in the killing department and in scaring the crap out of The Scorer by suddenly appearing in the window when we were drunk and watching X-Files.

Snakes have been an unpleasant part of my existence since childhood. So, screw 'em. I'm with Doctor Jones on this one.

Lost to Chaos: the F.A.Q.



What is this?

This is a NIGHT LIFE story that will be told on Twitter. It will mainly prose driven with supplemental artwork by Kat Hogan. It will begin July 18, 2009 and conclude August 9th, the weekend of the Chicago Comic-Com. The story will take place in pseudo-real time. It will be a mystery story with some horror elements.

What is "pseudo-real time"?

The story will follow NIGHT LIFE cast member Phil Escobar and the Twitter is set up to be his account. Readers will be getting updates as to what Phil is doing as he investigates the mystery. When Phil finds clues, he will post them. I will not be making updates between midnight and seven AM EST. I know some people have Twitter set up so that new 'tweets' appear as text messages on their phones. No one likes a text message at three in the morning.

I don't have Twitter. How do I read this?

Twitter is completely free and pretty painless to set up. You can create an account and set it up to follow the story at "twitter.com/nightlifephil". Once it's over it's a simple matter of deactivating the account. You don't even have to post anything on the account. Once you log in any updates made will appear.

How would this story be rated?

I'd say PG-13. I'm not planning on using a lot of profanity, but it is a police mystery and some of the imagery won't be for children. Basically, if you're OK watching shows like CSI, you're fine.

Why should I follow this?

This is summer reading for people who don't really like summer reading. The updates will be short and to the point, making it easy for readers to keep up with the story.

Do I have to read the webcomic or any of the short stories?

Absolutely not, but it would be nice if you did. Phil Escobar is currently appearing in the webcomic so you can see him a bit before the event. This story is completely self contained, but it's also in the NIGHT LIFE continuity.

The story is wrapping up the weekend of the Chicago Comic-con. Coincidence?

I think not! Chris Johnson and I will be in the Artist's Alley at the convention. If you find us and have the correct solution to the mystery I'll have some prizes while they last.

Why on Earth are you doing this?

Because it just might turn out really freakin' cool. That's plenty of reason.

Under siege!

Got a little slip of paper slipped into the handle of my screen door this week. It was yellow, so I knew to be warned. It let me know that crime is on the rise in my neighborhood. There is only one course of action:

NWA GO GO GO!!!!!

That's right, it's time for the NWA (Neighborhood Watch Association) to kick some ass and take some names. We are planning on patrolling our beloved streets to help take a bite out of crime. As you read this we are getting a golf cart to help facilitate this. This way we don't have to walk. Walking sucks. Also it will be pretty cool to have a golf cart with a gun turret.

John's breaking out the AR-15 and his night vision goggles. Darren's gonna let us use his German Shepherd. The little bastards already think twice about coming onto our court. Last time any of them tried a break in he ended up zip tied in John's garage with a case of the soggy trousers.

This isn't an excuse to beat up teenagers. Honest.

My dance pick

So You Think You Can Dance is down to their top 20 and we're in the stage where the viewers vote. All the performances last night were incredible. This competition is completely up for grabs. No one stands out because every competitor is absolutely amazing.

Phil will do well because he already has a following.

My pick is Evan, the Broadway dancer.

Last year I was able to pick the winner, Joshua, during the tryout phase. Let's see how I do this time.

Under a bridge, craving goats.

"Trolling" is the practice of being obnoxious on internet forums for the sole purpose of drawing attention to one's self. Often this is a negative thing. Someone posts something outlandish just to get a reaction from the other people using the forum. Well I've given it a go.

So, why am I doing something which is often looked upon as being bad behavior? Well, sometimes behaving badly is just fun. And this bad behavior is fine as long as I don't get vindictive. Everyone on the thread I linked above gets the joke, except for one guy. It's kind of sad that anyone could possibly not recognize the dripping sarcasm.

I enjoy trolling but, unlike the usual troll, I do it to create an entertaining spectacle. Life has a tendency to suck and I enjoy entertaining folks. I do it by telling jokes, telling stories and sometimes just acting like a nut if only to get someone who is having a crappy day or is horribly bored to crack a smile.

Sometimes playing the foll is worthwhile, and quite a bit of fun.

Batman is back to being interesting

BATMAN AND ROBIN #1 came out this week marking the return of cool stuff going on in the Bat-corner of the DCU. Kudos to Tony Daniels for BATTLE FOR THE COWL. I wasn't really into it, but I'll give the guy props for trying. I think Daniels could develop into a good writer if he keeps at it. BftC was a decent start.

I'm excited to be a batman fan again. Grant Morrison is hit the ground running with Frank Quietly and turned out a great comic. I find myself wanting more.

I'll be getting more next month, but in the meantime I get to enjoy Greg Rucka over on DETECTIVE COMICS. Judd Winick will be writing BATMAN and while my enjoyment of his work has waxed and wailed over the years, I'm hopeful. I want to see Winick up his game to keep up with Morrison and Rucka. I think he can do it. Time will tell. We also have Paul Dini doing a couple of new titles based in Gotham.

While I'm horribly disappointed with much of what's been going on with DC Comics, I have to give them props on how they're handling their "Big 3". The Superman books have been absolutely Stellar with Rucka and Robinson knocking it right out of the park at every turn. Gail Simone is doing wonderful stuff on WONDER WOMAN. Now, the Gotham Idol bit is over and we've got good Bat books coming our way again.

For a while I was not really enjoying my comics. Now, I have reason to be excited to go to Comic Kings on Wednesday.

You're way too into the Joker: TOP TEN!

I've recently been into discussions about people who love the Joker. I'm talking about the fan-fiction writin', squishy dream havin', "I can give him what Harley Quinn doesn't" love the Joker. Frankly, these people are off their nuts, and here's the top ten ways to spot them.

10: Has seen THE DARK KNIGHT more times since it came out than their family.

9: Has a poster of Heath Ledger as the Joker... on the ceiling over their bed.

8: Finds the response "Why so serious?" to be a perfectly acceptable reply and not a reason to be smacked upside the head.

7: Has used the above response repeatedly despite being smacked upside the head repeatedly.

6: Thinks women in abusive relationships really need help, unless they wear grease paint and red and black spandex. Then they're the luckiest girl at the ball.

5: Thinks the emo boys are doing they're make-up way wrong.

4: Waxes poetic about the deep philosophical meaning behind the actions of a fictitious character who kills people with whoopie cushions.

3: Thinks purple is the new black.

2: Has a Joker shirt for every day of the week, yet can't find a thing to wear for that job interview.

and our number one way to spot that someone is WAY too into the the Joker.....

1: Has called their significant other the wrong name in the sack. That wrong name being: "Mistah J".

I don't have time, and I'm not in the mood.

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd look back at the birthday I spent in a chemically induced coma as one of the good one. I've had it. I'm done. No more birthdays. I truly loath this time of year.

Maybe I feel self conscious having 'happy birthday' sung to me. Maybe being told it's "my day" sounds conceded even to my massive ego. Maybe it's because the most famous person I share my birthday with is the Marque De Sade. Or maybe it just seems like I get targeted by whirlwind of misery about this time of year.

Now, I've already had a very dear friend wish me a happy birthday. I know my mom bought me a cake. I'm told it's very good too since she and my brother's family had some after I had to leave what was to be my pseudo-surprise party early. My dad and step-mom sent me a card I'm told, and it's probably in my mailbox right now. Guess I'm going to have to check my mail. I'm sure I'll get around to it. Eventually. Anyways, to all the people who wish me well on my accomplishment of surviving another year: thank you. Now please carry on about your business.

My sister-in-law once theorized that it's my not wanting to get older is the reason I don't like my birthday. Absolutely not true. In fact, I revel in the fact that every day I'm just a little closer to being a horrible old man. Sometimes I even go out and practice yelling at small children to get off my yawn. I even have a cane picked out. It doubles at a blowgun so that any little weasel who don't get off my lawn will find themselves punctured. In the eventuality that I lack the lung power, I plan to invest in a paintball gun so as to mark the little bastards. Children run fast and I do not. Those welts stick around for a while so I'll find them eventually.

I'm not aging gracefully. Grey hairs, wrinkles, scars. I look like ten miles of bad road. My knees pop all the time. I can still put my foot upside someone's head, but now I've got to stretch first. I can barely have one beer without feeling sick. Years of self abuse are starting to catch up with me.

However, the trade is wisdom. They tell me this. Then they tell me everything I'm doing wrong. They know who they are. Screw they. I'm just as much of an idiot as I was in high school. The difference is now I have much better stories. Much of them rooted in idiocy.

So another birthday is upon me. I'm having a week that is about as enjoyable as electro-shock therapy, so no, I won't be doing anything to celebrate this so called 'event'. There's things to do. Plots to plot. Events to plan.

The future is not going to lay down at feet, and I'm not getting any younger.

Brain sparks.

There's enough hardcore prescription painkillers in this house right now to knock Keith Richards on his ass. I've been functioning on caffeine for days. By all rights now that the Nozz compound is quiet I should be sleeping like a baby.

But my brain fires up at night. I've got four irons in the atomic fire that is currently my imagination. Everyone's worried that the weight of all the stuff I'm currently having to juggle in my life is going to crush me, yet I'm driven to distraction due to excitement over what I'm working on.

I haven't felt this consumed by my work in years. Feels good.

There you go.

Saw the "I <3 Vampires" ad again. saw the ad for the new series "The Vampire Diaries" which looks like they're ripping off that "Twilight" movie.

Just so you know:

If you love vampires you're a necrophiliac.

The old and crouchity top ten.

In honor of Disney Pixar's UP I've slapped together a new top ten list for my favorite old dudes. Enjoy!

10: Alan Quartermain. Played by Sean Connery in the LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMAN movie. Got to love anybody highly annoyed with having to put on his glasses before shooting someone from 300 yards away.

9: Whistler. Played by Kris Kristofferson in the BLADE series. Didn't really like the sequels all that much put the guy who's so old and mean that he'll have smoke while spilling gasoline all over the place is alright by me. this is just as long as I'm not gassing up my car next to him.

8: Egg Chen. Crazy old bastard mystic from BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA. I'd name the actor that played him, but frankly I always just call the guy "Egg Chen".

7: Jay Garrick. The elder statesman of the Flash family. Sure he's typically a nice fellow, but still has a tendency to throw a hypersonic beatdown to show the youngsters why he rules.

6: Honey Roy Palmer. "No one can beat ten men in a day." Honey Roy Palmer sure as hell can. Just see DIGGSTOWN with Lou Gossett Jr. as Roy for proof.

5: Walter Bishop. You come to FRINGE for Anna Torv looking hot, you stay because Walter Bishop if crazier than a toad licking squirrel.

4: Obi Wan Kenobi. Whether he's scaring Sand People, hauling Luke into seedy bars or subverting an Empire you've got to love ol Ben.

3: Gandolf. Sure he's an old hippy, but any old dude who'll put the spurs to a Balrog while falling through the world is alright by me. Bonus points for being ornery with uppity little Hobbits.

2: Bruce Wayne. I miss BATMAN BEYOND, where you get to see a three days older than dirt Bruce Wayne being old and pissed off all the time complete with Ace the pissed off Bat-hound. Nice to know he doesn't let his bum ticker stop him from slapping around punks.

1. Boris the Bullet Dodger. I have a soft spot for crazy Russians. What's better than crazy Russians? Crazy old bitter Russians, with guns, who get pissed off at things like getting shot and hit with cars. I do believe I'll be watching SNATCH today.

My summer obsession is back

I have an insane obsession for So You Think You Can Dance. For those who don't know what it is it's the American Idol of Dance Shows. Now then, my dislike for American Idol is well known, so why would I like So You Think You Can Dance?

First off it's nice to see young women in great physical condition and not the anorexic waifs that I'm told is supposed to be attractive.

Second, and this is the big one, I'm a huge fan of body movement. Whether it's dance, martial arts, stunt work and even a well choreographed professional wrestling match I enjoy it immensely. I can't dance, at least not very well. I seem to lack rhythm. It also seems like the only time I'm anything approaching graceful is in the middle of fighting, and even then, not so much.

I did tease one of my male students for doing ballet. This was because the little weasel liked to talk smack and tossing around a few verbal barbs is par for course in the dojo. Point of fact, ballet is insane. It's absolutely brutal. Most dancing styles are. I watch this show year after year (and damned if it doesn't get better every year), and I watch these young people put out such physical and emotional performances and see them dripping with sweat afterwards while being critiqued and interviewed. It's just amazing.

So yes, expect a nearly weekly raving from me about this show.

New Buffy movie. Run for your lives, kids!

Yeas it looks like there are plans for a new Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. Joss Whedon has nothing to do with it at this point. The people that directed and produced the fairly lame Kristie Swanson flick are behind this one. Seems they still have the movie rights.

OK, for those Buffy fans out there wailing and gnashing your teeth, tone it down to just a big eye roll. They haven't approached Whedon as of yet so you never can tell. He might get on board. Also, that's how these things work. It's not easy to hang on to your creator rights when you're an unknown, which Whedon pretty much was when the movie came out.

Now, if you want some more Buffy stories with Whedon's touch on it, Dark Horse Comics is currently publishing BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: SEASON 8 which follows the TV series and is being helmed by Whedon. I highly recommend it.
Life is good. I ate a particularly good waffle this morning. I'm not currently injured. The dead tree is no longer threatening my house. The girl in the store I was just in after being serenaded by her middle-aged white supervisor with a very forgetable rap preceded to handle my purchase and call me "sweetheart" no less than six times as if compelled to by some specific vocal tick.

Then I can across a young man on the sidewalk strumming a guitar in a battle with a seemingly unoccupied car with its door open that was filling the afternoon air with some hip hop song that could only charitably be called noise pollution. He was sitting with his open guitar case next to him. In the case was a sign.

"This is my job. Need guitar strings, cigarettes and a latté."

He had a smile and kind word to go along with his fast and skillful strumming. I had a dollar for the case.

I found myself feeling jealous.

The youth. The Hunger. The willingness to place yourself in the public with only your talent to try to earn a few buck. He sat on a warm day under a blue sky and I know he saw the dark clouds of the impending rainstorm that was heading for him. Still he smiled. Still he played. His songs were sharp and wordless, but you could feel the desire in it. The love for the music. The hours he spends practicing. The Hunger.

Redneck Good Time

Well, since nothing's blown up and the police haven't come to visit us on the court recently we figured we were overdue. So my neighbor rented a sixty foot boom lift and it was tree cuttin' day for the NWA (Neighborhood Watch Association). We were doing pretty good for a while. Darren and Elmer were up in the lift. I was chaining the fallen branches and chunks of tree to John's lawn tractor and he was hauling them over to Billy and Terry who were cutting them up and piling them up for the city. We were on the look out for Darren's cell phone which was apparently under the pile of what was formerly a tree in his back yard.

Then came time for us to go after the 80 foot pine between Darren and John's properties. Darren was up in the lift as far as he could get it. We had a rope running all the way to somebody's yard. Not sure who, but fortunately they didn't sic the dogs on us. I had the rope run around a tree to anchor us. I was pulling with the rest of the guys. We were pulling and seemed to be making headway, but then I found myself flying towards the tree I had wrapped the rope around. Elmer was flying forward. The rest of the guys were flying upwards. Then the entire neighborhood got to hear a very large piece of wood hit the ground from a bit over sixty feet in the air followed by Darren dropping the F-bomb like a B-52.

So, that was a good time to break out the grill and wait for the power company guy to come and get power back to Darren's house. John's wife got good and freaked out by John moving the power line out of the way. Fun fact: if a power line isn't connected to anything then they're typically safe. The power guy arrived and John told him all about the freak storm that snapped off the top of that tree and took out the line.

So while the power guy was hooking Darren's house back up we moved the party over to my place where a very dead tree was long overdue to become firewood. We got a good bit down before the pouring rain started. So we called every weatherman in the area a moron, most of them by name and retreated to the porch. Darren took the time to call the cable company and tried his best to explain to the moron on the other end of the line that having his cable line lying in his front yard was indeed affecting his reception.

The rain stopped. We carbed up with a round of Budweisers, and finished off the tree in my yard. The power guy was gone and we finish the tree on the Darren/John property line and then took some bets as to how many logs Darren's truck could pull to the road before it exploded. Well, it didn't explode, although we did come within a few inches of taking out the support cable for the power pole the guy had just worked on.

I can't wait to get back to work so I can get some rest.

The old school

I was watching and loving every bit of the Lyoto Machida/Rashad Evans fight last night. It's funny how MMA fighters don't know what to do with Machida. The big stink in the 90s was the Brazillian Jui-Jitsu was the way to go and Karate was starting to be viewed as obsolete. Then MMA started to become a style in and of itself. Now a Karate Man is driving these guys nuts using Karate tactics. I'm loving every bit of this.

Innovation is great, but innovation often needs the old school to step in and give them a reality check every so often.

The snarky Superman argument killer.

I have seen this in many a conversation concerning. "All you have to do is get some Kryptonite and you can beat him."

Gee, I hope no one tells Lex Luthor about that.

The brilliant Superman argument killer

I'm loving the SUPERMAN: WORLD OF NEW KRYPTON series. James Robinson and Greg Rucka are knocking this story straight out of the park with every issue. Pete Woods is freaking killin' it on the art. I'm loving this book.

For those who have not picked it up yet, we're three issues deep into it. It spun out of of the recent events of SUPERMAN and ACTION COMICS. Superman confronted Brainiac and saved the bottled Kyptonian City of Kandor and resorted it to normal size in Antartica. So now you have 100,000 Kryptonian on Earth, all of which with the same powers as Superman. This did not go very well and Earth and the Krytonians were on the verge of war with Superman stuck in the middle. The Kryptonians left taking their city with them and formed a new planet on the other side of the Sun. Superman left Earth to live there suspecting there was something seriously wrong going on behind the scenes.

Here's the part I am absolutely loving. This book is attacking one of the key arguments of the Superman detractors. It's not attacking it directly. This is a subtle thing. The argument is: Superman is too powerful, he's nothing without those powers. Now you have Superman in a world where he is on a level playing field. The only advantage he has in terms of power is his experience using them. This truly lets the character shine. We see it's not the powers that make him the hero he is.

The latest issue also puts done one of the other arguments about Superman, that the guy can't fight. Superman get's challenged by a rival, Commander Gor, in the latest issue. Gor is just as powerful as Superman and a trained fighter. He get's some good shots in. Then Superman reminds his opponent that he "was taught hand-to-hand combat by Earth's greatest proponent" and drops Gor like it was the cool thing to do. Nicely sequenced by Woods too. Major credit there. They wisely stay vague as to who is the 'greatest proponent'. My money's on Wonder Woman.

With Batman still on hiatus from being interesting, this story has been my major DC geeking point. Next month we get Morrison and Rucka returning to the Bat-verse. It's going to be a good summer.

Woo

Doing a bit of research for the big summer project. This led me to the local police station. I got set up to talk to the public relations officer. She comes to the lobby to meet me and I swear she looked like she walked out of a cop movie. She was professional, attractive and very nice.

And she had her gun on her hip. Holstered of course, but freakin' wow.

It's been a good day.

The audience of one

I think everyone one creates and makes their work public asks themselves at some point, "Is anyone even seeing this?" This point comes early in careers of creators, before the numbers come in as to how much you've sold, or how many hits there are on your website or you start seeing your name mentioned here and there. This can be scary for some people. Some people feel the need for validation of their efforts. Validation is nice and comforting. No one wants to feel like they've been wasting their time and effort. However, they're missing out on something.

There's an old expression: "Dance like nobody is watching you." They never intended that saying to apply only to dancing. There's a liberating feeling to being your own audience and not caring about your sales or hit count. You start getting experimental. You start throwing new ideas and techniques around to see what works and what doesn't.

For me, it was college. NIGHT LIFE got it's humble beginnings in the James Madison University newspaper. I learned a lot there. I learned about meeting my deadlines. I learned about pacing my story. I learned how to deal with different editors. And I learned how to dance like no one was watching.

For those who aren't familiar with good ol JMU at the time there were about 10,000 students. The JMU newspaper, The Breeze, was put out on Mondays and Thursdays and was free. I didn't find out until later that the paper was also available throughout the city of Harrisonburg were JMU was nestled in. So, my work was readily available to thousands of people, and I maintained that only 12 of them actually read the damned thing.

I had to. I have one very prominent weakness: I am completely unable to comprehend that I have fans somewhere. I once had a professor ask me to stay after class for a moment if I had the time. I figured I was in deep shit because I was struggling with the class. No, he wanted to chat about the comic. When I should have felt pride, I kind of felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me. I learned to deal with it, especially after people who came to me as fans became friends. They started to get more vocal. Professors were thinking it was cool that I was in their classes. Other students would talk to me about certain characters.

The 12 fan theory got utterly destroyed at a party when I discovered that nearly everyone there was a fan. Thank God it was senior year. I may have developed an ego or something.

Fast forward to now. I'm putting out more content than ever before. However, I'm back to my old 12 fan theory. 12 is a good number. It's small enough that I don't feel overwhelmed, but it's large enough to motivate me. I'd hate to let down my fans, all 12 of you. I've got two followers of this blog so for all I know Pinds and Kristie (bless the pair of ya!) are the only people who will ever read this.

And I'm cool with that.

I'm going to keep on dancing.

Tick tick boom

I talked before about Star Trek and how I wasn't really into it because it wasn't explodey enough for me. Saw the movie last night and that was plenty explodey. I'm not a Trekkie, or a Trekker or even a fan of Star trek, but that was a freaking great movie. Planets getting destroyed, crap blowing up all over the place, people doing the impossible, green chicks in their unmentionables and a freakin' sword fight.

And most importantly: a good story.

If I'm going to accept style over substance then it better be damn stylish. I was sitting there watching the previews for the upcoming summer movies. There was the G.I.JOE trailer which I had not seen and the TRANSFORMERS one which I had caught a glimpse of once. I'm completely disinterested in both. I did not like the first TRANSFORMERS movie because I felt like I needed to turn off my brain to enjoy it. The second one looks like more of the same. G.I.JOE looks like a noisy ridiculous mess. Both are promising huge budgeted effects and visuals and they did a huge seen in one of the previews in which the Eiffel Tower gets destroyed.

Sorry, not caring.

Of all the previews I saw last night the only on that has me excited is this year's Pixar offering: UP.

Oh damn it all anyways.

I list quite near the top of my feeling crappy top ten that people who have Iphones just because they're 'cool' piss me off. Sure enough in the the little ad space on this blog there's an ad for downloading comics directly to your Iphone. Google Adsense is making fun of me, I just know it.

This is not the future I bloody well ordered. MY future was supposed to have robots and flying cars and people colonizing Mars. Instead I got slapped by the information age where it seems all the innovative stuff is happening to people's cell phones. Those things have more processing power than the computers that got man to the moon.

Look, I get it. There are people out there that run their lives and businesses on the move. They need gadgets like the Iphone to make themselves productive and competitive in their fields. They don't need it to makes noises like a lightsabre or the tons of other useless crap those things do.

It's all about information now. Hell, now we've got Twitter which you can let people know what you are doing at any time. Well, if I'm updating my Twitter account then I must be at my computer, so that would make for a bunch of really boring posts. And yes, I'm aware that with some of the Fancy-Dan doo-hickeys I was just talking about you can update your Twitter from anywhere. Here's my problem with Twitter and it's nothing against anyone who actually has it, and in this world of networking I'll probably end up getting it myself just to attempt to keep up: if I'm doing something, I probably don't have time to stop and let the intarwub know about it. Trust me, if it's interesting I'll let the intarwub know all about later, in detail.

I am sorely tempted to start a twitter account and have it be entirely fictitious. In fact: expect that to happen in June.

I know now what I must do. I must conquer the future. Than we shall colonize Mars.

Find me an 'app' for Mars colonization, I freakin' dare ya!

The feeling crappy top ten

I've been in a foul foul mood this week, so here's the top 10 things currently pissing me off.

10: Digital television

9: Tankinis

8: The word "tankini".

7: Comic book characters that won't stay dead.

6: American Idol

5: People who obsess over American Idol.

4: The word "app".

3: Changes that aren't changes.

2: People who have Iphones because they're cool.

And the number one thing that is currently contributing to my foul foul mood:

The horrible mental gap in my brain that is somehow preventing all the cool things in there from being written or drawn properly.

Separation of Comics and State.

It's no secret that I'm not an Obama fan. To me he's just another politician and as likely to screw people over as any other politician. Unfortunately, my not being a fan is turning into an absolute loathing be cause the guy is everywhere, and since it came out he's a comic fan, he's been the focus of a few comics. There's the now famous SPIDER-MAN comic. He was put into a SAVAGE DRAGON comic as well. He's been on the cover of WIZARD magazine repeatedly. And the people are lining up for it.

My annoyance aside: here's why it's a bad idea.

The guy is the number one pop star on the planet so it's a good sales boost as long as his approval rating is good. If he does something stupid well that could be a nasty sales hit. It's always a risk including real world people into comic continuity. Historical figures are one thing, but using current political figures is a polarizing thing. People feel strongly enough about movie stars and musicians, but using them is much more forgivable.

Let's say it comes out in an issue that Batman is a huge fan of the Spice Girls, and this comes out as he's trying to save them from the Joker, and in a sub-plot he's secretly hoping that Catwoman is going to tell him what she wants, what she really really wants. You can expect an outcry of Batfans who hate the Spice Girls. Sure, you'll probably also get a few out there who like both Batman and the Spice Girls who thinks it's great and hopes Bats forgets Selina and runs off with Geri. Most readers, I would hope, would just shrug and enjoy Batman saving the day. But still you've ticked off Batman fans who hate the Spice Girls.

OK, now apply the same logic to using a politician. The SPIDER-MAN and SAVAGE DRAGON appearances were pretty much endorsements of Obama. Whether it was done merely to cash in on Obama-mania or if the company/creators really endorse him is irrelavent. So where does this leave a person who really likes Spider-Man, but really does not like Obama? Do they buy the issue anyways? Do they just skip that issue and buy the next one hoping Obama isn't there? Do they go extreme and drop the book? I don't read either books anyways, so it's a non-issue for me as to my course of action.

There's nothing wrong with using the President as a factor a story. Captain America saves the day and the President thanks him. Neat. However, using the president as more than a story prop runs the risk of ticking off people who take their politics more seriously. DC got smart, they have a fictitious President. For a while the President of the United States in the DCU was Lex Luthor. This wasn't a quick little Superman story either, Luthor was elected and that affected the entire DCU. This was a brilliant move. It did not matter what your thoughts and feelings were about politics, what mattered was what you thought about that character.

Comics are an escape for many people. It is true that often the world we live in has an effect on comics, but still it's an escape. I don't want to see the stuff I see on my nightly news in the comics I read so that I have something else to do besides watch the nightly news. Same with the leader on the free world/the number one pop star on the planet Barack Obama. He's made his appearances. He's sold some issues. Now let's move on before it gets sticky.

The Evolved Nozz

I spent the morning working on a page for NIGHT LIFE. The page in question is a five panel piece. As always, being left-handed, I was inking starting with the bottom right corner panel and working my way to the top left. The entire page had been penciled. Panel five had been completed and panel 3 was nearly done. Panel five had 40 people in it. 4 in the foreground and 36 in the background. I know this because I counted.

A phone conversation with my father went longer than it probably should have and I rushed out the door to Karate class failing to put the piece and my art supplies back in the study where they usually reside.

I have twin two-year-olds. The Missus can not be everywhere at once.

I want everyone reading this to take a moment and truly appreciate what a marvelous human being I truly am for not yelling at or otherwise doing anything horrible to my daughter upon arriving home to see that she had utterly ruined the piece.

Thank goodness I was ahead a week. I miss my buffer already.

Free stuff!

Ah, my good ol battle cry at conventions. It's lured many a sucke-*AHEM* customer over to my table at conventions and trade shows. The comic industry knows well the power of my battle cry, hence we get Free Comic Book Day. This event has been going on for years now. Companies issue books that are be given away free in an attempt to get new readers. I did not venture out last Saturday when the annual event went down, but I did ask Joey at Comic Kings how it went.

He didn't do it. Sure there were a few copies of DC's "Blackest Night" thingie on the table, but the only reason Joey got any of those was because he was told it had something to do with the next big DC event. (Note: it does, but if you didn't get a copy you're not missing anything important.) Joey had a Yu-Gi-Oh event going on the same day and that actually made money.

You might be saying, "well if he had done the Free Comic Book Day he could have gotten some new regular customers" and you'd be wrong. Joey has done this event before. He did it for three years combining it with sales and free pizza and stuff. The people who showed up for the event did not return until the next year for more free stuff. This event has yet to get Joey a single new customer. His Obama stunt did better, even though it cost him more money. He actually got a couple of new customers out of that.

Here's the dirty little secret, the comics are free to the customers, but not free to the stores. So, for all of you who got free stuff on Free Comic Book Day, I really hoped you thanked the guys who actually paid for the books and gave them to you.

Yesterday at work.

This happened before I became temporarily blond and the boss misplaced his pants.

Jason: "At least today is better than yesterday."

Me: "What happened yesterday?"

Jason: "Guy next door was out on his deck in his bathrobe with one leg up on the railing, scratching himself."

Me: "Glad I wasn't here yesterday."

Jason: "Doesn't he realize dudes are working over here?"

Me: "Maybe that was why he was out on his deck in his bathrobe, scratching himself."

That may make the guys reconsider working with their shirts off.

Remember when editors edited?

I've griped quite a bit about the editor-in-chiefs at the big companies leading from the bench. Mark Waid said over at Kung-Fu Monkey, and firmly agree, that an editor is there to help the writers and artists tell their story, not to have them tell the editor's story. Now the problem has reached racial lines. RUN AND HIDE KIDS!

It's nothing horrible really, but it is sloppy work. The first incident that jumped out at me was in FINAL CRISIS in which Mister Miracle all of a sudden went from being a black guy to a white guy. This definitely made me arch an eyebrow. This was the major event book. How did that slip by? Did they figure the character was really scared, or possibly suddenly anemic? I can understand the confusion on the colorist's part. The original Mister Miracle was Scott Free, who was in fact a white guy. However, the new Mister Miracle (and I'm only saying you relative to Free, the character has been around for a few years now) is Shilo Norman and is black. There's no confusion in reading the book, it's obviously Shilo. But mistakes happen, and the colorist made him the wrong skin color. The editor is supposed to catch mistakes like this.

More recent is this week's FINAL CRISIS AFTERMATH: RUN which is an even more glaring error. It involves Firestorm. Firestorm is another legacy character, meaning more than one person has had the name. The first one was Ronnie Raymond who combined with Professor Martin Stein to become the hero. Both of them were white guys. After Ronnie's death there was a new Firestorm, Jason Rusch, a young black guy. 'New' again being relative since Jason has been Firestorm for a few years now as well. Yet again, there was a coloring error in which suddenly Firestorm was a white guy again. More glaring was that the writing made it seem like it was Ronnie Raymond again. The character showed a connection to the now deceased Martian Manhunter whom Ronnie was friends with and worked with for a long time. Jason did not know the Manhunter. The editor dropped the ball big time on this one.

The DCU has done interesting things of late with it's legacy heroes in representing minorities who are under-represented in comics. I'm not saying that these slips are anything more than they are, they're mistakes. Still, it's an insanely obvious mistake to anyone who's been following these characters and we expect better from the "big" companies.

Stupid bit of the week

My sister-in-law is a teacher. She puts up with a lot, especially since she deals with troubled kids. She's also had a very, very rough and tragic few years. Here's the latest in the river of crap.

Her school had a drill for what to do in case there is a person with a gun in the school. They said lock the door, barricade it, and have the students get up against the wall. She does so. Then she hears a girl screaming in the hallways. My sister knows it's a drill, but there could have been a student out there who didn't and was freaking out. And what if it wasn't a drill? Was she to leave the girl out there in harm's way? She opens her door briefly to check and there's a female police officer who spots her, points at her and says, "You're dead." She then comes into the room and precedes to tell my sister in front of her class that her whole class is now dead because of her. This is a cue for one of the students to start screaming at my sister.

Here's why this whole situation is really stupid and people should lose their jobs.

This is a school drill, not a military war game. Telling people they're "dead" in that situation is just tacky.

The school provided no protocol for what to do in that situation. If you are going to present a problem of this nature, you better also have a solution as well. None of the teachers were prepared for that situation, and I'd have opened the door too if I thought it was safe.

The officer absolutely should not have told my sister in front of her class that she got them all killed. That completely undermines any authority my sister had over those kids. The officer should have taken my sister aside and told her what the mistake was out of earshot of those kids.

I don't think that officer should be working in the schools anymore. I'm not saying she's a bad cop or that their shouldn't be an officer present at the school, but some people just aren't right for certain envirornments. Frankly, she should be reprimanded for the treatment of my sister.

Lastly, the school needs to get it's act together. If they want to run drills like this because they think it's necessary for the protection of the students and faculty then they need to get the proper protocols figured out and make sure they are available to all the teachers.

In short: they all suck. End rant.

Can't

Got another new student with a 'can't' problem. She's new so she doesn't realize that I've barred the word from the dojo. Can't is the favorite little excuse of those who don't want to apply themselves. They have their reasons for throwing it out there. Usually because they're not too sure on what I've asked them to do. This wasn't the case here. She knew what to do, she just didn't want to do it in front of the rest of the class. This is the point that some people would say, "well she's just a little girl and she'll perform that kata in front of the glass when she's ready" and that's when I say "she's ready when I say she's ready" tell the girl to "suck it up" and she does what I tell her.

I'd say I used to be such a nice person, but no one would believe it.

If you say "you can't" then I can guarantee that you won't. Life's tough enough without you defeating yourself. So a 5 year old girl was made to do something she said she can't do. Guess what. She did it.

"I can't" doesn't get results. "I can't" doesn't pass the test. "I can't" doesn't win trophies. "I can't" doesn't stop that guy from mugging you.

So what would happen if she ended up unable to perform that kata I told her to? Nothing. She would have tried, and the next time she would have tried harder. It reminds of of a guy i know would was learning martial arts and did not want to test because he saw no point in the test. It was a principle thing with him. "I don't see why I should have to test." And then he made the mistake of asking for input on the matter.

"You test because your instructor said so."

"I don't see why I should have to."

"Because otherwise you're wasting that instructor's time. Testing is part of the training."

"I don't want to go up in rank."

"Then you are wasting your time because you are not going to learn anything new. Quit."

I don't know if he did or not. He certainly hasn't mentioned anything about training in my presence ever again. Sure, I was kinda mean to him, but coddling was what created that mindset to begin with.

You don't get anywhere by hiding behind excuses.

Go out and play

Rock Band 2 has invaded the Nozz compound. It's a birthday gift for the missus. I catch her playing Guitar Hero on her phone more than using it as an actual phone it seems. I got it. gave it to her. She seems happy. She's gone to work and I assembled it. I tried it to make sure it works, and it does.

I'll probably never touch it again aside from moving it around to keep it out of the way.

Chris and my brother both have the same opinion on this thing: if you're going to go through all the effort of mastering the game to the point of demolishing the expert setting then you need to just learn how to play an actual instrument. I took drum lessons in high school. I tried the drum kit on the Rock Band thingie. It reminded me of how much I suck at drumming. I'm not even going near the guitar thingie. I sure as hell am staying away from the microphone.

I know there's competitions and tournaments for things like this. I know there's prizes and stuff for competing in them. I see the video game channels on the flat screens at the Game Stop featuring interviews with "professional gamers" and "gaming athletes".

If anyone reading this classifies themselves as either of the above you should stop reading now because I'm about to tell you that you completely suck.

Video games are what we played when we were bored or it was raining out. Sure they're fun. In fact a video game system is now considered a standard element of anyone's home entertainment center. But if you're trying to make a living playing video games, and you don't work for a video game making company then you might as well just tell the world that you have no desire to contribute anything to the world around you.

Whoever coined the term "gaming athlete" should get their ass kicked for general principle.

They're not athletes. In fact I'm sure every member of every chess club in history that caught shit from some meathead jock in high school twitches whenever some dolt utters that tripe with a straight face. And don't hand me some line about the focus and endurance they must have to compete. If you want to see focus and endurance, watch NASCAR.

It's a complete sham. It's people taking something that there for entertainment and turning it into a lifestyle choice, and that never goes well. And no throwing stones about me writing and drawing comics. Like the people who actually make the games, I'm contributing something. The comic equivalent to a "gaming athlete" would be professional comic readers. I'd love to see that competition. First one to get through the entire works of Alan Moore wins. No skimming and if you have to take a break to pee be prepared to feel the mockery of those with superior bladder control.

So, for all of those reading this that I have just insulted: bite me.

Put your controller down and do something.

Freakin' Star Trek

In high school it was assumed that I was a STAR TREK fan. I guess my classmates figured that since I liked reading comic books then the extent of my geekdom must know no bounds and therefore I MUST be a fan of STAR TREK. Remember some guys in one of my classes asking me if i was going to a Star Trek convention the following weekend, and when I said I wasn't, they thought I was lying.

First off, I'm a guy who who read comics during my down time in class, and if I went to a comic book convention I had no problem telling folks about it. Second, I never really got into STAR TREK. I made an effort to get into "The Next Generation" when I was in college, but that was mostly because everyone else I knew was watching it. Frankly, I want my sci-fi to be a bit more explodey. They got those stupid phasers, yet we rarely get to see them zap somebody.

It's weird to me that people would think that I'm a closet STAR TREK fan when I'm very open about my fandom of other things. It's like there's a stigma on it. Reading comics? That's not so bad. You can still carry on a relatively normal life and still read comics. I do know some casual readers whose friends and family don't even know they read.

Then you have your STAR WARS fans. And really, who hasn't tried it at some point in their lives. You know how it is. You're at a party. Someone shows up with Empire on DVD and what the hell. Fire it up, it is a party. Now, I know what some of you are thinking: I don't know man, that stuff makes me paranoid. But really, we as a society need to get past the stigma on STAR WARS. It's not harmful. In fact some people even use it medicinally. Sure you might get a serious case of the munchies while watching it, but hey, what's the harm?

And I've heard the comments about STAR WARS being a gateway to STAR TREK, and I want to say right now that I've known people who have watched STAR WARS for years and never tried STAR TREK.

STAR TREK is pretty hardcore. I've seen it destroy people's lives. It's rough stuff. No parent wants to be going through their kid's things and find the stuff hidden in there. They then know that that kid is in serious danger of throwing away their future of possibly playing sports of getting laid. Even more dreadful is the thought of confronting the kid and asking him wear he got DVDs and Klingon/English dictionary and have him shouting at them, "YOU ALL RIGHT! I LEARNED IT BY WATCHING YOU!"

It's a damn scary thing.

Still, the new movie coming out does look really freakin' cool.

Stupid karma.

One of the kidlets is sick, so last night I hit the Wal-green's around the corner for cough medicine. I sneeze hard as I'm paying for it, of course being polite enough to cover my mouth.

Cashier: "Bless you."

Me: "Thanks. Stupid Swine Flu."

Cashier: "WHAT?!"

Me: "I find whoever licked that pig, I'm going to kill the little bastard."

She then realized I was joking and got a good laugh. Had I known that I would be spending half the night on the couch due to my bed getting co-opted by a coughing youngster I'd have kept my trap shut.

Hail to the Kings

Hauled a flier into the comic shop yesterday since I'm trying to hustle more commission work. Figured maybe Joey would put it on the table next to the other fliers and cards he gets on a regular basis. Instead he taped it to the rack right next to where the new books go where pretty much every regular in the shop is going to see it.

This is the same Joey that was the only advertiser for the comic we self published years ago that pretty much went nowhere. And he's the same Joey that donated generously when I got my head shaved to raise money to help children with cancer.

Joey is the best.

Go check out his shop.